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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Ask a 300 lb. Nestie
That sounds like my dad who is about the biggest psychological mess I know.
I think you need to tell your husband he has to be supportive. His jackassery his putting your mental and physical well being at risk.
Even with supportive family, it's so hard (says a fellow fattie.)
I am a lurker/sometimes poster who is considered obese(5'1, 195 pounds). I always thought I was fat from 13 on, but looking back, I was healthy and looked skinny(120ish pounds). I didn't gain weight until I graduated college at around 24. I am not sure what happened, but I started drinking soda(it was a treat in our house growing up) and eating out a lot(again, we rarely ate out). I also wasn't walking everywhere(in college I walked to all my classes on a large campus).
My heaviest was when I was 9 months pregnant(221) and my OB was never concerned about my weight. Actually, I have seen many doctors over the last 6 years or so, and no one has mentioned my weight.
I feel gross. My husband is 6'3 and 180 pounds(he has Crohn's Disease and can eat ANYTHING and not gain an ounce). . .He loves me for me. We started dating when I was 19.
I tried losing weight for our wedding in 2009. I didn't want to lose weight for me, but I did want to lose weight so people wouldn't say "OMG, look at Faith. She is huge!" Right then and there, I knew I wouldn't be successful in losing weight. It is like any addiction-You need to lose weight for you, an no one else.
I handed down some clothes to a friend. She is so jealous that I was that small to begin with(I am a size 18, and I was giving her size 12/14 stuff). I am more embarrassed that I let myself get this way.
I need to start walking more and eating better. We don't eat nearly as much fast food, and I have dealing with a bad year(so maybe I am an emotional eater??? I haven't really thought about it until now). . .Granted, I need to do it for ME, and no one else. Having DS is helping, as we are trying to include more veggies and fruits in his diet. Granted, I always love fruits and veggies.
Anyway, fattie, I am so sorry you are being teased and taunted. I have not experienced that:( Hugs to you! I didn't mean to hijack your thread.
I'm thinking that some discussion along these lines would be more productive than going on about plus sized clothing and discipline.
The above reminds me of Robert Lustig's illustration of chronic hyperinsulinemia... right around 13:00 in this clip. This might be interesting to people struggling with fat loss and/or feeling hungry a lot as well:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8dWNbEscOw
Leptin is another interesting piece of the hormonal puzzle involved in fat regulation. I didn't know this until recently, but it wasn't discovered until the mid-90's.
Also, one doesn't necessarily need to be overweight to have these hormones out of order; excess fat may exacerbate the problem, but is it *the* root problem? The skinny person who eats loads of crap and never exercises could be as messed up as someone who is visibly overweight.
Ditto this 100%. I was involved in some of the 'choice' discussion in the other thread but reading this has had an impact on me, for sure.
It also heightens the already present fear that I have about raising a daughter. I am fearful that no matter what I do I'm going to *** her up in terms of her relationship to food and exercise.
Alright....it took me a long time to venture in here because I knew it would be personally painful for me, and I was right. I don't have a whole lot to say, but what bunny said "It's a constant cycle of self loathing and food lust and all sorts of complicated feelings wrapped up in self worth."
Many of you know about my journey. I'm not going to post a pic or go through the whole story again. I will only say that at one point I was 325 pounds. I am currently under 200. I'm sure there are many that would still consider me a fatty fatty two by four, but I'm not really concerned about it. I like the way I look. I love the way I feel. I am in the gym 4-6 days/week. I was off the wagon for awhile, but due to the support of friends, I am back on and I love it. I am currently struggling with food choices, but I know that the working out will fix that somewhat. If I'm not eating right, I just don't have the energy for the weights and cardio. That's how it's been for me, though. Get moving, and then I get the eating under control.
I think I know why that is, though. I have traded one addiction for another. So, that may answer someone's question about how one gets to the point of north of 300 pounds. I get hooked on the workouts. I know that some people think that's not a bad thing, however one's body does need rest. At one point, I had worked out 16 days in a row. My trainer had to push me out of the gym one day.
Anyway -- I didn't mean to make this very long, but it has certainly got that way. My point in all this is that when you're really that obese, it's really not about just putting down the cheeseburger. It's about so much more than that, so many deep seated things that people don't talk about. It's why, on it's own, weight loss surgery doesn't help. I still have food issues. There are days that I drown myself in food. Good food and "bad" food. I don't like to call any food "bad", but I use the term now because I know that others will understand what I mean.
OP, it took so much courage for you to open up like that. If we are FB friends or not, if you need support, please message me. I understand the difficulties. I understand not fitting in the roller coaster. I understand the verbal beatings people like us have endured. Sending you big hugs and love.
Oh! and as for support...my H has NEVER discussed my weight, what I eat, or how much I work out (except for when it got to the point where it was too much and I was damaging myself). He married me when I was 60 pounds heavier and I was heavier when we met and started dating. I have *major* insecurities about still be attractive to him. People think he got in "on the ground floor" because in other people's eyes, of course he would love me to be smaller...but the fact is, my husband liked the way I looked when he met and married me. Of course, he loves me now and his love isn't based on how I look, but just like a wife would be concerned about being attractive to her H if she gained too much, I have the same concern about losing too much.
Oh, one more thing...a doctor NEVER discussed my weight with me unless I brought it up. Ever. That is a problem.
You know how we do
Also, I have some questions for anyone who cares to respond. Have you seen a doctor and/or a dietitian to help manage it. Have you seen someone to help with the mental health component?
Do you feel like you have the knowledge about how to lose weight in terms of nutrition /exercise but it is the implementation that is difficult?
Finally, have any of you been tested for/diagnosed with a medical issue such as hypothyroidism that might be causing or contributing to weight problems?
Thank you for sharing. Eta for clarity.
Do you feel like you have the knowledge about how to lose weight in terms of nutrition /exercise but it is the implementation that is difficult? I was on Nutrisystem back in 2006. I lost weight. I forget what prompted me to eat my normal portions/eat out more/add in whatever, but I did go back to my regular eating habits after 3 or 4 months. Same thing with Jenny Craig(I just couldn't afford the food anymore). Anyway, I know if I ate less and moved more, I could lose weight. Right now, I fight with myself and find excuses as to why I can't eat better/work out. I can always start tomorrow. . . .and then I say it again the next day. It is a mental block.
Finally, have any of you been tested for/diagnosed with a medical issue such as hypothyroidism that might be causing or contributing to weight problems? My thyroid was tested throughout my pregnancy-no issue what-so-ever.
For me:
I have seen a doctor about my issues. I have seen a nutritionist. I didn't go to the nutritionist until after I'd lost a significant amount of weight, but that was because I'd changed my whole schedule up. I was so regimented that I couldn't deal with any sort of change and make the eating work.
For me, I have always known, for the most part, what to do and how to do it. It was apathy, depression and a whole host of mental things that got in my way. I'd like to say lazy, but I feel like that's not the right term. I was never, and am not now, lazy. I don't think fat people are, either.
I am a regular at a doctor to meet the mental health portion of it. Also, my trainer did amazing things for me, and I don't even think he tried or even realizes the impact of what he did. I've told him, but I don't think he can appreciate the totality of it. When I had to stop to personal training due to budget, I thought I was going to die...and backslide and get fat again. I didn't think I could do it on my own. However, he encouraged me, gave me some resources and he still helps me via text A LOT. He's amazing. I know not everyone can afford one, but if you can squeeze out some money in your budget for it, it is worth a million dollars. The ladies on MM would have a stroke if they knew where the money came from to pay for my PT.
You know how we do
I think epphd asked something a bit ago, but I missed it to quote.
1600 calories rationally does NOT sound sustainable for every day.I want to hope I can do it, but I'm not certain. I am hopeful for now.
I also am NOT down with people talking to me about my weight. I can bring it up, but I would not be okay with them doing it. I have too much family history and crap tied up in that subject. My mom is permitted to discuss it with me only if I choose to share. Otherwise, the conversation is over.
To some of the others, I have been to a nutritionist, but I didn't find it super useful. I am not unclear about what food is good, I just have trouble being satisfied mentally or physically with what is a healthy amount of food every day.
I'm now 78kg (sorry can't be bothered with the coversion today), which is 3 kg off the healthy weight range for my height and as I said in another post had a very obese man yell run fatty run at me last night on my jog. I have had comments asking if I'm pregnant at higher weights and always just answer "no i'm fat". I find people will comment on the most inappropriate things and like to judge.
To me this is all the same as comments that get made about poor people, people who smoke, people who drink, people who aren't formally educated etc. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, no one is perfect yet as humans we all like to think we're better than someone
For me a dietian has been the cause of some of my issues. Keep in mind that I am a type 1 diabetic, but I only recently got told I shouldn't have to eat, it should be becuase I am hungry (again not relevant for most, but some dieticians will say you have to eat at this time, snack etc.). There are weeks where I will eat 500 extra calories in a day from low blood sugar (due to hormones, travel, weather), weight loss on those weeks is impossible.The problem is that it can be an all or nothing approach. The goal in Aust is 1 hr of exercise a day. To me thats bull and not realistic starting out, anything is better than nothing. For me exercise curbs my appetite, this is deffinately not the same for most. Its about finding what works for you and what doesn't, and that can be frustrating because you want to see instant results (even just 1 kg) for your efforts. Guidlines don't help.
Oh, and I think the reason doctors don't bring up weight is because a large nukmber themselves are overweight or obese and because its too much work (as in my case I weekly have to email my blood sugar results, have an adjustment, see how it works, email them back).
I had weight loss surgery - the gastric sleeve - and I go to a support group once a month and I see a dietitian and a personal trainer once a month. Like GPointe said, WLS doesn't work on it's own. I still have major food issues and I could see myself easily gaining weight back. It's hard to overeat, but not impossible, and if I eat high calorie food with no nutritional value, I can eat just a little and still gain. I will have to be vigilant for the rest of my life.
I've always known how to lose weight. Diet and exercise. Not a hard concept, but incredibly difficult to someone with a food addiction and health issues that cause weight gain...
Which brings me to your last question. I have hypothyroidism (Hashimoto's) and PCOS, both of which cause weight gain. At one point before I was diagnosed, I was working out 7 days a week, for 45 minutes a day, and eating a strict Weight Watchers program. I never ate my activity points and I always ate within strict guidelines. I never lost more than a pound a month, and sometimes didn't lose at all. And if I strayed even an iota from my regimen, I gained sometimes 3-4 pounds. So I quit. And gained 80 pounds in less than a year.
I went to see a dietician when I was diagnosed with GD. She was the first person in a long time who tried to make me feel like a douche and a shitty parent for my eating habits. I actually cried because I was so.muthafucking.angry.
She was just a nasty, condescending piece of fuuking work who ran the gamut from telling me incorrect information to being a snobbish little twat. I hated her face and I'd like her to die in a fire.
I can't imagine how she makes other people feel who aren't full of themselves heifers the way I am.
Click me, click me!
1) I have talked to a nutritionist, but it would be helpful to do more work in that regard. I once considered going to a mental health specialist who specialized in eating disorders but 1) I was young and poor and 2) I've actually gotten better on my own through a combination of things and 3) there's that social stigma that fat people can't have "eating disorders" that I was afraid of.
2) Yes. I also worked with a personal trainer before my wedding and that's how I lost 35 pounds. I plateaued eventually due to diet, though. It's TIRING to have to watch what you eat all. the. time, and like I said, my metabolism/genetics suck and I need to watch what I eat every day. And I love food. Love it. I'm actually doing a boot camp now, which I also really love, and which is almost as good as personal training, but cheaper!
3) No, but I'm scared shiitless that I'm pre-diabetic. That's one reason I'm working hard right now to get in shape and I've lost another 20 pounds since December (which I actually put back on AFTER my wedding). I avoid the doctor, not because I hate doctors, but because I hate taking time off from work, lol. I'm pretty sure my thyroid is fine, based on the fact that genetics seem to be enough to make me fat.
40/112
"Well, eeeeveryone knows you're supposed to eat dinner with your kid so why don't you?"
That's when I nearly reached across the table and choked a biitch out. She didn't even give me time to tell her that I sit at the table with the kids and talk to them while they eat but that I ate most of my dinner while I was cooking and will keep picking at that same meal throughout the night.
Click me, click me!
(((hugs))) to everyone here. This thread made me cry. Too many stories that sound like my own. So many of us have struggled with weight, body image, self worth and disordered eating issues since we were kids. But, unlike other people's childhood issues that they are (or are not) working through, these issues are just something we have to get over because we are fat and that's wrong.
Right now, I am the fattest I have ever been. This past month I have been in a deep dark FML depression that I shared with no one (until now) -- because I learned a long time ago that fat people should be cheery and funny all the time I am conditioned to just grin and bear it -- and all I do is eat and lay down. Sometimes I eat while laying down.
Sigh.
I loved my dietician. She was awesome and seriously helped me out. Obviously there is a range of people it's finding that match for your needs and personality.
This is my life. Most people know me as cheerful and sunny all the time. It's exhausting to put on this front when I am - as I said before - ugly and black inside. Every day is a struggle to get out of bed for me. I am often half an hour late to work because I can't bear the thought of getting out of bed and facing the day.
And like butternut, I also learned a long time ago that fat people should be cheery and funny all the time because if we don't have that, what do we have? why would anyone want to like us because of our clear moral failings that are apparent to anyone with a set of eyes?
Trains Across America
Would you like to buy my condo in Salem?
Thanks, guys. This is me too. Lately for reasons most of you know about I feel totally overwhelmed and like I barely have the energy to roll over in bed. I feel like a failure not only because I don't want to show up, but when I show up anywhere I don't want to "perform" and be the funny one.
I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. Have you talked to anyone about how you're feeling? I would encourage you to make an appointment with a doctor - your pcp, a counselor, or even your ob/gyn.
Depression can be absolutely debilitating but you don't have to feel this way. No one deserves to suffer like this. Things can get better but you should really reach out for some help.
Yep, cheery and sunny here too. Although through therapy and Zoloft I actually AM cheery a lot of the time. So please, seek help. There is nothing wrong with it, and any therapist worth their salt will not shame you or look down on you for disordered eating or weight.
Trains Across America
Would you like to buy my condo in Salem?