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Did you have BMs trouble at your wedding back in the day?
Some of you might have seen my previous posts about this back on The Knot, last year. Long story short, my 2 (I only had 2) bridesmaids told me my bachelorette party was on a certain weekend. I waited, like they instructed, and nothing happened. No calls, nothing. They didn't come to my bridal shower cause it wasn't in their town. I never asked them to plan anything, but they kept insisting. They then sent me an e-mail telling me I should wait to get married until they were settled in their lives. Yes, they are no longer friends, sadly, but I couldn't get over how hurt I was.
Now, my other friend is getting married. I'm her wedding planner, her bridesmaid, and I'm planning her bachelorette party. I'm dealing with guests from all over the country. I don't know about you, but planning this party was so easy and pretty cheap. Now, I once again feel bad that my other BMs couldn't do that much, when they insisted even though I told them I'd plan, or my Aunts wanted to do it. WTH? Did any of you guys deal with something similar? I don't want a pity party, just a chat to see what you all went through!
Re: Did you have BMs trouble at your wedding back in the day?
No trouble from my BMs, they were great. The biggest "problem" was that I fronted the money for their dresses and one paid me only about half of what I was owed ... but I kind of knew that would happen when I offered to front the money, so I wasn't really angry about it. If I absolutely needed the money in full then I wouldn't have fronted it to begin with. Groomsmen were great as well. We only had four people total - my siblings and one best friend each - so that may have had something to do with it.
Outside of the bridal party, yeah, there were some people who disappointed us. Nothing worth cutting off a relationship for, but I think it's true that weddings bring out the best/worst in people. Some people really went above and beyond for us. With some other people, we know now that we probably won't be bending over backward to help them anytime soon, know what I mean?
Yeah. My craptacular sister got pregnant and her dress wouldn't zip up on the day of the wedding.
(And before this gets flamed, I'm joking. Not about being pregnant, she really was, but we were all happy and it wasn't anything a safety pin didn't take care of). My BMs were awesome.
My cousin had 4 BMs - a sister, a future SIL, and two friends. The BM's planned the shower - it was in the home of a friend of aunt's family (so not too expensive). When responsibilites and costs began to be discussed (food/decorations), the mother of the future SIL (cousin's future MIL) called my aunt (mother of the bride) and said "My daughter does not have money to contribute. These days, the BM's say that they are throwing the shower but everyone knows that the MOTHER OF THE BRIDE pays for everything."
My aunt was so stunned by her forwardness and complete lack of tact, that she paid for everything.
Who calls the MOB and tells her to pay for everyone to save her daughter from a 1/4 share of a really low-keyed party?
It happens. People just get crazy around weddings. Let it go.
PS: I have to ask - was your shower beyond driving?
One of my BMs needed to be "babysat," - needed a ride from the airport, had no transportation. We gave her $100 to run an errand for us (buy a guest book) and got $18 back. She told us she used the extra money (the guest book was $20) for water, tolls, gas (my car had a full tank and I have ezpass), and to tip the hairdresser (I paid all the girls hair including tip!).
Also she planned to leave early from my wedding - the wedding ended at 6 pm and she had a car pick her up for a 5:30 flight.
HAHA - there was fog in Logan where she was landing and she waited in the airport until 11 pm for takeoff. She could have been at my party eating and drinking and comfortable. Karma svcks!
I don't hold it against her (aside from posting here, lol). She is not the most dependable friend, and I knew that going in.
Mine sucked. It's not that I expected more, it's that I expected something. They didn't give me a shower or anything, so a good work friend arranged a work shower for me. That work friend did more than all of my BMs put together. It was like she was the only one who cared. If I could go back with what I know now, I wouldn't have had any BMs. That way, I wouldn't have been disappointed.
Well, maybe I would have chosen different ones. Or just the work friend.
No trouble. My BMs were my twin sister and BFF. They were helpful and all around great. All my four older sisters were awesome help through the whole engagement and especially in the week beforehand and my wedding day.
H's GM were two friends. His Best Man's wife wanted to go to his bachelor party and was pissed off when he told her no. Said best man and his wife stayed at a B&B way out in the boondocks (25 minutes outside of town) with no car so my sisters & I ended up being their rides (when my now H couldn't). It was slightly aggravating as I'd never met either of these people before yet had to chauffeur them around for the week before my wedding. (My H lived OOT and wasn't there the whole week.)
My BM's sucked! They all went on and on about how they hate people who don't do what they say they will and how it is my wedding and we can do what I want but when the time came to do anything they complained or were MIA.
MY MOH (my aunt) was great and pretty much took care of everything.
For ex...my BMs were getting a bachelorette party together for me and forgot to invite my MIL or 1/2 of my friends. Almost no one showed up. They told my MOH they would all split the cost of the shower and stuck her with the bill ( I did not find this out until after the wedding).
One decided that she was "special" and didnt have to wear the shoes that they picked out to the ceremony "because the dress was long enough" so she wore black tights and no shoes.
They even made me an hour late for the ceremony because they forgot the rings!
Cycle 1 - 13 BFN
Cycle 14 Surgery complete!
My BMs were great. They all knew how to stand in a line in the front of the church.
Life was great.
Wait...what? They asked YOU to not get married until THEY were settled in their own lives??
And you are sad that these people are no longer your friends??
No problems. My wedding was a low-key wedding in a garden. I only had 2 BMs: my sister and my BF. I had a few other close friends who did readings and who were involved in the shower who were basically BMs without wearing the matching dress.
My sister had just graduated college at the time, so her participation was really honorary, and I knew it was unrealistic to expect her to "do" much. She had no money and no experience with this type of thing. I paid for her dress, etc. I also didn't expect much of the BF, whose oldest child was born around the time I got engaged. The friends threw me a nice shower at BF's house and a fun bachelorette party, and then we all had a fun time at the wedding!
Say whaaaa????
I had a lot of trouble from one. I didn't expect much from my BMs, they had their own lives going on, this was just an important day to me, but she was just totally rude and kind of hateful toward me in the end. She blew off rehearsal, wrote me some nasty emails attacking my character. I really didn't understand and for a year after, I kept wondering if I had said/done something to hurt her. Looking back, I realize that it really had nothing to do with me- she was going through a lot with her bf at the time and I think had a lot of jealousy issues.
I still do not speak to her to this day.
The other 2 were awesome- 1 was my sister, and the other was a good friend. We don't talk much anymore, due to distance and lives getting busy, but she was great and I will always love her, even if we aren't really "friends" anymore.
Yeah. One dropped out because of another event she had to be at (but it was a school event for a sports team she was on at the collegiate level). One started harassing me about how I didn't deserve to get married and threw all kinds of accusations at me that weren't true (she was having a manic episode, but no one knew that at the time). One had recently broken up with her boyfriend and was just having too hard of a time dealing with my getting married and I had to ask her to just be a guest (after her pouting and complaining and whining and being a b**** while I was trying to plan my wedding).
Weddings really can bring out the worst in people.
No Bridesmaid trouble (both my sisters) but we had groomsmen issues. My sisters both lived out of state so I didn't have them around much. They threw me a very nice shower when they were both in town and we spent a weekend at one of their homes having a girls weekend which was lovely.
As for the groomsmen, neither of them managed to plan DH's bachelor party so another friend of theirs did it because he didn't think a guy should get married without one last crazy bash. At the reception, one of them got completely wasted, kept making passes at my single sister after being rebuffed more than once, developed a case of loose lips and said some truly awful things about my parents because he has authority issues and my Dad had quite nicely told him to be sure to keep his toast classy, and tried to start a fight with my brother in law who ended up laughing at him and telling him to go sleep it off (obviously not classy behavior hence the request to keep the toast on the up and up). I refuse to spend a minute of time with him until he apologizes for his behavior and since I doubt he would ever admit that he was a royal @$$ that day, I don't expect to see him ever again. DH can spend time with him if he wants but I won't be there.
I agree with PP, weddings can bring out the worst in some people!
RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
You made my wedding day complete.
This. My 3 girl friends were awesome!