Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: s/o Weight gain
Yeah, that wasn't my point at all. I'm attracted to the Seth Rogen type... average height and a little stocky. I'm in no way pining for some unrealistic page in a glossy magazine.
H's family has some pretty major cardiac issues. His mother had a heart attack and stents, then went on to congestive heart failure, an aortic anurysm (sp) and a triple bypass. Four of his uncles have died from heart attacks, stroke or kidney failure. Both of his parents have diabetes, high blood pressure and are obese.
His 40 lb weight gain combined with his sudden love of the grease sack is concerning. He's already on meds for high BP, anxiety, depression, GERD and he's hypoglycemic. He needs to take care of himself better than that. He knows it and his doctors know it. He just can't seem to get it through his thick frickin skull.
Make no mistake. I'm no supermodel. I'm 5'7" and weigh 170-175 lbs. I wear a size 12 or 14. Luckily my boobs help with my proportions. I'm happy with myself for the most part. I'm hypoglycemic and have mild asthma, but aside from that I have no medical issues. I would like to lose 10 lbs, but that's just for my own vanity (14s are loose and 12s are snug, I'd like to be in one size comfortably). That's it. My doctors aren't nagging me to lose weight and I passed our medical screening at work. I'm ok being overweight (according to the dumb medical charts). I think I look pretty good.
http://pandce.proboards.com/index.cgi#general
DH is already slightly overweight, so yeah, if he gained that much weight, I'd say something about it. I don't think it would have much of an effect on how attracted to him I was, because I find myself attracted to big guys too, but I would worry a lot about his health.
I'd be blunt about bringing it up. I'd really just say, "You need to lose some weight. You've gained way too much, and given your family history of diabetes, you really need to take care of yourself."
I actually HAVE gained fifty pounds since we got married, or nearly so. Granted, I was 95 pounds when we got married, and I am 140 pounds now, and it seems that I carry my weight in my breasts the most (which is pretty awesome). But if I gained that much from where I am now? No, he wouldn't be as attracted to me. And I get that.
Holy crap, for the first time I agree with Kuus. This is a big moment for me.
Guess my 20 years is now, then.
But I don't think I'm coming across clearly when I say that there doesn't have to be "don't look at parts at all" and "only look at parts". I feel like there's a big gray area that's missing here.
QFT
The Mr. and I have BOTH had major weight/body changes (yo-yo type) thelast few years--pregnancy, health issues (mine), health issues (his), job issues (both), depression issues (his).
It's only been an irritant when it's been the last straw on my wee little Dromedary's back.
This thread is VERY interesting.
I know that I've always dated guys that are, really, below the bar of where I should be looking. But that's BECAUSE I'm a fatty and still don't have that innate self-confidence to FIND the guy with the ideal looks I want, like youse guys.
I prefer tall and "thick" with dark hair, myself.
And, again, since I'm a fatty, I'm seeing this from the dude's perspective. I've been 80 pounds heavier and it was because I was unhappy. I don't think I'd be less attracted to a SO if he gained weight, but I sure as hell would be there for him even more instead of throwing him away, since something is obviously up with him emotionally or health-wise (tumah?)
TBH, I wasn't instantly physically attracted to Mr. Mort. My attraction to him started with his personality and sense of humor and then he became physically attractive to me. He's gained about 10 lbs and I've gained quite a bit more than that (I was at one of my lowest weights as an adult when we met). I can't tell that he's gained and he's still within a healthy range for his age/height. I, on the other hand have gained quite a bit and am in an unhealthy weight range. Neither of us have changed the way that we act toward eachother.
I would only be concerned of his health because his blood pressure and cholesterol are on the high side even at a healthy weight. I have mentioned that part of it because he knows he needs to eat healthier and it's something we are both working on together. We have both approached it as getting healthier, not becomeing thinner so we are more attractive.
Is it possibly easier to look past physical appearance when your initial attraction was based on personality? Kind of like people who meet online and don't meet eachother in person for weeks or months after they 'met' online. The whole getting to know someone first type of thing. Or could it be because I am overweight I don't feel I can be one to judge someone else for their weight? I don't know. I don't judge anyone because of their weight...well, except for that woman that was recently in the news that was trying to gain weight to be the heaviest person to break a world record. I judge her for being an idiot.
Oh thank goodness, someone else to sit at the lunch table with the nest "olds"!
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
I was one of the ones in the other thread that mentioned this. My point was for her to feel better about herself for herself to boost her self esteem. I know that if I neglect myself by not doing much to my hair, not wearing make-up (because I usually wear make-up) or wearing clothes that make me feel good about myself, I start to feel shlumpy and unattractive. How you feel about yourself has a lot to do with how others view you (the whole self confidence thing being attractive to others). If she always had worn her hair in a ponytail, never wore make-up and usually wore sweats, then I wouldn't have mentioned that she might want to try doing something different to her outward appearance.
On the days when I'm having an especially good hair day and have on a new cute top with my jeans that fit perfectly, I act differently. People notice and comment that I'm in an exceptionally good mood. I'm also more likely to be extra flirty with my BF which in turn makes him flirt back. It's good for everyone!
I say, do what it takes to make yourself feel good about yourself whether it's something with physical appearance or getting therapy to work on the inside. As long as your doing it for yourself and not to make others happy.
My DH has gained about 50 pounds in our 4 year relationship. As far as appearances go, I could not possibly care less. He is gorgeous to me.
I do, however, talk to him about the concerns I have with his over-eating and his lack of activity in his lifestyle. He is 10 years older than me and I always tell him I want us both to have long, full lives together and I need him to keep himself healthy so when he's 90 and I'm a mere 80 he can be just as much a spring chicken as me!
So, yes, I do talk to him about it.. I talk to him about my concerns a lot actually.. but it has nothing to do with my attraction to him. I love his little chub. I think it makes him even more adorable! Haha!
What you do is fix food before the moment is upon you, preferably the Sunday before. Make a large, basic salad on Sunday, enough to use every night for a dinner side for a week. Lettuce, shredded carrots, celery, green peppers, grape tomatoes; have little things to add to it each night fresh, like sunflower seeds or croutons, but all you have to do is grab a handful of the prepared stuff and you're ready. Get some fat free dressings.
Boil a dozen eggs and peel them; so you have hardboiled eggs to eat as a snack or put on a salad, all the time. Take them in your lunch (which you should pack nightly, so as to not miss a home packed lunch due to no time in the am). We go through about two dozen a week. Keep them on hand at all times. Lunch should be eggs, greek yogurt, two or three pieces of fruit.
Get greek yogurt (14 gs of protein per container); ten containers a week; and each of you have a container in the am, with a piece of fruit like a banana, and a glass of milk; that's a big dose of protein in the am and it's easy, and will keep you from being hungry till lunch time. Get extras if you need a snack; plus they're great in the evening when you're behind on getting dinner on the table.
Get a couple of prepared chickens from the grocery store (rotisserie or baked) and use them for meals. I make a quick fajita with them, or put some of it in the salad for a chicken salad, for an easy and fast meal on the table in NO time, with the pre-prepared salad. Get the pre-spiced chili beans; two cans of beans, two cans of tomato sauce and a half pound of lean ground beef will make a GREAT chili you can put in the crock pot before you go to work in the am; come home at night to POOF great chili. Use fat free shredded cheese for a topping for this (as well as for your salads) and some fat free sour cream (also good on the fajitas)
Other high fiber or high protein foods for easy instant food include cottage cheese (no fat, very high in protein); fresh fruits, baby carrots, celery; pineapple, apples, oranges,bananas, swiss cheese; some prepared foods for a fast dinner are those progresso soups (a can each for a meal, with the salad), and a piece of fruit and some cottage cheese works great for a weekend lunch.
It's clear that something is always going to come up in the evenings; thus your various plans of who will do what will nearly always fail, and you just have to accept this and come up with a different way of food prep. Do it on Sundays for the week; and do the lunch prep the night before. It's helpful, too, to set your breakfast table the night before, so you can walk in and sit your asss down and eat. Other high protein breakfasts can include a bagel and low fat cream cheese, english muffin with peanut butter, and a glass of milk; or scrambled eggs/english muffin/milk and a piece of fruit; but get your asses out of bed and eat in the morning, 20-30 grams of protein before you're out the door.