Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Fact: the Air Force doesn't care about working spouses.
I apologize in advance, because this is going to get a little rant-y.
Maybe I feel this way because so few spouses in our squadron have jobs...but, I constantly feel like the AF is extremely dismissive of spouses who work. First of all, there's the services--which are only really opened banker's hours. Any time I try to make an appointment for anything, I have to get the earliest possible appointment in the day so I can go before work.
This is what I did yesterday. I got up early to get to the base medical clinic. I had an appointment to get a mirena IUD (an appointment I had to call three times to make). I get there early...check in...and wait. After about 15-20 minutes someone calls my name and comes out to tell me they didn't actually get the mirenas that were ordered for the clinic yet...they just don't have any. And no one could have told me this when I made the appointment...when they called to confirm the appointment...when I checked in or at any other time?
I was LIVID. Then the nurse (?) apologizes and says they will call me to schedule a new appointment when they get them...She's like "we can get you in the same day"...and I say "I doubt it...because I will have to go to work."
I guess you're supposed to have so much free time that you can rush in for a day-of appointment whenever they decide they've got their sh*t together?
On top of that, I'm salty because when my H got back from his deployment about 2 weeks ago, no one was there to meet him since nobody called me. There's an Lt. Col. who's supposed to give all the spouses a 3-hour heads up...then another call about an hour out so we can get on base to meet the returning flights. No one has called me when his last 2 deployments have gotten back.
On top of all that, I get an email this week about a spouse's flight on H's plane. Like the squadron thinks it would be fun to take all the wives up on a flight--but the time is TBD. And the email says: "we'll try to make it during the school day so you won't have to pay for child care." I read that as "we'll make it in the middle of your work day, so you can't go if you have a job."
Is anyone else a working mil-spouse? Do you get the same feeling like you're kind of on your own and not really part of the "squadron family?"
Re: Fact: the Air Force doesn't care about working spouses.
Uhh.. I work full time and don't feel this at all. I feel the base clinic is similar to any other doctors office. I never had a doctor in civilian life that was open extra late or on weekends.
As for the deployments go, I'm a Key Spouse so I talk directly to the shirt to get the information and then call the spouses and/or I call and make sure I know whats going on when my husband is coming home... even before I was a key spouse.
The only thing I feel 'out of the family' is that we don't have kids, but I can completely understand why they would schedule a flight like that during a school day (easier for most people, easier for them, etc)
Meh.. I don't know. I know this was just kind of a vent (I think) and I get this way too sometimes, but the issues you're having don't actually bother me.
ETA: I think every wife in my H's shop has a job so it's the norm here.
My H is Air Force and I am a teacher-- (well, not currently employed because of our location)-- I went to college for 4 years and taught for 3 all while H has been active duty before moving where we are and it was always hard to get appointments and such unless it was a no school but not a down day
Have you tried to call Tricare and see if there is a non-mil OB you can go to for the IUD?
I have had a very similar experience, to be honest. I luckily have an incredibly flexible boss and I telecommute, so I'm able to deal with it. But I had to laugh when I saw the OB clinic schedule-- Working Mom's Pump Class? Two options, 12:30-2pm; or 4:30-6pm. Hmmm. I work 10-6. Every day. I get it that the AD women mostly get off work at 4:30, but I still laughed. If you're going to bother to schedule something called working mom's anything, at least make it at a time when people who work regular office hours have a dream of making! All of our classes (birth class, infant care) started at 4:30 or 5 pm at the LATEST. I was able to schedule a lot of first in the AM appointments early in my pregnancy, but as it went on it got harder and harder, and I ended up with middle of the day appointments.
The more social and family events I don't mind being scheduled for when it makes sense for most people, and that tends to be around school schedules, I get that. But I don't like how it's frequently assumed that I'm a SAH wife just because my H happens to be a Marine.
Seriously? I'm sorry but even if you were in the civilian world you would still be complaining about doctor's office hours. I work in the medical field and would be livid if I had to work late nights and weekends to cater to people like you who don't want to just deal and take time off to take care of their business. When I need to go to the OBGYN, or the dentist or my PMC I just let my boss know and take time off. I plan things around what will work for our office and our patient flow so I don't affect it adversely but I make it work. Same goes for my husband who works 7-30:30 and then goes to school 3 nights a week,
I get so livid when people like you call my office and what me to change my hours to cater to you. So just get off your high horse and make it work.
The situation with the OB could happen at any doctor's office, not just a military facility. I see a civilian doctor and their office hours are 8-5. To blame the AF for that is a bit ridiculous. I realize it can be frustrating to match your work schedule with the appoinment times available, but everyone has to do it.
As far as the social aspect, if the majority of the wives in your H's unit don't work, I can't blame them for planning around that majority.
As for the HC notifications, you need to contact the FRG or what ever family organization you have. We had a very similar complaint from a wife this past deployment. As it turns out, her H had never signed her up to recieve information from the unit. He said he didn't know he had to do that himself and thought it was done when he added her to DEERS. Also, they may have an incorrect contact number for you. You have to be pro-active in cases like this. Contact them and ask why you aren't getting the notifications. Don't just sit around complaining about it. They can't fix things if they don't know you are having an issue.
I don't mind the regular dr's office hours, at all. Some of the other things (like the classes) are different-- I bet I could find a Lamaze class in the evenings, and not at 4:30, through a different hospital, for example.
I thought the legitimate part of her complaint was that they had her come in, didn't tell her they didn't have what she needed (the IUD) then said they'd call her in and get her in same day once they got it. It's kind of hard to plan around a full-time work schedule like that. My boss is awesome and flexible, but I can't, as a full-time salaried employee, just take off last minute sometimes, and I do think that there's an expectation on base that I can just do whatever whenever since I'm a spouse.
I worked in Air Force clinics/hospitals for several years as active duty and a contractor. I can assure you the staff doesn't target working spouses and say, "lets give them crappier service." lol.
I understand your frustration and I would be upset, too. But my civilian OB had me come in for a "nurse consult" at 32 weeks pg when I transferred my care to them (coming from overseas military base) and after I drove an hour to get there was told that I didn't need to because my file had been received three days prior. Nobody called me, so we unnecessarily put miles on a rental car (remember, overseas, still waiting for my car!) to get there. And my H lost out on a whole morning of inprocessing because he had to be there to sign stuff as the insurance holder.
Big flippin' mess. I say this to tell you that inconveniences of life are not exclusive to the military. I used to work full time and yes, I would have to miss out on stuff because of it. Family activities sponsored by the squadron had to be missed because of it, but I moved on. I don't expect them to hold everything in the evening because there are spouses who work when it's more conveniently done during the day.
I understand this but I also think that there could have been a chance that they were waiting for their delivery and expecting it at a certain time so they left her where she was hoping that it would work out. We have had to do this from time to time in our office as well. It just happens. And they offered to get her in the day it came in to help her out, its not like they aren't going to give it to her if she can't come in that day.
You're right, that is valid, but that's not an issue unique to the Air Force. Crap happens, man.
I am sorry you are frustrated. I understand about the Key Spouse not contacting you about the arrivals. It is unnacaptable that they never contacted you. You really need to talk to someone about that. I recently had issues with them as well. I got my one and only call on the day that DH got back. It would have been bad if I hadn't been talking to DH already about his travel plans, because "heeey! Surprise, you get your husband back today" doesn't cut it.
As for the doctor thing, it is a fact of life that they operate during normal business hours. You just have to go with the flow on that one.
None of this is unique to the Air Force, or even the military.
Such is life.
I understand this is a vent but what you are complaining about is SOP for almost anywhere, military or civilian. Also, imagine being an AD shift worker. You think you have a problem getting things done? I'm not trying to be rude or a major b!tch but the AF is a little bigger than you.
1. Call your FRG to make sure your on their list, and that your contact information is correct.
2. There is nothing you can about the doctors office (MTF). Things happen, and it also happens in the civilian world. Shipments get delayed (mostly because of weather). You work and thats fine but with working you knew that for the better part of the day you would be at work. Thus you need to understand that you have to work around your appointments and sometimes you just have to suck it up and take time off work.
Absolutely, it does. I just know that, at least in my personal experience, as soon as H joined the Marines, it all of a sudden became a surprise that I also have a career. Before, it was always assumed that of course I also had a job/career. So I have run into instances when I've felt like my husband's coworkers/peers/whatever you want to call them and the organization itself were dismissive of the fact that I have a job as well, so I can relate to her vent. It's likely my own issue, but I do understand where OP is coming from.
I do find it surprising that a lot of the spouse events are during the day, and I totally understand that a lot of people have kids and that's the only time they can do it. What I personally find strange/frustrating is what I've perceived as a lack of understanding that some spouses do have careers. I suggested once that we alternate the coffees between lunch-time and evening (I can actually frequently go because my schedule is flexible, but my friends who are teachers, for example, can't) and the CO's wife looked at me like I had three heads.
Online, I've "met" tons of spouses who have jobs. IRL? I've met maybe 3.
It's not just people with kids. I have none, but I have other obligations outside of the duty day, as most people do, so in order to get max participation without making it "mandatory fun" holding these events during the duty day is the most efficient way to do it.
About FRG stuff with the AF, we do have a Key Spouse if it's a large deployment. However, on the last two deployments my husband and I dealt with, we each went alone, so no Key Spouse. On my deployment, I agreed to call him from Germany to give him a heads up. For this current venture he's on, his Key Spouse is actually spreading unconfirmed rumors about when he'll return (she's saying a month earlier than we were originally told). He told me he will call when he lands in a particular state and his cell phone works. Until this trip, I'd never had contact with a Key Spouse, ever, and I've been in 8 years, three deployments during my marriage.
And again, I get that. But for working spouses with regular 9-5 or whatever office schedules, it gets frustrating after awhile, and very isolating as well. Which is why I understand where OP is coming from. I also have other obligations outside the work day-- my house still has to be cleaned, I like to have dinner with my H and spend time with him when he comes home, etc. But when everything is constantly scheduled at a time when people who work during the day can't make it, it does make you feel like a 2nd class citizen.
It's one thing if it's occasionally. Or even if it's most of the time, since it's hard to make events convenient for everyone. It's quite another when it's every single time.
I just want to point out that base hours suck for people on active-duty too. Nothing says "we're here to help you!" like suddenly having a few hours off at 2:30 on a Tuesday and realizing you can finally go get stuff sorted out at Finance, then getting there and finding out that they leave early on Tuesdays for "unit PT." I would LOVE to be able to get out of work early to PT, but the rest of us actually have to work out on OUR OWN TIME and we still need to get our pay fixed!!!!
Rant over.
Well I'm a working AF spouse and doing just fine. thank.you.very.much. All of our squad/base events are evenings ranging from during the week to weekends. I think the AF is awesome to their SM and their families, from my experience.
As for the Key Spouse, I'm friends with ours and they cold call the spouses all the time. Yet I've never gotten one, the Squad Commander and his wife also were going to call everyone since they're new- that never happened. H's Commander was also suppose to call during H's deployment but didn't. Do I care? Nope because I'm not missing anything important. Yes when he gets home is important but he should also be able to let you know too. I was skyping with my H when his command called to tell me his arrive date and time. Yes you should have been notified but what did you do about it the last time it happened? I ditto that you need to be proactive about it.
This 100%. It can happen at any doctors office. I work and yes, its not exactly fun to have to take off work for an appt but that's life. Doctors and their staff have to eat too and most do not work lunch hours. Its unfortunate that thing like that happen, but people are only human and mistakes will be made sometimes.]
The most beautiful place on earth to me: Glacier NP
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="D
Her issue with the hours isn't for the doctor, it's for activities specifically designed for spouses and families on base.
Yup, if you were referring to me, I have no issues with doctor office hours. In fact, since they're open so early, if I'm able to get the first appointment of the day I don't have to miss any work, whereas when I go to civilian doctors, I usually can't get around it since their office hours are the exact same as mine. I empathized with the OP to the extent that, due to the hours where activities and events are typically scheduled in my experience (which isn't even with the AF), I have also at times felt left out/frustrated as a working spouse. I have felt like the OP before (like the USMC, in my case, doesn't care about including working spouses), so I understood why she would get frustrated. That's all.
I also told Ojo that I understand why they schedule things when they do. Doesn't change the fact that I personally find it frustrating, especially as in civilian world, work social events are scheduled on weekends and evenings all the time (and civilian workers also have obligations in the evenings and children), so the fact that in my limited experience events are never scheduled in the evenings or weekends makes it seem to me like they assume every spouse will be a stay at home spouse. Which in turn frustrates me as a working spouse.
Super Annoying!
I never had an issue with the office hours. What bothered me about the OP's experience was that they assumed she could make a same-day appointment when the Mirenas actually came in, as an excuse for the miscommunication. That's all.
I didn't name call any military facilities, at all. Especially because no one is forcing anyone to go to an MFT. I just empathized with the OP with the general feeling of no one cares about working spouses.
When one works 8-5, getting things done during the work day can be challenging, regardless of who your SPOUSE works for. It is rather galling that you expect the military to cater to your needs. I can only imagine how pissed you would be if your DH had to work from 11-8, so that the service he provides be open and available for working spouses. I can see your vent now: I work 8-5, but my hubby has to work until three hours later than I do. By the time he gets home from work, it's too late to hang out. The Air Force HATES me because I have a job. FWIW, the Army must doubly hates me. As a SAHM, I am available during the day for appointments, but I'm not supposed to bring my toddler. If a friend can't watch him, I have to find a babysitter, who costs $15/hour. So, a "free" doctors appointment costs me $45.
As for family/spouse functions scheduled during the work day, those are planned specifically to upset working spouses. For real. It has nothing to do with scheduling for the majority of their audience. Sure, in a perfect world, alternating between days and evening would be nice. But evening activities, especially mandatory fun, would then come at the expense of family/couple time.
FACT: Balancing two careers in a marriage is a challenge.
FACT: The military provides services for spouses and families because it is required, mandated and/or the right thing to do, not because they want to. It has nothing to do with emotions.
FACT: People who make-up facts about military life never come back to respond to the drama they caused.
I think you are looking to far into the same day appointment. The office told her they could get her into a same day appointment to be nice because of the error, but that does not mean she has to get it on the same day, she can make the appointment for when she has the time before work.
I PPH you.