Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
confessions (FF - promise!)
I confess that I can't stand the term "KU" - especially when it refers to happily married adult women. It seems like an immature term that should be reserved for immature single teenagers who screwed up a one night stand.... Sorry Kristen.
I confess I am very bad with money. If I have money, I will spend it. And I will end up in debt. It doesn't matter if I have $300 to spend, or $3,000... before the next paycheck arrives I'm borrowing from our joint account or putting items on the family credit card.
I confess that lately I don't think I have been a good wife. A good mother, definitely... but a wife? No. I will clean house, do laundry, and focus my attentions on my daughter... but when it comes to being intimate with my husband, my mind turns off. I love him, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't focus on sex. There is too much going on, and all that right now has a higher priority for me than anything else.
And all that being said, I confess that I am not happy, and I am seeking counseling. I don't know if it's because of PPD, or I'm just depressed with my life at the moment, or anxious, or panicking about the future, or short on self-esteem because of my poor body image. I don't know. I just know that I think I need help, and soon.
Re: confessions (FF - promise!)
jinx. i just said this to her because the other day she and i were discussing words that annoy us.
i confess:
i miss tela. i think she should come around more often.
i have only had like 4 periods in my life and i havent had AF in over 7 years. i've never had cramps.
i think im the only person in the country who disagrees with Sunday's events. i think that Bin Laden should have had to be held responsible for what he did, and i dont think him dying was out of the question. i just dont like how it happened. you cant tell me that the US went into the compound with any other intention than to kill him. IMO, you cant just go around killing killers. what if we went into timothy mcveigh's house and shot him for what he did? i think it makes us no better than the murderers. we have a system in this country for a reason, he should have gone to trial and then been sentenced to death (like Saddam). i just think assassinating him was morally wrong, but i digress. whats done is done.
im getting really really really cranky that we havent started painting yet. we have the paint. lets get to it, husband!
*Big hugs MB*
My being upset about not attending the memorial just went into full on pissed off mode. 2 of the 5 people that were supposed to come in and work this afternoon just called in. My boss is begging them to come in at least during the service so it's not just me and 2 others, but I doubt it. Just close the damn paper early for 1 day!!
Plus since today is the service, we were to dress nicely in black and while, so first my blazer I was going to wear for the first time looked awful because it had huge shoulder pads (really old navy, shoulder pads?!) and then I couldn't find my black heels so I grabbed my nude wedges to put on once I got here, but forgot that I had on white socks, so that looks terrible. So I am mad and look like a hot fricken mess today!
Not a huge fan of the KU term either really.
I think Bin Ladens body should have been shipped back here and put on display as proof rather than buried at sea. Morbid and probably wrong, but that's how I feel. I need visual proof.
I haven't had sexy times in two weeks. H is getting cranky, but that's too bad. I'm nauseous and uncomfortable, he can wait till I feel better.
I'm super stressed about money right now. I just wrote out my tuition check and it made me cry looking at it. I know I'm getting some of it back, but not for a few months.
I commend you for seeking help!
To piggy back off your confession, I confess that I've struggled with depression for years but I'm too stubborn and proud to do anything about it. I was raised in a family that likes to avoid problems and feelings. So, sometimes write about it, to get it all out, but typically, I just turn into a huge biznitch to everyone around me. That being said, I never realized how many women actually suffer from PPD until ladies on this board have talked about it. This terrifies me for when/if we do have kids, if I'm already struggling with depression - I don't even want to think about the possibility of PPD.
I confess that I really, really need some time to myself. I haven't done anything alone since before Christmas and I really just want to take 2-3 hours to be alone. Since Sunday is Mother's Day, I'm thinking about telling Guy that his gift to me can be letting me go see a movie by myself.
I confess that, as excited as I am about Ellie's birthday party on Saturday, I am not looking forward to having to deal with my mom, MIL, and all the other drama llamas that will be there. Everyone better be on their best behavior or I will go all kinds of mean mama bear on their asses.
I confess that, even though I lost 10 pounds in April, I'm still really unhappy with the way I look and it's very frustrating.
I confess I'm madly jealous about this. My pediatrician told me when I was 15 that I should be on bc because that's the only thing she could think of to help my cramps when my prescription painkillers couldn't touch the pain at all. I'm scared to death to stop bc when we start TTC, the thought of 4 or 5 days of intense pain and hardly being able to walk every month makes me want to cry (now that I'm on bc I only have 1 day of pain every 7 weeks).
I confess I have too many clothes and I honestly didn't fully realize it until yesterday. I was starting to go through my summer clothes to make the winter-summer switch, and I have things I don't even remember buying, and clothes that fit just fine even though I haven't worn them in at least 3 years. I spent an hour trying on old clothes yesterday. I could probably do laundry one time this whole summer and still have clean clothes to wear. I need to weed through my "collection" and donate. At least I only found 2 things with the tags still attached.
I confess I'm not a very good wife "in that way" because it hurts too much, and my doctor can't figure out why. I can work through the pain, but I don't always want to.
I really hope so! I'm glad it worked out that way for you. It's definitely gotten better in the 7 years I've been on bc. And my mom keeps telling me that after she gave birth, her cramps were completely gone- hers were almost as bad as mine were when she was younger. So I'm definitely hopeful.
Also, I don't know where I stand in regards to having any more children anymore. I'm going to be 30 next year, so I almost feel as if I'm a ticking time bomb, but I know women are having children later in life, so I know this isn't as much of a problem as it used to be. Sometimes I wonder if I could love another like I love Sami, but then I think that's silly. And of course there's always the money issue, but in a few years, Sami will be older, daycare could be cheaper, I could be back to fulltime and bringing in more money, so it might become a non-issue. I guess I'm just aggravated with all the people around me who are having 2nd children when they shouldn't be, and by shouldn't be I mean they can barely afford their first child without outside help. We're just getting by with Sam, and these women just keep popping them out like its no matter... that irritates me. Also, I had a great 1st pregnancy, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about the 2nd. For all I know, my 2nd pregnancy could be horrible.. I could be in 48 hours of labor only to end in a c-section for all I know. But that's just it... I won't know until I'm there, but I don't know if I want to be there anymore... and now I've com full-circle.
updated 10.03.12
This made me LOL. I've had the same experience with various meals.
In that same vein, a lot of times I'd rather have H give me a great massage than get horizontal. He seems hurt by that and I don't think he should be -- he is amazing at giving massages, it's a compliment. And his other "skills" are fine too, guys just don't seem to understand that we don't always want that all the time. (Granted, I haven't had sexy time in probably 10 weeks since I've been on pelvic rest, so I kind of forget what nookie is like.)
And MB, I'm glad you're considering getting help. Feeling the way you do is nothing to be ashamed of and there are probably a lot more people on this board besides you and Jill who struggle or have struggled with depression/anxiety. Talking it out with a professional really does help a lot sometimes. Though it does depend on the counselor/psychiatrist/etc. Make sure you mesh well with that person. I've periodically spoken with counselors once in a while when something's really stressing me out and some of them have been total duds and left me feeling very unresolved. Don't be afraid to try as many people as you need until you find the one that really helps.
I confess that I'm in a really weird place, emotionally, right now. I cry at night about not having a baby. I literally feel empty and wrong, like I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and like I'm wasting time. I'm barely 24, so that's ridiculous, but it's how I feel. It feels primal and like I can't fight it. I care about little else in my life right now, and I don't apply any above-and-beyond effort to any of my responsibilities.
But I'm also completely terrified. We don't have a ton of debt, just the truck loan and student loans, but our efund is only about 1 month's worth of expenses right now. Every time we build it up, something happens and we have to part with months worth of savings. I feel like we are never going to get past this hurdle. Our savings account is currently exactly what it was at this time last year, even though we increase our contributions every single month. It's becoming frustrating. This is also not helped by the fact that I keep shopping to compensate for the aforementioned emptiness. I want to stop, but I keep impulsively justifying the purchases, and I don't know how to make myself stop.
And the lack of motivation to do anything in my life right now makes me feel like I'll be a bad mom. I don't want to cook dinners for my husband, so why would I want to make them for my child? Little things like that. I feel so conflicted.
Also I miss my husband. A lot. I wish he would go back to working jobs he hates so that I could see him more often. See how selfish I am? Bad mom material.
I usually wear heels to work. I love shoes, I love heels. I love that I can wear fun shoes to work. My clients all know when I'm walking down the hall - combination of the heels and my stride.
My confession?
I've started wearing more flats to work lately because I don't want them to know when I'm here. I wear flats and hide in my office with the door closed. It started on days when I had a lot of work to do and didn't want to be bothered. Now I do it more often than I care to admit...
<a href="http://s65.photobucket.com/albums/h205/adia83/?action=view
Do your doctors get concerned about this? Mine has me take medicine if I don't get a period in 6 months but we do have very different medical histories.
----
I'm so worried and anxious about my first race. I signed up for it last night but it is freaking me out. I know I can finish the distance and I won't come in last but it makes me really nervous.
I've been reading that going on a low carb diet might help with PCOS but that's not enough motivation for me to go on one. I also read that losing weight would help and from the time I was diagnosed last June to now, I've lost 15 pounds and still nothing. So I don't really think low-carbing would do it for me. I love bagels too much.
i got my first cycle at 18 and went on BC shortly thereafter. i've been on progesterone BC since, so my lack of AF is because of my BC. i've had breakthru bleeding here and there, but no actual cycle.
I confess I read the lurkers thread and I was one of the people (I didn't know there was more than one.. can't figure out if that makes me feel better or worse) that sent a PM to Lizzay about her pregnancy announcement. I don't have the PM anymore, nor can I scroll back enough to find the original post, but the way I remember, she announced right after my m/c, the post title was relatively vague and not labeled that it was PR/BR. I PMed her to ask her to label her post because I felt really blindsided when I opened her thread and I was really not in an emotional place to deal with an announcement at that time. I feel like I was nice about it, but I never got a reply and never saw her around again.
If that makes me a b!tch, so be it. It was a visceral gut reaction thing and while I'm sad that it made such a negative impact on her decision to post, I felt I had a valid concern for myself and others who may have had a hard time reading an unexpected post about pregnancy. Take that as you will. <shrug>
Congrats to both my TTC buddies, Amberley18 and sb2006 on their beautiful babies!
So excited for you! I know the nerves thing, I still get them sometimes at the starting line, but you're going to do great. Be excited, it's very cool. And be warned: addictive! You'll cross that finish line and then rush home to jump online and see where your next race is.
Oh duh, silly me. For some reason I didn't even think of BC! Just because I haven't been on BC doesn't mean that's true for everyone.
Sigh, I swear my head just isn't here most of the time.
Hopefully it will go away, because right now I just feel like crying lol.
I've heard it's addicting! I wanted to sign up for the Disney half, so maybe I'll do that. Or do one closer to home.
i dont think you're a biitch. i was just shocked to hear someone emailed her because i didnt think she was insensitive at all. but, i also was not in the same mindset as you were at the time and i can see how it would be upsetting.
{{{hugs}}} I know these feelings oh too well. I also had a shopping problem. I know people joke about "retail therapy" but I truely believe that it really is linked to depression. I always hoped that the stuff I would buy would replace the empty feelings but it didn't. It woudl just become a vicious circle b/c then I would see my bills and become even more depressed.
Dx: Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism After 2 years TTC & failed IUs,we have our IVF baby born 9/24/11
LO#2 aka 'Miracle Baby' Orig. EDD= 9/28 EDD moved to 10/3/13
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." --Thomas A. Edison
Nothing is wrong with you. It's overwhelming, expensive, and to be honest, pretty annoying feeling like you have to research every single baby item before you buy it!
You're only 15 weeks, you have tons of time to research and buy things. H and I didn't start shopping for baby furniture or anything until I was probably about 24 weeks or so. We had hardly bought anything else for the baby until this past weekend (finally got a car seat, Snap n Go stroller, baby bathtub, etc.) We waited because we wanted to see what kind of stuff I would get at my showers. I still haven't bought the cloth diapers, diaper bag, cleaned, etc. My nesting instinct may never kick in!
You have great taste and you'll eventually decide you feel like buying baby stuff. Don't stress right now and just enjoy a few months not overthinking baby items. It's nice to be pregnant for a while and just have fun with your husband and do stuff you wont' get to do as often once the baby is here.
Though I thought about registering, and bought the Baby Bargains book to begin research, I didn't buy or register for anything until I knew what we were having, and even then I didnt want to think about buying anything until I knew she was 100% ok. Trust me... you're fine.
updated 10.03.12
<a href="http://s65.photobucket.com/albums/h205/adia83/?action=view
:Blog:
Thanks Tonia! I guess I do have some time, but I just feel like I should already know everything! Lol...not rational, I know. It's all just a little overwhelming:)
<a href="http://s65.photobucket.com/albums/h205/adia83/?action=view
Thanks.
You nailed it. Ugh, no fun.
H is so mad at me. he's asked for a bj 3 times in the last 2 weeks and i've refused. Its not that i don't want to make him happy but it really really sucks not getting anything in return and since i gave birth i've been having a problem with my hands they go to sleep when i am using them example my right hand is almost completely asleep as i type this. My feet are also doing it. I just don't feel up to doing it right now and he doesn't care to understand my side.
Im going back to work on tuesday, and we are having my FIL watch drake, this was not my first choice but with our schuedules and the fact that it's free i went with it. Yesterday H's mom said " i can't wait till you go back to work so i can take drake and show him off to all my firends...im taking him all over town." So bascialy i feel like she's going to be off taking my baby where ever she feel like even though i told them he was not to be going all over town...( h's parents car's sucks and FIL doesn't have the best driving skills) His mom has told me before that "she's the grandma so she gets a say in what goes on" WTF!?
I confess: I'm terrible jealous of everyone's baby talk and have wanted to post "shut up about your babies and your breastfeeding!!!!" posts, but realize it's pure jealousy and ridiculous. Sorry for those even that thought offends.
Also - i confess I like the term "KU."
I confess: I think about trying to nest at work, but know I'd get caught instantly. I miss having the nest to kill time with.
I confess: I went though a time of trying to completely distance myself from here and unfriended everyone on facebook because I have never felt like I fit in around here and thought it was time to move on. I genuinally like this board though... and i really can't spell.
Tela - I miss you from the board! I love your dog pics - we want to get a boxer some day. I know how you feel about not fitting in on the board sometimes. I feel that there are some distinct groups of cliques on the board that don't involve me. I also can't nest at work so by the time I get home most of the posts are dead.