Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Let's start a running list (trapper keeper style). What makes you F'ed up?
1. I took my XH back after he dumped me out of the blue and then he went and married someone else 6 months later. He divorced her and came back into my life 6 months after that. I should have known that he'd do it all over again...
2. I have issues with sex apparently...and see no problem with hopping into bed with someone early on, but then not sleeping with them because I have issues with it. Then I wonder why I am over dating.
3. I haven't had sex in over a year...probably because of said issue (and I haven't dated that much since the divorce because i really haven't wanted to). I think maybe I'm recovering from my FWB years ago that might have scarred me for life? I don't know.
4. It takes me 5:30 to run a marathon...and I still consider it "running a marathon" (H&F would flame me up and down for that one!)
5. I let my dog have little boundaries. She can be on the couch, in my bed, etc. To some, they may see this as weird/gross. To me? She's my best most reliable partner and she keeps me sane and less lonely.
6. I have alot ALOT of debt..XH and I still have 3500 on a credit card we're paying down (but it was at 9000 a year ago!) . Yet I sometimes still by myself things because "I (feel I ) deserve it". Case in point: a gorgeous bag I bought thinking I was going to get this one job (it was a steal of a bag, but still). I didnt' get the job, but kept it because I was sad and it made me feel better.
Ok I'll add here what went down in my marriage to XH:
* I knew the entire time we dated/were engaged that he was cheating but never found proof so told myself it was all in my head.
* later found out he had been cheating since the day I met him including the night I went in to labor and had slept with all of my friends in the state we were living in.
* When my son was 2 weeks old he threw an air bake cookie sheet, the heavy metal ones, at me while I was hold our son, yet I still tried making my marriage work.
* even with knowing about the affair I still tried to talk him out of a divorce
* After 6 months of being separated I still had hope of working things out until I snapped out of it and realized I was completely screwed up and off my rocker.
No Carrots, the ones who scare me are the ones who THINK they're being all tongue-in-cheek with their posts, but are actually really trainwrecks and just don't realize it.
For me, we've already covered that BF's kids are only 4 and 9 years younger than me. Ummm...beyond that, let's see....
1. The time frame where I've been dating BF slightly overlaps the end of a casual relationship that I was in before him (by 1 week)
2. We started dating before BF's divorce was final (he had been separated for over a year)
3. We said "I love you" super early because we had loved each other as good friends before becoming a couple
4. I've never been to therapy...ever
5. I have serious difficulty standing up to authority figures
6. I can easily kill a bottle of wine by myself in a single sitting. Easily.
7. I pole dance and teach pole dancing
Thank you minordeets for the inspiration!!
Can I get lessons? I bought a groupon earlier this year but haven't used it yet.
Sure! My pole is at BF's house (no room at mine). You'll have to come visit sometime!
heck yes! Definitely not until after I get in to my house so I can get a decent sitter.
1. I wanted to have my husband's emails subpoenaed for our alimony hearing. (Turns out I wouldn't even need to, but I had tabled the idea anyway).
2. I called one of his mistresses. The weird part about that was we actually had a nice conversation where we commiserated about what crappy husbands we had...except one thing that made mine crappy is that he was having an affair with her.
3. I let my soon-to-be-ex-husband stay in my house when he comes to town for visitation.
4. I want to get re-married at some point and it's because of religious reasons and because I feel cheated out of having the kind of marriage I had always dreamt of. (I know I shouldn't be thinking about that this early on, but ultimately it's what I want)
Oh shiit. If $3500 is "A LOT" of debt, then I am screeeewed. Seriously, though, I'm working through debt too and I struggle with wanting to buy my happiness.
Oh no...I have more than that.
That's just what we still share.
Ok, what went down with XFI:
1. I knew he was cheating, the late night texts, not coming home GOING OUT OF STATE WITH ANOTHER GIRL! I even found an email about getting together "to relieve stress," but he made me feel crazy and like it was all in my head. I stayed until HE dumped ME (and promptly moved in vacation girl once I moved out but SWEARS up and down that they didn't started dating until i left-BS)
2. XFI picked off most of my friends 1 by 1. He used my father's addiction to do it. "You shouldn't hang out with A, you drink too much with her and are an alcoholic just like your dad."
3. I recently ran into one of XFI's old coworkers and he finally figured out how he knew me. Convo:
Me: "Yeah I dated A"
Him: "That's so funny, I met him as J and he only dated men, then he started going by A and only dated women."
Talk about a double life. I JUST found this out 6 months ago. Thank goodness I was a "no glove no love" girl. Who knows how many people he banged while we were supposed to be together.
4. XFI blames me for the break up and tells everyone I cheated on him with my H, I was crazy, I have huge issues, etc. It makes me laugh. Anyone who believes him isn't worth my time.
5. I lied about XFI to my therapist until I met H and was ready to face my issues. She was mad at me, but got me through it. I am not sure where I would be without her.
I wanna play too!
1. I have 2 kids from 3 different dads (my DS's biodad was MIA and my now XH adopted him last year). I really worry that this makes me look totally sketchy to possible love interests (down the road).
2. I have pretty much no relationship to any of my family other than my mom. I have two brothers and have limited contact with one and none with the other (he married a very evil woman).
3. My mom lives in my basement, which sounds worse than it is...we converted it into a really nice apartment.
4. I had 2 step-kids during my super short marriage and a lot of the time I'm glad I don't have to deal with them regularly, like I did when we all lived together. They were incredibly spoiled and clingy. I care about them and still enjoy visiting them when I do see them but I don't miss the everyday stuff.
5. I was in therapy for most of this year to cope with my husband's infidelity. It was the best darn thing that ever could have happened to me. I really took a hard look at my own crap and have made some positive life changes.
6. I honestly believe my XH's affair and the divorce were the best things that could have happened to me. I got to see what I am capable of and realized that I am capable of really loving someone. I just picked the wrong someone.
7. When I had DS I had broken up with his biodad and I had my c-section alone. It was probably one of the most depressing things I have ever experienced. One of the staff, held my hand and told me I would be okay when I got sick from the meds. He also cut the cord for me since I didn't have anyone with me to do that.
8. I am terribly jealous of people who have the birthing experience that I wanted. I wanted to have that joyful moment shared by two loving parents who longed for this child. It's taken a lot of time to let it go. XH played on this when shiit got bad, which hurt more than anything else.
1. I started dating before I was divorced. We'd filed, but it wasn't final yet.
2. Apparently I like older men now. First guy I dated post split was 18 years older. Guy I went on a first date with Tuesday is 13 years older.
3. I have daddy issues. I just saw my dad for the first time in about 10 years a few weeks ago. It went really well for the first time in a long time, he & I are on good terms.
4. I fvcked a 20 year old about two weeks after I kicked out XH just for shiggles.
5. Add me to the baby fever like whoa list. I have it more now than I did 6 months ago when XH was talking babies to save our marriage (HA! Glad I didn't fall for that one).
Guilty as charged. I sent a few to an ex-boyfriend from college.
1. I got pregnant at 22 by my xbf, who cheated on and beat me.
2. 3 year later, I started dating STBXH, who was 19 at the time. (xbf was 8 years older than me).
3. Although it is clear ending my marriage is the right thing for me and my children, I have been depressed and starting to second-guess myself.
4. I ignored the red flags in my marriage and planned to have a child with him anyway.
5. I believed his promises to change - over and over again - again and again and again.
6. I go back and forth between anger and despair - several times each day.
7. I am consumed with guilt, both for bringing my stbxh into my son's life as well as removing him from it, for depriving my unborn daughter of living with both parents and for a lifetime of bad choices.
8. I care way too much about what other people think of me and need to learn to listen to my own instinicts.