Starting Over
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: So...I contacted the OW yesterday
I hate to say it, but this part is pretty much true. Judges don't give a rats a$$ about the dramaz. My divorce took less than 5 minutes once I got in the court room.
I have to ask...what was your motivation for the e-mail?
OP, most everyone here is being pretty delicate with you, mostly because you seem to be teetering on the verge of insanity. It's disappointing that no matter how we're trying to deliver the message to you, you still are refusing to see how destructive your behavior is for you, but also for your child.
FTR, the more I read from you, the more I think it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if your X ended up with custody. He may have cheated but you're just plain nuts.
When do you see your therapist again?
"Not only is sending this to her work email innapropriate, if her work filters her emails first this could become more of an issue. Please don't do that again for everyone's sakes. And answer your phone, talk to your ex, apologize for the less than stellar behavior (no matter what a douche he is), and move on. "
THIS is my vote!
I'm not really sure what you want to hear. What's done is done. Obviously I can't go back in time. I agree it wasn't a good idea. I agree to maintain civility when dropping off my DS.
So you think my ex should get custody because I have not after a few months decided to welcome his new girlfriend with open arms?
I'm guessing this is a good thing?
Man, I wish I had cable!
FFS, really?
No one is suggesting you welcome her with open arms.
I suggest you just stop posting in this thread and move on. It's healthier for you. Talk to your therapist about what happened - move forward.
I love how you sugar coat things. These are the reasons you are nuts:
-Obsessing about ex and his new girlfriend (seriously, you're level is NOT normal)
-Considering the gun range is a good place for stress relief
-Tracking down and sending emails to the girlfriend on her WORK account (never ever okay not matter how hurt you are) and in the process looking BSC
-Weren't you the one who told your son "daddy doesn't want to see you" (apologies if this was someone else)
-Being in a relationship with someone when you clearly lack the emotional capacity to take care of yourself and are obsessed with your ex
You know, I think we have the beginnings of a Lifetime movie here.
I'm glad I am not the only one who remembers that incident being this poster. If so, this is part of a series of incredibly selfish behavior and self absorption to the detriment of the OP's child which makes me really sad and concerned. OP, you keep acting out in ways that apparently make you feel validated and justified which are not helpful at all and can actually hurt the people around you, most importantly your child. Get thee to therapy and reassess your priorities.
You don't have to welcome her with open arms, just be civil and polite. In the end, you are blaming the girl and never your ex. And no matter how many times we tell you that, you still jump on the bandwagon of "she is the evil woman that plotted to get my man". Even if for some reason this was what happened, she would not have succeeded unless he wanted her too. Additionally, you are in another relationship, seriously, why the eff do you care?
No one is saying that, but the fact that you can't act like a mature adult is a pretty good reason.
I'm 99.9% sure that was someone else, someone who had a daughter, not a son. I just want to be sure we're flaming people accurately.
That was not me. My son is only two years old and probably doesn't understand anything that is going on. I certainly would not tell him that.
I have to speak to this whole consipracy thing you have going on that you think she was plotting to get your ex from you.
When DH and I were early in our relationship, there was a girl who basically threw herself at him. Asked him out IN FRONT OF ME. It was quite laughable, actually. But - still, she was out to "get him" and she tried and tried hard.
But here's the thing - HE wasn't interested. Not one tiny little bit. He was happy with me, he didn't want to date her or anyone else. So... we're still together. 20 years later.
Your ex wasn't stolen from you be the "evil OW'. He made the CHOICE to leave you.
And as kuus said... I'd actually love to hear his version, because reading your version, it's giving a LOT of weight as to why he chose to leave you.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
You are oversimplifying the entire situation.
It's not because you sent out a crazycakes email to the OW or because you aren't welcoming her with open arms. It's the attitude that you have taken in this post and in many, many other posts which is making me think that you don't possess a rationale bone in your body.
Many of us have been through terrible things but the difference in our story and yours is how we have chosen to react. You need to look yourself in the eye and realize that you need serious help for you and your child.
You do not need to be in another relationship right now. You need to spend time by yourself. A lot of time. You need therapy and time to reflect and just focus on your needs and your child. Forgiveness for what happened won't come overnight but with a lot of work and time it just might.
What worries me the most about you is that you are a hot mess but you are refusing to see the error of your ways. You just continue to defend yourself and keep up destructive behavior that will not benefit you in the slightest.
I have seen many people IRL do similar things and the saddest thing is when they involve innocent children. And that's where my concern comes from. I wouldn't be so worried if there wasn't a child involved.
Ditto
As a mom, I know you would run into a burning building to save your child without thinking about your own safety or physical pain. That is what moms do. That is why WE ARE FAB-U-LOUS WOMEN!
Emotional pain, is the same. Run into that emotional pain (aka "make nice" with potential step-mom) to save your child from the emotional fire.
It will hurt (I speak from experience), but I'd rather carry that burden than risk my boys being potentially hurt.
When they are grown they will figure it out. But until then I'm all smiles and kindness (even when I'm crying inside)
Thank you for that. I know eventually I'll come around. But I guess in the meantime I will just be civil. As you can see I just don't have the strength for smiles and kindness just yet.
Soooo.... I know this is just semantics, but the OP does not say they were married.
A lot of posters are saying the "exhusband" broke his "vows". I dont think there was a husband or vows. I think it is just a boyfriend. Granted, they have a kid, but some people aren't even boyfriend/girlfriend and end up with a kid, so that alone does not signify "commitment".
I hope this post doesn't make the OP think I am plotting to take her man...
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
This.
And for the sake of your kid, you NEED to care.
You know what, it is even about losing custody it's about your son's WELL BEING. He should not be around fighting, hateful parents. You need to let go of the anger and treat each other with respect for HIS sake. How will he feel when you are still talking sh!t about HIS FATHER in the years to come? He won't take your side, I can tell you that much. Grow up and start protecting YOUR SON rather than blasting your anger to everyone around you. Sheesh.
Oh good lord this is just bad.
Seriously, don't do that again. No really, don't just say you won't and then go start a new email...DO NOT do that again.
You have got to move on. It isn't healthy for you or your DS.
My XH cheated on me with a woman he was stationed on a Navy ship with for 6months out of the year while I raised our child alone. They are now married and she is the stepmother to my kids. I can't be all sending BSC emails about what they did or did not do in the beginning of their relationship and at the end of ours. You have to move on. Be the better person and get over it!
ETA: Anything you put in printable form can come back to bite you in the asss. Any custody issues that come up, he can print any of this out and prove to the judge you are unstable.
You need to stop it.
I wasn't going to respond to this because everybody has said everything already I was going to say.
However..
Did I miss it? What did you expect or want to have happen as a result of the email being sent? Did you want an apology? Did you want the xh back? .. What?
Did your mom or dad (or whoever raised you) ever teach you "if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all." ? I mean.. really?
My xh has a GF... good luck to her! I want to send her a message saying THANK YOU! hahaha! Get over it, move on and focus on whats important. Your kid!
And to the PP who said about the lady who called her xh/ow a load of times in one night? I was thinking of the same thing!
I know this is pointless, but I feel the need to say it. You are the one setting the example for your son on how to deal with your X and the OW. Do I like that the OW exists and will be a part of my son's life, no, but I know that if I act like I'm okay with it, he will be okay with it. Honestly, my son's well-being is way more important than my need to be a beotch! He matters to me...not my X, not the OW. He needs me to be okay with this mess that the adults put him in the middle of. You need to be the grown-up in this matter.
Also, please see your counselor and try to find ways to get over the anger. It's not healthy for you or your son.
Stalker, much? Find a new therapist, because clearly the one you have isn't doing a very good job.