Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: He just wants me to lie there
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Well said Denalz! I felt like I was taking crazy pills reading all the annulment/divorce talk. Ridiculous!
My husband and I too waited to have sex until after we were married. We had the standard couple weeks of awkward honeymoon and new home sex. Certainly glad we didn't divorce about it! We're now five years and 1.5 children into this married thing and we're doing fine.
These things take time. People can kick addictions, start lives over, change careers, dreams, life paths, work through huge issues -- these are all WAY bigger than figuring out sex you can both enjoy. I don't feel this is a deal breaker at this point.
As long as you're both willing to figure out a way you can both enjoy it, I think it's fine. And in terms of addressing the issue, because it is sensitive, I would ease into it. The first time you address it, it should be in the moment so it's relevant. Just a simple "sorry, staying still isn't working for me, can we try x instead?". Then, if things aren't working the next time address it before you start. Even just "Staying still makes me kinda uncomfortable. Hard to enjoy it. Can we try x this time instead?"
And if you've continually tried to fix it just the two of you and you can't then maybe drag him to therapy, but you have a long marriage ahead. Therapy is expensive and if you have a bad experience you don't want to be in a place years from now where you REALLY need therapy about a huge issue but there's a looming feeling of "this didn't work for us last time".
First, my husband and I were virgins when we got married and we have awesome sex. It's all about good communication. We talked about our expectations before we were married, and we still talk to each other to learn what we like/don't like...
That being said, you mentioned you are not a good communicator. That is concerning, not just for your sex life, but for all areas of your relationship. How can you do something so intimate with each other, yet be unable to talk about it? This is an issue that shoud have been taken care of long before a ring was even put on your finger.
Anyway, next time you feel like things are moving toward sex you could say something like "Why don't we try something new. I think it would be fun to do it like(fill in the blank)." If he refuses, find out why. Ultimately you need to get to the bottom of the reason for his behavior. If he gets defensive or refuses to talk about it, don't just give up and never bring it up again. Continue to encourage open communication.