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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Poll: Did you have an open bar at your wedding?
This was my thought process as well. When I got married, I hardly ever drank...probably a glass of wine a couple times a year. My soon to be husband didn't want a bar at all, because of the expense. We offered free tea, water, coffee, lemonade, and soft drinks...and if anyone wanted something other than that, they were welcome to purchase it. However, I did supply food and drinks for my guests. The only reason why I caved and gave the ok for a cash bar was because my family boycotted the wedding if there wasn't any alcohol offered, so I figured, if alcohol meant so much that it would keep people from attending my wedding, it wasn't something I was going to stress over and just offered it up for those who wanted it to partake in.
Because anything you provide should be paid for. Why should your guests be required to buy something at a party you are throwing? That just comes across as cheap to me. If you don't want to pay for alcohol then don't offer it at all, but don't make your guests buy their own.
Gosh, you guys would die at a Spanish wedding where you're pretty much culturally expected to give at least the cost per plate to the bride and groom as a "gift."
In my region, that means a gift starting at 100 euros p/p.
WE had an open bar. DH's relatives and friends were a bit surprised as it is not the norm in Ireland to have a fully open bar. Typically people do cocktail hour open and then it turns into a cash bar for the rest of the evening, or they provide all the wine or all the beer or something but not everything and not all night. It was included in the fee we paid for the location/food/etc.
As far as the why do guests need alcohol issue I look at it this way: why do guests need anything at a wedding or other party? You provide things to make them have a good time, and some people prefer to have a glass of wine with dinner. It's a celebration and most adults like alcoholic drinks and especially like to indulge at a large celebration like that. You didn't need to provide favors or cake or any of those other things but you likely did becuase you feel it adds to the atmosphere and experience for your guests. Same thing with alcohol in my mind. I also hope that most people can enjoy it responsibly but since I am throwing the party and providing the alcohol I thought it was our responsibility to provide a way for guests to get from the reception to the hotel safely and hired buses for them. Again, to each their own but that is just the way I look at it.
Just because you don't drink, doesn't mean your guests don't. That would be like saying, I'm a really light eater, I don't really eat dinner. But hey, food is available, buy it yourself.
If you are asking people to pay for things themselves it comes across as less formal - not like you're throwing a party, more like you're getting together with people. Does that make sense?
Re: alcohol - no you don't have to have it to have a good time. Much like you don't have to have music. But these are things that make it seem like a celebration.
I hope you all don't hate me because I had a cash bar!
I promise I'll never do it again!!!
My inclusion of the fact that I don't drink was to illustrate why my opinion was probably weird, not to indicate that because I don't drink others shouldn't. Your food comparison doesn't really make sense to me.
My point is that drinks are infact available, they are just non alcoholic. Yes, it probably would be better not to include an option to buy drinks at all, but rather just provide the non-alcoholic drinks, but like a previous poster mentioned, some people would rather there be an option for alcohol, even if they have to pay for it since like you said some people believe it should be included in a celebration.
We did an open bar (H would have flipped any other way-- he's from Phil/SJ, if it's a regional thing?!)
I've been to one wedding that was 1hr open bar and then cash bar. It was largely b/c the Groom and his friends were Aholes. Seriously. Even w/ only an hour of free drinks the man said, and I quote, in the receiving line (done at the end of the reception, but while the bride's Grandmother was still present)--- full voice level, "I'm goin' home to F*ck my wife!" [oh and the was in response to a prompt, "Steve, put your pants back on"]. Klassie! I swear to God I would have filed for an annulment on the spot. No, really. I like a drink, but that is beyond f'd up. (for those keeping score that was Lynchburg, VA).
What do I think? I think it's up to the couple. You know your friends and family you know yourselves. What did you invite them to (backyard v country club-- one's not better or worse, it's just different expectations) and what are they used to. I/we wouldn't be comfortable w/ a cash bar, but we're drinking (socially) people and the majority of our friends and family are also social drinkers.
I/we paid for the wedding (I was over 30 and not comfortable accepting money from parents--- again, just me) so budget was important. I/we had a number and we had to make it all fit. I liked everything we did, but yeah, I'll be honest, my dress (which I loved to bits) was less expensive than it might have been if I wasn't paying for booze. Similar, our centerpieces--- nice, but shells and hydrangeas, simple and not as high end as what we could have done.
My point is, at the end of the day, it's trade-offs... what's important to you and what's important to your guests. To be honest, if I polled everyone at our wedding (only 3yrs ago) no one would remember the centerpieces, but everyone would remember the food, booze, and music, whether good or bad, b/c that's where their priorities were/are!
We had an open bar, I don't know anyone who had a cash bar. My brother just had a dry wedding - they don't drink at all and there's some family situation around alcohol in her family so she didn't want any available for anyone. It was a morning wedding and there were soft drinks. When they made their decision, we were all a bit surprised but it was a super casual wedding in a park and it was fine in the end. It wasn't a financial situation at all, they just really didn't want anyone drinking.
I think cash bars are way more popular here. We went to the evening part of a friends wedding and there was an open bar for a couple hours and everyone was very surprised. I guess it's not the done thing!
BFP Apr 2012, EDD Dec 19 2012 * twin h/b at 6wk, 9wk scan * Baby A lost at 12wks, Baby B was my rainbow born at 36wks
I've been married twice. At my first wedding it was an open bar, wouldn't have wanted it any other way. When I married DH, it was just the two of us on an island at an AI, so I guess we had an open bar for ourselves, haha.
I won't lie, I personally prefer to attend open bar weddings but having grown up in the south, I have been to plenty of cash bar or dry weddings. I do understand that sometimes people don't have the funds to cater to what I like so to each their own.
Here in Colombia the most common practice that I have witnessed is people supply a glass of wine with dinner and then whiskey all night and there is no other option to drink. I personally hate this cause I don't like whiskey much and I'm stuck without anything to drink.
I'm way late so nobody will be reading this anyway, but here goes.
We provided alcohol at our wedding but, as it was catered in a hotel suite, wasn't technically a bar. We only had about 30 people and I had to order the booze when I was sorting out the food. We had champagne, red and white wine, beer and a few bottles of whatever hard alcohol I knew my friends were into at the time.
We got married in Vegas and, like PPs have mentioned I felt it would have been rude to ask anything from my guests when they took time off work, traveled to Vegas - some people from the UK - paid for hotels, airfare etc. We even hosted a big brunch in our fancy schmancy suite the day of and day after our wedding. That may have been a bit overboard, but I thought it was worth it.
And FTR, I was pregnant at the time so didn't get to enjoy any of the alcohol we served
We had an open bar.
I've never been to a cash bar wedding and I hope I never go to one. I agree that GUESTS shouldn't have to pay for anything.
If budget is tight then just offer beer and wine.
My civil service was in a dry county, so no, we did not have an open bar. My older brother did provide 3 bottles of champagne for the party to share though.
Most weddings I have been to (in New Orleans) had an open bar. It was expected, and would have been in very bad taste to not provide a bar for the guests. My older brother's wedding (in Nebraska) had 2 kegs and champagne for toasting, as well as a cash bar for mixed drinks or when the kegs ran out. My BFF's wedding was dry, sparkling grape & apple juice were provided for toasting the happy couple.
I do not think a cash bar is bad or a breach of etiquette. I liked the way my brother handled it at his wedding. If I had had my wedding in New Orleans, I would have flounted tradition and expectations and had champagne for toasting, but an otherwise dry wedding. People would have complained, but it would have been what I could have afforded. We are working on planning the church service for here, and while I am pushing for a dry wedding, DH say we have to have some alcohol. I think we are going to use my brother's model as a jumping off point and have a set number of drinks and when they run out, there will be punch and soft drinks.
Really? It is pretty common throughout the South. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dry_county
You are right, Gwinnett definitely isn't dry. It is, however, a dump. I hate Gwinnett. Sorry, that was a tangent
I know in some dry counties you have to buy a membership to be able to even drink at restaurants.
My brother got married in a dry county in TN. We (myself and OOT family that I never get to see) left the reception after an hour and a half to drive to the next county and have some drinks together in our hotel bar. The reception was completely cleared out after dinner was finished being served.
No we didn't have an open bar. We provided free beer, wine, and sodas.
I have been to weddings with a cash bar. They don't bother me since I am not a big drinker. I might get a drink and that's it. I know my DH is not a fan
Needham is actually "dry." They are half-@ssed dry though, it basically just means no liquor stores or bars. Restaurants still serve and you can bring booze in. One of those random, silly MA alcohol laws. I have friends who live there and they have to go over the line to Newton to buy beer.
2012 Reading Challenge
No judgement here
It isn't done in my area, but I can understand that different areas have different cultural norms.
For your second, third, and fourth wedding I definitely want to see open bar though :P
2012 Reading Challenge
I'm a little late but this is the thing that bothers me I think. If the excuse is that you're on a tight budget, than adjust your party to match. Get married somewhere less expensive than a gorgeous New England Inn, or cut the guest list a little instead of asking guests to pay. We paid for a good part of our wedding on our own, and made sure to keep our guest list to 90 so we could afford to provide for all of the guests.
I think I'm more likely to understand a dry wedding since it's usually for religious/personal/cultural reasons, even though I don't think I would have fun at one. It just seems to me like a cash bar is saying, "I COULD have paid for your drinks, but I decided to spend my money elsewhere"
Now jumping domestically.
Well that was a crazy couple of years.