Philadelphia Nesties
tracyd21
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
What are the Catholics giving up for lent this year?
I think I get a food dispensation for being PG, but I am going to try to DO something instead. Not sure what yet.
What about you?
Re: What are the Catholics giving up for lent this year?
Apparently my right to contraceptives.
Just kidding.
I've given up giving up for lent.
I usually try to do more of something good vs. giving something up (I'm bad at giving stuff up and it never works). I might make a bigger effort to make quality time for DH and I each day, even if it's 10 minutes to talk about how our day went. We often are two ships passing in the night...and run on auto-pilot all week long.
I am fairly certain I am just giving up being Catholic this lent. I doubt anyone will notice, since I am a female, like gay people, and value education, and am therefore invisible to them anymore.
ha, I know. I am really frustrated with the organization as a whole, but I do the whole lenten thing more as a challenge to myself. I keep trying to tell myself that being Catholic is supposed to be about my personal relationship with God and that I should not let the humans that run the organization muddy up my intentions to be a good person and live with intent.
slightly related- i just had my first annual check up since the kiddo and my doc and i were discussing some of my clotting issues. i asked if i should be on baby aspirin before getting pregnant. doc said no, because while there is no hard evidence some studies suggest a baby aspirin regiment could negatively impact implantation. it seriously took everything in me to not say- oh, i guess the santorum supporter was on to something. mind you, my doc is an openly gay man so i bet he would have laughed but i still thought better of it.
dh is giving up bread/pasta/rice. i am going on a spending freeze to realize how much we really do have and that we don't need anything else.
Hand to God, my dad used to say, "You know the best way to keep from getting pregnant? Take an aspirin. Take it and put it between your knees and leave it there for the next x amount of years."
Um, thanks Dad.
Giving up something for Lent (or pretending to) is the only Catholic thing I do! I've given up being a real catholic a long time ago.
ha! I just saw one of Santorum's supporters say this on a TV interview! I was in shock...and then again, not so much!
This is me, too, kinda. It's hard to separate from it completely - it was so much of my upbringing. I went to Catholic school my entire life...through college and grad school. I feel like I am the person I am because of it - but I am so disgusted with everything now...I don't know what to think anymore. I guess it's the Catholic guilt that's causing me to still give up something for lent. It's silly, really.
I struggle with this too. I also have a hard time with how to bring up DS...I feel like I should take him to church and get his sacraments, but how can I drag him to church if I don't believe in it 100% myself?
We are so struggling with this. In a way, it was easier for my parents - they sent us to Catholic school, we got our sacraments, and then at home instilled their own version of values which were more liberal than the church - typical cafeteria Catholics.
But for us, Catholic school is not a given at all. And I really can't see us sending our kids for additional Catholic instruction outside of school, then spending the time to undo everything we do not agree with.
I agree with you here. Religion is probably the hardest parenting choice for me at the moment. I was raised catholic but gradually lost interest in the church and DH is not big on any organized religion so hes taken the supportive but not participating role in this debate. I want DD to grow up with a religious influence in her life but I dont know what, how, when etc.to pull that off. I say Im all for switching to a different strain of Christianity, but I feel like an imposter and Im denying some part of my identity by not remaining catholic. I think its part of the long term brainwashing that goes on in the church, but I cant shake the feeling that I belong there even though I dont want to be there! Honestly it really gives me agita. Sometimes I wish I could convince myself to believe in the hullabaloo just because I could squash my internal struggle!
God you both said so eloquently what I couldn't put into words. I really have no clue what to do. My plan is to have DS bapitzed Catholic but it sort of feels false. I've been stalling for this very reason.
Ditto this. We are Lutheran (me) and Methodist (Mr.D) but they both fall under the Protestant category. We both went to Sunday School growing up but have never been regular churchgoers. Yes, I believe in God, but I don't think you have to go church every week. I think being a good person and helping out fellow mankind goes a long way.
Before we got married, we joined a local Methodist church near our home because we wanted to establish ourselves, be able to get married in a church and have a place to christen/baptize (not sure which is correct for Protestant) our kids. I always felt like a fraud though because I felt like I was going out of expectation, not because I really wanted to be there. Mr.D plays softball on Sundays from March to October and I didn't like going by myself every week because the other members would ask me where he was and start making me feel bad. It's a small congregation and it started to feel very uncomfortable because they were all really in to worship and they would always do activities together like bible study, men's group, women's group, dinners, etc and would always pressure us into doing stuff instead of just accepting us as we were. We stopped attending because it just became too much.
Now that I'm a parent, I also struggle with what to do with Jack in terms of religion. My family was never religious but Mr.D's family is and they go every week and are very involved in all sorts of activities and we sometimes feel pressure from them for not attending or being involved enough (more his extended family, his mom is super accepting of whatever we do in regards to religion). I do want Jack to be christened/baptized so that he can make his own decisions when he gets older but I'm not going to attend church every week just because I think I should. As I said, I don't think attending every week necessarily makes you a better person and I'm not going to force myself to go just because I think I should.
Mr.D's mom is going to talk to the pastor at her church about meeting with us to see if he will christen/baptize Jack. I believe they can't or won't turn away a baby. I'm just debating whether I should be honest with my feelings/hesitation about religion or just play along so I can get it done and over with.
#1 12.11.11
#2 10.23.13 EDD
This is one of the reasons why I did not baptize. I don't believe my son is not worthy of "heaven", if such a thing exists, if he died prematurely. And I don't attend church, and frankly I have a really hard time (as I've expressed here before) signing my son up against his will/knowledge to an institution that frequently and knowingly abused children. I'd feel like a bad parent having done so.
We are good people and my son will live a wonderful, moral, good life without church.
We decided consiously to break the cycle, and not just go along with baptism because it's expected or family pressure or because it was part of our childhoods or it seems like the right thing to do when we don't believe in this hogwash.
I'll stop now. Good luck with your decision!
#1 12.11.11
#2 10.23.13 EDD
Jen D, I could go on forever, really. A lot of time was put into the decision but in the end, it was an easy decision.
The abuse scandal was the catalyst. Picking up the bible and actually reading it and realizing what a terrible, violent, angry text it is in reality and one I wholeheartedly disagree with was icing on the cake.
When I think about my childhood, and my husband's, both having attended Catholic school, I realized it was the community and quality of people/family that make us nostalgic over our school/church experience. And, sure, some of the manners and respect learned was important too, but that lives in the home too.
So we put a lot of thought over where to raise our kids and attend school. Our kids will go to public school where the community is small but close and parents are involved. This mirrors my experience (minus the tuition, which I make up for big time in real estate taxes).
DH and I were both raised Catholic and have received all our sacraments in the church, including marriage.
I am having a very hard time lately in terms of religion. Or perhaps, should I say, with people and leaders who share my religion.
I also feel that as I get older not only do I fit in less and less to my own religion, I believe in God less and less.
This would create a problem with both of our sets of parents as they're both very active Catholics. Of course I don't mention or discuss it at all.
We've baptized our daughter in the church but I think it was more for a rite of passage and lots of family pressure. We don't attend church and don't take our daughter to church. I really don't know what we're going to do as far as raising her, or any other kids that come along, to be religious.
Why do you think we, me included, are so afraid to discuss it? I mean, we are adults and can make our own decisions, so why is religion (and not following it) so hard to discuss with our parents and other family members?
#1 12.11.11
#2 10.23.13 EDD
<~~~ Recovering Catholic here. Raised Catholic, got my sacraments through Confirmation and attended a Catholic school through 8th grade. The mr and I did not get married in a Catholic church b/c we were already unhappy with the church and stopped attending well before we were dating.
I have not honored Lent for some time, but this year I am going to make a valiant effort to limit my anger. I find myself boiling over and small things as well as big things. I'm not going to allow myself to become a pushover, but I'm going to work really hard at removing anger as my first emotional response.
dh and i have some of the same feelings but a different solution. it may be a bit naieve or head in the sand, but it works for us. we want ds to have the catholic tradition that we grew up with (catholic school through high school and regular church goers).
i take issue with the catholic stance on women's reproductive rights, homosexuality, and how the church in america handles their ministry to education and poverty. however, we made the choice to baptize ds and we attend church regularly. the church we currently attend has never discussed these things from the pulpit and is rather liberal (i love the jesuits). the community embraces all of the parishioners and even has a lgbtq prayer group (i have never attended but i know it exists). i am choosing to insulate our sunday experience from the broader discussion. until i feel that i cannot worship without confronting some of the larger issues i have with the catholic church head on, we will keep on with our status quo. if/when that time does come we will make the decision that is best for our family at that point. it may be a new parish or an entire new religion but we just aren't there yet.
Our families are ultra conservative and they just wouldn't understand. I think part of it is laziness, I suppose. It's just easier to go ahead and do it then it is to try and fight it - -at least with the baptism part. Like, it didn't hurt my kid to be baptized, for instance.
Now when it comes to teaching our daughter, rest assured I will not allow them to teach her some of their beliefs that may align with the church.
I hope that makes sense.
I totally agree that it's easier to not rock the boat. But sometimes Mr.D's family gets so self-righteous about us not regularly attending church and I just want to tell them why and tell them off but I hold my tongue.
#1 12.11.11
#2 10.23.13 EDD
I get the pressure of expectation. I was married in a church because my FIL couldn't fathom any other way. The parents were paying so it was our last, we have to do this as they're our parents, move.
I suppose we're fortunate in a sense that the backlash over not baptizing wasn't terrible. Sure my MIL cried. A lot. I'm sure she worries for my son. But she also understands that in her day it was just expected and we're making our own decision. And my family never asked. Which makes me think my mom has read my rants here, negating the need to address it. (Hi Mom)
I suppose I have a hard time justifying how you can disagree with their teachings and theories so much but still go along with it. And I just can't understand how any bible-based religion can be progressive when, by design, that means they're going against the teachings of the bible. Thou shall not kill. Except for the gays. You need to kill them. And "indecent" woman. And those who are not Catholic. And yet there's no church sponsored murdering spree retreat.
This is why we decided not to continue going along with it. I hope there is a day when our policies and scientific/medical advancements and right to reproductive decisions aren't steeped in religion. Therefore it needs to start with me.
Have you look into Unitarian Universalism?
I feel you. I do. I'm just not there yet.
It's funny Erbur you that you said you are a recovering catholic... I'd like to myself as a "recovered" catholic. :-)
I received the sacraments, except marriage. I was a CCD kid, but in my 18 years I could probably count on my fingers the amount of times we missed Sunday church. We were devout. Ash Wednesday, regular confessions...We even found the nearest Catholic church on vacations and in fact for 10 years straight, we visited the same church in Wildwood during our weekly vacation there. My Grandma is devout and my Mom had the fear instilled in her. My father was raised Lutheran but actually went through RCIA when I was about 10. He eventually went on to be a lector. I went to Vacation Bible School each summer and eventually volunteered there. By high school, I was getting sick of church preventing me from sleeping in, but my Mom used to rip the covers off of me and I would yell that I'm not going until she basically slapped me upside the face. Eventually, I found friends that had their parents force them too, so we started going as a group to Sat night mass before we went out. We probably could have just skipped, but we all had the fear instilled in us too. I'm sure my Mom questioned her beliefs at some point, but raised us catholic because of the fear of her Mom and overall catholic guilt. Dad just wanted to be a part of what we were doing and found the community aspect of it. I think it was kind of a "finding himself" thing too. I also grew up with an amazing parish and amazing priest. When I hit hs and we changed parishes, I think my parents lost a little interest but the guilt continued.
What changed for me personally, was going away to college. I went to school where over 50% of the student population was Jewish. Why was I raised one way and was taught that this was the "right" way? I opened myself up to all sorts of religions and realized that it was "ok" to question. I met my husband who also questioned. His parents were Methodist, then became Jehovahs until DH was 7, then back to Methodists again. We both were brainwashed into believing one thing was right and decided that it's not ok for parents to brainwash their children. Sure, when I was in HS I was just lazy and did not want to go. But bottom line was that I needed to find my own way and I will raise my children the way that I wished I was raised. Like everyone else said, DH and I are good moral people and we will raise our children with values and acceptance of all people and religions. We won't protect them from religion, but we also don't want to teach our children something we do not believe in. One of my best friend's was raised with no religion and I'll never forget giving her the God-Jesus-Mary story once when she was about 15 cause she had no clue. I don't want my children to be clueless, so we will talk about what different religions believe. DH's parents are very religious, but I don't keep my opinions from them. They asked us to go to xmas eve service with them and I kindly said no. I'm sure we'll have to have the conversation with them at some point about future spawn... but just like they are outspoken on their beliefs, I have the right to be too.
I found out as an adult that my parents stopped going to church when I left for college and I know my Dad is athiest/agnostic now. Mom, well she doesn't talk about it but I know that years of catholic guilt have been erasing slowly and she can finally see the light :-) We still lie to Grandma about what mass we went to on holidays (and our stories are matched up before we see her!) because honestly, we have no choice. She's an 88 year old woman and it will kill her. She attended my non-religious wedding and that about killed her :-) Sometimes with family members like that, you just have to do what is best for your relationship even though it's not ideal.
I respect every individual's personal choice to religion and beliefs, but if you are questioning -- it's ok! I highly suggest reading as much as you can about religion, not just Christianity or Catholicism, because it will help you find peace and acceptance with what you are dealing with.