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So...I contacted the OW yesterday
I have no idea why...For the first time on Thanksgiving she showed up with my ex to pick up DS. I of course knew they were together but I guess actually seeing it with my own two eyes and having him flaunt it in my face made me upset.
Soo...Yesterday I sent her an email. This is the first time I have communicated with her since our break up and me finding out that they were dating openly immediately after our break up.
I basically told her that I felt I needed to let her know that I know that she was probably flirting with him way before we broke up and that I know that he mostly likely cheated on me with her. I told her that after some distance I have realized that I don't need that loser in my life and if she does that is fine with me. I explained to her how she has made me feel replaced because she basically is living the life I was including taking care of my son in my old house with my old fiance.
Anyway, I doubt it was the right thing to do but it makes me feel better now that she has my side of the story. For all I know my ex just told her that I broke up with him and so no problem that they date right away because I didn't care or something like that.
So I knew that she would probably forward the email to him immediately which I'm sure she did because he tried to call me twice this morning. Of course I didn't answer. I have nothing to say to him regarding this.
Re: So...I contacted the OW yesterday
Please tell me you're in counseling.
Pretty please tell me you've made an emergency appointment with said counselor.
Pretty please with a cherry on top tell me that you realize you need to nip this behavior in the bud if you don't want to risk her slapping a harassment charge on you if you continue to behave this way.
ETA: These letters are sometimes good to write--but never to send!
Yes, I am in counseling. I'm not sure that one email would constitute harassment but I see your point.
No matter how mad you are it is almost never ok to do this kind of thing.
It honestly makes you look crazy. Even if you are not.
I agree with MCC, make an appt with a counselor.
It won't, but if you get a response from her, chances are that you're going to respond again and again and eventually it will amount to harassment.
Also, I can make a bet that if she says something to you and you go BSC in front of your kid, your XH will be more than happy to bring this up with respect to custody issues.
I would imagine it was already pretty obvious to him and probably her that kicking me out on the street made me feel bad. I can't imagine my email was news to either one of them. But I see your point. However at this point it doesn't really matter to me what they think of me. Either way it is not good so who really cares.
What is BSC? Yeah I better get this under control. I can see me going nutso on him if I don't prepare for next time I see him to drop off DS. Definitely I will not speak to either of them via email or phone or in person regarding this matter.
Please protect your heart and not expose it to people who don't care about your feelings. You are much more valuable than that. A therapist is a safe place to start, once you get the tools on how to use your internal compass to guide you through life, you will be able to face life's obstacles without needing to seek validations from others.
Bat Sh!t Crazy
BSC is pretty much any reaction involving harsh tones, raised voices or threats/accusations. You can't let this women and your X get the better of you. They are not worth all of this anger. It will eat you alive and hurt your son. Remember he did nothing wrong and loves you and his father.
With a post like this, I can't ever imagine why on earth your BF has ED due to feeling like you're still hung up on your XH....
Anyone else remember the poster who called the XH or OW (I forget which) like 65 times in one night?
Seriously, I posted that exact thing on S&R. And you wonder why your BF feels like you're "not into it" in the bedroom?! Get a grip, lose the BF, and work on getting yourself and your child's lives back on track!
The fact that you don't see how BSC your actions are is really, really disturbing. I'm not really sure what you hoped to accomplish? I know you say you don't care about what they think of you, but you do realize your actions are demonstrating the exact opposite of that right? It shows them you do nothing but think and obsess about them. I guess you can at least know that in addition to solidfying yourself as the crazy ex and thus allowing your ex to get a ton of sympathy, you've also provided them, and all of their friends and families they forwarded that email to a lot of laughs.
Nope. But at least more people will know who you are when she forwards the email around. Also you realize the last line makes you sound a little umm psycho right?
This is one of those times when killin' her with kindness might have been the better route to take. I totally get that it is hard to see them together. My ex-h left me for a co-worker that was 10 years younger than him. They are still together. She lives with him now. She came with him to my son's birthday party at MY house. She came with him to my son's school play last year. It SUCKS. But ...
Now that I am a few years removed from my divorce, I can say that she is the best thing that happened to me. With him, I never would have the future I have now. I never would have known what it was like to really be loved by someone even when things are hard. I never would have known that "team" feeling I get with my SO, because I never had that with ex. But I honestly didn't know what I was missing until she came along and they started their little affair.
It's really hard at first to take a step back and realize that something better is waiting for you. But you really have to do that so you don't end up sending nutty emails like that. Bite your tongue, *** about her to friends and family, be happy when she is nice to your child and figure out a way to be as civil as possible to her for the sake of your child. It is honestly what will be best in the end for all parties involved.
Seems like you're blaming a lot on her. Like she was the vixen in high heels making a ploy the whole time to "steal away YOUR man". What about him and the fact that he was the one who made vows to you?
While it's easy to blame the OW, remember who you were married to. Chances are you don't even want to know what he told her to convince her to sleep with him.
And now we have a conspiracy theorist. Maybe she killed the grandparents so she could console your grieving XH
Ok, so I guess three months (time of the funerals) before my ex started dating her she probably didn't have any interest in him. It probably just happened instantly the minute I moved out. Seriously, you are going to call me pyscho because I believe she was making a move on my fiance?
We didn't need another reason to think you're nuts, but now that you mention it, let's add this to the list...
This is the FIRST thing I thought of too. I can't blame you for wanting to get that $hit off your chest..but as much as you may blame or hate her, just remember that your child is going to be in her life and for the sake of your child.. it is for the best if you are ALL on friendly terms.
At this point I don't give a sh*t how immature or trashy I seem.(obviously) I have no intention of ever being friendly to her or my ex.
It's your verbiage that is disturbing. "she was plotting to get rid of me." Weird and very conspiracy theorist. After reading this I can only imagine how awesome your email was.
I totally get wanting to let her know you aren't the "bad guy" you are being betrayed as. I also totally get that you want her to know how hurt, angry and how badly you were treated.
However. They won't take your email as such. It will be proof of everything your ex has said about you. You can't reason with unreasonable people. You must separate yourself from their world, you have to stop caring what they are doing, what they are saying and how she is living your life. I know, easier said than done. Trust me, I get it. Get a blogger account, make it private and write these letters to her daily if you need to. But don't send them anywhere. Write him letters, tell him what a DB he is. But don't send them anywhere.
Keep your eyes on the prize. Which is your child. Don't give them ammo against you in court. Don't give them any impression you care about them. Fake it if necessary. It will save you so much energy. I promise. And go see your therapist at least once a week for the time being. It's worth every penny.
Good luck.
::sighs::
Reason 2,345 why you have no business being in another relationship right now.
At this point I don't give a sh*t how immature or trashy I seem.(obviously) I have no intention of ever being friendly to her or my ex.
This above is the concern I think all of us are trying to point out. You are seriously angry over the whole situation. You should care how they see you, because it may impinge upon custody of your son. The worse you bring yourself across the more they will save every crazy thing you send and then give it to their lawyers. You don;t want to lose your child out of anger. I know this is hard, but your child is worth so much more than this behavior.