Sex & Romance
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Infidelity Recovery...Please Help!
Then you must be a rarity indeed, sister. I cannot imagine what a full grown man would have with a woman that age...usually there is nothing in common.
I second this post.
I just do want to point out that our older generations did get married at 21 years of age or younger, and many of them are still married and incredibly happy with one another. It's not about age so much as maturity level at your current age. You can be 30 with a maturity level of a 13 year old- does that mean it is "OK" to get married because you are 30? It's a hard thing to gauge for yourself. I do think that in this particular instance, the OP was too immature to get married.
I second this. I am married at 21 and my husband is 25. We have been together for 4.5 years and engaged for 2. Married recently but would never think of hurting my husband like this, ever. We have always been there for each other and don't plan on that stopping. I am incredibly happy.
I second this. I am married at 21 and my husband is 25. We have been together for 4.5 years and engaged for 2. Married recently but would never think of hurting my husband like this, ever. We have always been there for each other and don't plan on that stopping. I am incredibly happy.
A four year age difference with both parties in their early 20s is NOT THE SAME as 26 and 18. The differences at that gap are very very vast -- he's a full grown man and this is a kid barely out of high school.
Figures that the 21 year olds are going to go "well I know everything" in this thread. Particluarly if you do the math in this case -- this is another one whose husband was her one and only boyfriend...but that is another topic for another thread.
I never said "I know everything." I was simply pointing out that the statement that you made about 21 being too young to get married is ignorant; it is not always this way. I have agreed, if you look back a couple posts, that in this particular instance, it does not seem like a good match.
He has a history of alcohol and I am so worried. I know we need counseling. I am doing everything I can to be a good wife. I can't believe I let this happen. It hurts so much!!!!!!
That's very ironic, considering you were drunk when you cheated on him. Good wife, huh? Why did you run to the ex when you had trouble?
Okay, the age difference? Eh. I was 20 and DH was 26 when we met, 22 and 28 when we married, and here we are, nearly 6 years of marriage later with 2 kids and a strong marriage.
Age aside, if you believe that you two can get through this, you will both need some intense counseling together. I will say, though, that remark about "I don't want this to keep coming up" is relatively unrealistic. Expect that it will come up, because it will. You made some very, very bad decisions, and destroyed the trust between you and your DH, so you will have to deal with those consequences. Imagine this situation is reversed, and imagine how you would feel had your DH cheated on you. You would deal with moments of betrayal, hurt, anger, and possibly some self doubt and questions of self worth thrown into the mix, for a long time to come. That's not to say that I don't believe you two can maybe get through this, if you're both willing, but you'll need to take it easy on him when it DOES come up. Trust issues are hard to bounce back from, but I don't think impossible. GL to you two.
another "million years later" post here...
...i'm really concerned that you are feeling sexually neglected after a week and a half. as a woman who (through couples and individual therapy) has made success and happiness out of a mariage that was sexless for a year and a half, i want to say to you GET THE EFF OVER YOURSELF!!!
anul this marriage and buy a vibrator. if you can't get beyond 10 days without nookie, you've got bigger fish to fry in the self-esteem department.
that said, it sounds like the two of you deserve each other.
Emerald Nuts Midnight Run (4m) 1/1/12
Coogan's Salsa, Blues, and Shamrocks Run (5k) 3/4/12
Colon Cancer Challenge (15k) 4/1/12
Purple Stride NYC (5k) 4/21/12
Run to Combat Autism (5k) 4/29/12
RnR Philadelphia (Half Marathon) 9/16/12
Ok and if you blacked out and he had sex with you...that's called RAPE!
No one is going to tell it is going to be okay because, like all the previous posts said, you cheated on your husband less than 2 months into your marriage. NO WHERE IS THAT OK! Marriage is hard and it's monotonous. Yes I have only been married a few months, but it's been work so far! H and I worked really hard to get to this point. It's not all fairy tales and romance and I'm just starting out! I really and truly think you need to annul this marriage and you need to get counseling for yourself. Personal beliefs aside, it doesn't sound like you were mentally or emotionally prepared for "married life." You obviously lack the skills to communicate your needs, wants, and concerns with your H...the person you are supposed to confide in. Cut your losses, learn from your mistakes, and do some growing up.
Your problem is not the age you got together, or the age difference between you two, or the age you were married at.
Your problem is that you have no idea what a marriage is, how one operates, or how to keep one together.
What's done is done. You married him. You cheated. Now decide if you want to cut and run-- people make mistakes-- or put on your big girl panties and quit running around like you are still on the same level as all your single friends. You may be young and inexperienced, but if you stay you are making a CHOICE to forego your right to act like a stupid, selfish young adult. I married at 21 knowing exactly what I was getting myself into, and it's just a shame you didn't do the same.
Married women do not get to run to other men when trouble hits the marriage. They don't get to drink too much "accidentally" and find themselves in a situation where they just "have" to stay at their ex's house (do your fingers not dial your husbands phone number, or a friend's, when you've had too much wine?). They don't get to choose not to communicate with their husbands about what is bothering them and why. If they do all these things, they will most certainly find themselves divorced women.
Get off The Nest RIGHT NOW and start looking for couples' counselors if you plan to stay.
Hello Friends,
Again, thank you for the help and support and.. kick in the pants I needed. I wanted to give you an update that my husband and I are going wonderful together and don't get me wrong it is still going to be bumpy but I know that we can get through anything.I have grown more then anything from all of this and I dont regret it makeing us stronger but there are better ways to get there for sure! Thank you again everyone!