Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: I dont know what to do, any advice?
What you need to do is document EVERYTHING --- everything he has said and done -- and safeguard your finances. Move your money into accounts he can't touch; change the PIN numbers on your ATM cards and don't let him access your credit cards.
He is also trying to manipulate you. Don't listen to him -- he's also trying to guilt trip you.
And please don't make any rash decisions regarding your daughter. What's happened to you is devestating; you've vulnerable right now and you need a clear head.
If you are spiritual, talk to a clergyperson -- if you're not religious or particularly devout, a clergyperson's kind words would help.
Your H will get some type of custody...unless you can prove he is violent, addicted, or abusive he will get some type of custody. Him being bi isnt going to prevent it.
Your lawyer will advise better, but know it will happen.
I'm glad you have decided to worry about you and your child instead of him.
Stay strong, it wont be easy but you are doing the right thing.
My DH's ex is bipolar and refuses to take meds (that's why she's the ex). When they divorced, he got full custody and she had supervised visits only due to her illness.
Get a good family lawyer to help you with custody. And DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.
I've seen judges give visitation to kids even though the man abused the wife(go figure) because he never hit the kids. You will need a lot of documentation to prove he is an alcoholic you might have better chances with that.
A good lawyer will help you do the best thing. Make sure you get a good one. Use friends andrelatives to suggest one.
Holy cow...there was past domestic violence?
You should have run like hell the second you found out that was the story. Oye.
And when he tried that on you you should have been out that door and never looked back.
I cannot figure out what you saw in this guy at all.
Document everything:
His drinking bouts
if he has gone to rehab; how long he was there, the name of the facility, what happened after he was released
If he is a member of AA
If he has a drug and alcohol counselor
Document also the fact that he's gotten violent and that there is past DV involved
Name of his shrink; the diagnosis
If you've got documented proof of his past DV, that would help
Any type of violence against you, either physical or spoken
That's to name a few. You need all the ammunition you can find.
I don't want to add more wood to the fire but wow, this guy was never marriage material and certainly never father material. He's not even human race material.
For love of God, document everything and keep it in a safe place, like a bank safety deposit box. YOu do not need to risk the chance of him finding what you'fe documented.
And keep safe.
THe second you are free of this guy the better off you will be. I'm pretty sure, as I said, you can have this "marriage" annulled in a civil court just based on his sexual preference -- another reason why you need to document.
Child neglect should have been reported to CPS -- and where was their mother when all of this was going on?
This guy is bad news. I am most certain that it's the proverbial no brainer what to do next: he needs to go. The faster he is history, the better off you and your child will be. There's nothing here for you; there never was in the first place. And there is nothing here to save. This guy's a d!ck, a bum, a drunk, an adulterer and a POS.
Another thing I am going to suggest, even if you're saying good riddance to this bad piece of rubbish:
AlAnon for you.
And adding this, also: if your H was never seeing a drug/alcohol counselor and/or had the help of AA and a sponsor, he was never in recovery. AA likes to call this kind of person a dry drunk.
I also suggest therapy for you; your self esteem is non existant, if you married a loser like your H.
You can fight for custody and you'll probably have to give him some sort of visitation preferrably visitation which someone has to be there. If he has visitation and doesn;t show up then you could go back to court and the courts could rule that he doesnt really want to see her and rule full custody to you. He is mentally unstable and that alone could rule in your favor. Honestly I feel you are making the right decision in protecting your daughter and I commend you. Praying for the best for you and your daughter