Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: MOH in wedding vs. Family funeral
Does your religion require it? Other than certain faiths that require a short time line, IME, people tend to wait 5 days or so. It takes that long to get everything together. Then need a day or two to just breath and deal with the loss, then a day or two to plan.
The Prince Charles thing was more of a joke. The comparison was to the girl who got married in Hawaii and delayed her weddding. Obviously there are destination weddings and destination weddings. This girl had only parents, sibs, grandparents and very close friends attending. Her grandparents picked up the tab for eveyone.
I can't imagine asking over 200 people to fly to a wedding. Wow.
I would go to the wedding.
Here's the thing...while you should put your husband first, he should also put you first in the same respect. I would hope he'd insist you stand up as MOH for your bff. Both you and your bff would be hurt worse if you missed her wedding day than he'll feel having to mourn with the rest of his family in your absence. It's not like he's all alone.
What would you want him to do if the situation were reversed?
I'd stay for the funeral if it were me. Even if he says it's fine, it's really not and he's going to be fielding questions about you all day long, and someone in his family is going to more than likely give him a hard time about it.
This.
If I told my BFF that DH lost his grandmother, she would want me to be there for him. Once you get married, your spouse comes before other family. Parents, friends, and other family members (should) understand this. And it's not like you planned on not coming to the wedding. I know that if I were in your position, I would have such guilty feelings no matter WHAT I chose, but I also know that my BFF would be there the next day .... DH's grandmother is being buried that day and while a wedding is a day you can't get back....you say goodbye once.
I dunno ... that's my thoughts.
H and I grew up 1000 miles apart. On top of that, we both went to college about 500 miles from where we grew up so our friends are ALL over the country. No matter where we got married, about 90% of our guests would have had to fly. So we picked our alma mater.
We were screwed no matter what. Trust me, our guests came first. Logistically, our university was the easiest place for most people to get to....and had the cheapest hotels. So "wow" all you want. We did our damn best to but our guests first.
But my point in regards to the OP is you are GREATLY simplfying the situation. The vast majority of weddings in general can't just move the date the week of.
H and I grew up 1000 miles apart. On top of that, we both went to college about 500 miles from where we grew up so our friends are ALL over the country. No matter where we got married, about 90% of our guests would have had to fly. So we picked our alma mater.
We were screwed no matter what. Trust me, our guests came first. Logistically, our university was the easiest place for most people to get to....and had the cheapest hotels. So "wow" all you want. We did our damn best to but our guests first.
But my point in regards to the OP is you are GREATLY simplfying the situation. The vast majority of weddings in general can't just move the date the week of.
first of all...everyone stop quoting entire strands!
Then back to the timing of the funeral...no, I don't have any particular religion in mind when I gave my typical timeline...I know Jewish try to bury within 24 hours but this is not what I'm talking about. But waiting an entire week to bury someone seems long to me.
A week is long? Just goes to show how people always have differences.
You made a promise to be at the wedding. Talk with DH see how he feels. I might try to be there for the visitation then fly out. I think it also might be different if you were just attending the wedding but OP is the MOH!
Sorry for your Husband and family. Talk to you DH. Good Luck.
Funeral
I wouldn't feel right leaving my DH alone.
It really just depends on your personal situation and the nature of these relationships. I lost my grandma not long after I lost my grandpa. Rocky could have taken a couple of days off of work to go to Grandma's funeral, but I actually asked him not to. I have a lot of family and they we were all very supportive of each other. To me it was easier to know that he was at home holding down the fort so I could relax enough to grieve. I could stay longer if he wasn't there, and he was taking care of the animals and continuing to work at an hourly job that wouldn't have paid if he'd come with me. My family judged at first, (not that it really mattered), but when I explained that I wanted him to stay home because he was giving me more support at home than by coming along, they completely understood.
Long story short, it really just depends on your own personal circumstances.