Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Kind of NSOR but I'm being sued (long).
Word. Most of my situation was not my own doing, BUT I still looked back and found things I needed to change. I work my butt off in therapy, at work and with my family to fix the damage.
My life is pretty great now because I made the right decisions. I accepted guidance from others, while still making my own decisions. I got flamed a couple times, and sometimes it was the reality check I needed.
The women here are not your enemy... YOU and YOUR CHOICES are your worst enemy. You talk yourself into certain things because you are afraid to follow your gut and your brain.
Seriously, this is the point. Why do you not think well enough of yourself to have standards that include someone who makes you feel good and has a stable job, etc. etc. I don't judge your BF at all based on past actions b.c. I'm not here enough to know what they were. I judge solely based on the fact that you have admitted before you are codependent and that he feeds that side of your personality.
You would be a lot happier if you could start making productive, clear headed decisions more of the time. Yes, everyone makes mistakes, but the mistakes you keep making are significant and make your life a whole heck of a lot harder. What troubles me is that you still can't seem to acknowledge this and make self sabotaging decisions, then go into a tailspin when the most predictable outcome happens. Obviously that takes time to work through in therapy, but the fact that your immediate response to the roommate scenario is "I am going to sue those b*tches for emotional distress b.c. they were mean to me." clearly shows that you're not taking the basic steps needed to stop the cycle of destructive thinking and decision making.
Your first step here should be to read landlord tenant, read your lease, consult with an attorney and figure out what this girl is looking for, then go from there. If you set your personal feelings from the experience aside and try to look at this objectively, you may be able to handle it in a productive way and clear it from your "things that stress me out" list. Then I would move on to the boyfriend situation and handle that simultaneously with the job/$ situation.
Venting is one thing. Whining, complaining, and throwing a temper tantrum because of your own self-created situations is quite another. This is one of the most "puppies and rainbows" boards I have ever seen on The Nest but no one is going to sit back and coddle you and condone your behavior.
You are right. It's your life and your decisions. However, you're posting about them on a public message board and therefore opening yourself and your choices up to scrutiny.
Yes there are those of us here who made poor decisions and married losers. However, most of us have taken a long, hard look at ourselves and learned from what we chose to look past (red flags, shady pasts, etc.) so that we don't get into a similar situation again. That's our point with you. You refuse to examine YOURSELF to see what YOU could do differently and instead seem to be blaming everyone around you and playing a victim role.
None of us here got into bad relationships completely by chance. We all have choices in life and we made poor ones, which lead to heartache and to this board. Fortunately, because we have learned we can see what we could have and should have done differently. This is why we are attempting to point out to you things that we had to learn the hard way. Sorry for making an attempt to save you from your own path of self-destruction. Unfortunately you seemed headstrong, stubborn, and hell bent on your own demise. So carry on with that and when it all comes falling down around you just remember that we DID try to warn you.
I just want to add that if you do reach that point where you are ready for self examination and to change feel free to come back here for guidance and support. This board is very supportive of those who are ready to support themselves.
Agreed.