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Parents wanting to stay at my house for a visit...
Hi, I'm new to this board and looking for a bit of advice.
Backstory:
My dad was in a terrible accident this summer and only recently went back to work so money is tight for my parents who live 10hrs away from me.
We will be celebrating my daughter's first birthday in March. Today my mom asked if her and my dad can stay at my house if they come up for DD's party. I told her my sister and nephew plan on staying here (they are flying up for the party). My mom said that's fine I can sleep on the floor.
I'm uncomfortable with this for a variety of reasons. One, MH, DD and I live in an 800sq foot two bedroom house. Our living room is so small we can't even fit a double sized air mattress in it. My mother knows this as she has visited a few times. Also, I already told my sister she could stay here. We would have my DD in the pack n' play in our room while her and my nephew stay in DD's room for the weekend.
Last time my parents visited we gave them our room and stayed in DD's room and my dad was uncomfortable with having our room and kept saying how he would sleep on the couch. I would never have my 60yr old father to sleep on the couch.
Anyway, this got longer than I expected...How would you handle this? Would you pay for a hotel room for them or just deal with cramming 5 adults and 2 one year olds in 800 sq feet for a weekend (while throwing a bday party for ~ 30 ppl)? Also, I'm really not sure how my parents would react to me offering to pay for a hotel room. Or if MH would even agree to it. Ugh! Help please 
I never even thought I would be worrying about a bday party that is more than two months away!!!
TIA =D
Re: Parents wanting to stay at my house for a visit...
I think I'd pay for a hotel room for them. My H would be on board though because we would do the same if any family member came to visit and money was tight for them. Before we were married H had people be so nice to him monetarily when he was living paycheck to paycheck so we like to pay if forward if at all possible for us.
This! I would let them stay. It is just for the weekend and it sounds like they really want to be there.
"Don't marry a man unless you would be PROUD to have a son exactly like him." ~ Unknown
I would love to pay for their hotel room but $$ are extremely tight for MH and I. He just returned to school and will finish a week before DD bday. He doesn't have a job lined up yet so I'm concerned we wouldn't be able to afford it.
I struggle with this a lot: His accident and being there for him and providing things I can't afford.
I flew to see him in the hospital and we definitely couldn't afford it. It maxed my CC and I still haven't been able to pay it off. My mom showed me all the clothes and purses she bought while in the city and never once offered to help with my ticket.
They've said they would visit for Thanksgiving and Christmas and backed out both times. I had to cry on the phone for my mom to understand it was important for her to be at my DD 1st bday. She never commits but constantly says how much they miss us. Then she says they have no money, then she tells me about her new hair do, her new outfit, or her new purse. If she can afford all that why can't they afford a hotel room?
I sound and feel like a selfish teenager but I also feel like I'm being walked all over and emotionally abused.
ETA: I meant to quote PB and Mofo
Ok, this is completely different than your original post. Sorry, sounds tough:( What makes you think they will really come this time?
I was trying to make it a short post...lol! I guess I just hope they come so I want to be prepared. I feel like they are so not involved. They just don't make it a priority at all. I know they love us and miss us. But when it comes down to visiting and making a plan they are either completely evasive or back out on the plans they did make. I've told them this and they just apologize and say they wish they could be here...blah blah blah!
Given this, I'd happily offer them the living room floor. They'll either take you up on your offer (fine) or find a way to pay for their own hotel room (also fine) IF they show up.
Some thoughts-
1. Who moved?
There is an unwritten "rule" in some families that the one who moved away, bears the burden of visiting. Who is footing the bill for the cost of getting from point A to point B and back?
My parents came to see DS for his Eagle ceremony over T'giving. Tickets were very expensive at that time (they fly out of MCO) so I had them stay here. I was throwing a party for 120 people
2. If you are too broke to pony up for Motel 6, why are you throwing a birthday party for 30 people? Are you doing this at your home or offsite?
I have a guest bedroom and would be happy to lend it to a friend's parents who are visiting for a special occassion. What's 2 or 3 nights when they are up and out all day visiting their grandbaby? Do you have a friend you can ask?
If you can't, I would also google B&B's in your area - I've heard great things for low rates (way below hotels) and had a few good experiences NYC myself. They are a variety of options - by regualr people who want to make some money on extra space. Since you're local and you have months, you can check it out.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
We moved here, farther away from my parents than we we originally were. We moved for work. My sis and nephew are staying here because they are flying and they asked first. I would gladly offer my parents to stay here too, its just such a small house. I have no idea where to put everyone? I could offer the crawlspace, lol! Just kidding.
Approximately 30 ppl is our max, but those are the ppl I am fairly certain will come. I wanted to have the party at our house with a few light snacks and cake (about 2 hrs of party). I don't know what Motel 6 is (I'm in Canada) but hotels in my town are about $150-180 per night. Throwing her birthday party at my home or off site would be way cheaper than a two night stay at a hotel.
B&B's are a great suggestion. I'll have to look into this. Thank you
A friend of mine actually did offer her spare room (before my mom even mentioned coming). My dad is super stubborn tho and would probably say no. But, maybe I should talk to my mom about this option.
If you begged them to come, you should put them up.
If you maxed your cards and are in such a financial tight spot, a bday party for 30 for a bday your child won't even remember might not be the best idea.
can your sister afford to pay for a Hotel? Where do you live? I have a small condo with no space for visitors. When my family comes to visit (sister, her two kids and my folks) usually rent a suite at staybridge suites or something together. Two beds and two baths with a livingroom and kitchenette. Often, places like that are cheaper on the weekends because they are geared more toward business travel and therefore are empty on the weekends. You can get good rates.
This works out really well for us.
M y first thought!
I would let them stay, they can sleep on the floor, have them bring a sleeping bag.
If you knew $$ was tight (since your mother spends her money on other things) and made a huge issue out of them coming, I dont see why you're surprised that they "have no money" for a hotel and need a place to stay.
If you want your parents there, you'll have to sacrifice comfort for a few days. If not, you cannot complain if they say they can't come due to lack of funds.
Good luck.
You have to open your mouth and say "i'm so sorry, that won't work for us". Get them a hotel room if you can afford it, or not if you cannot.
Thank you I never thought for MH, DD and I to stay at our friend's house. That would work great. We are more than comfortable there and the rest of my family could stay at our place. Thank you, I'm not sure why I didn't think of that
Just to clarify, it is not normally a "hassle" for them to visit. With such a small house we don't normally have so many people staying at one time. They (my parents) have stayed a couple times before and I actually wasn't expecting them planning on staying here since they mentioned it was so crowded when they have stayed before. My dad was clearly uncomfortable and my mom felt "we were on top of each other" - her words, not mine.
Thank you everyone who replied, it gave me a lot to think about.
I would actually ask my sister if she would stay in a hotel (obviously she knows the back story?)
If that doesn't work, then I'd just pay for them to stay in a hotel. Ask your sister if she'll go halvsies with you.
I agree with this. I would offer them the floor, or whatever, and see if they take it or can make other plans. You begged them to come to the party, and it would just be counterproductive to deny them staying with you. I say this for your own sake, you wouldn't want them to hang it over your head that you "begged us to come and then wouldn't let us stay with you." they know what your house is, and if they are willing to be in close quarters, look and see if you are. If not, then don't. It all comes down to whether you really want them there or not.
Honestly, if I had to "beg" my parents to do anything in terms of showing up for my children's events, I would start telling myself to let go and lower my expectations for them. These people have cancelled on you 2x before, and complained when you graciously offered your house before. I would concentrate less on "family" who don't make the effort and surround yourselves by friends and family who care about you.
I speak from experience - - dh's family is like your parents. DH went to every single one of their children's parties, graduations, etc. Suddenly they are "too busy" with their own lives. We send them an invite and if they show up, they show up but if they don't we focus on the people who will be there.
my thought exactly. even if you're just hving it at home if you have debt that you can't pay down the 100 or 200 or 300 you'll spend for these 30 people could've easily gone to pay down your debt.
you invited them. if they want to stay at your house then it's fine-you invited them.
I have to agree w/ a PP - I think you need to start changing your expectations of them. It will lead you to being less disappointed by them.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
My husband and I live in a one bedroom 500 square foot apartment. We got a pull-out couch, which is amazing when family comes. Futons are also SUPER. When our couch is folded out, it fills pretty much the entire living room.
For my college graduation, my mom and four sibling came and stayed with us for three days (two-nights) over the weekend. My BIL and SIL also drove fifteen hours to stay with us for the same amount of time. My husband and I slept in our tiny bedroom, and the other seven guests used sleeping bags, the couch, couch cushions, and whatever else we could find in the living room, entry hall, and kitchen.
We had a BLAST. I won't say everyone wasn't a little relieved once it was all packed up, but it was still a great time....even though my family doesn't even know my in-laws too well. I would say, if the guests are willing and are family....do it!
(as a side note, my mom also has a horrible history with spending.....she "didn't have enough money" to help with my wedding, but went on four major vacations in the following year...I have posted before about this. I just got over it for visits.....they live long enough away that it's not a constant issue for me)
You know they can't afford a hotel room, where did you think they would stay?