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Let's Flame each other...
I woke up at 330 this am and could not fall back asleep so I'm feeling crabby and want others to share in that with me. It's been awhile since I've had a good slap in the face anyways...
I emailed the ex yesterday and told him about my pg. He told me I'll be a good mom and we conversed back and forth a few times and I'm actually feeling ok about it and not wanting to reach out to him again today.
I've been spending too much time researching baby stuff and slightly neglecting my work obligations.
I'm looking into nannies and they are so effing expensive I think I might pursue CS once the baby is here after all. (This is flame-worthy bc I wasn't going to pursue it before.)
Aaaannnd go:
ETA: It had been 4 1/2 weeks since the ex and I spoke and that's the longest we've ever gone without any type of contact.
People are placed in and taken out of our lives for a multitude of reasons. My faith has me looking upward so I might stay on my path, forward to reach my future and to either side for the ones to walk near me on my journey.
Re: Let's Flame each other...
I don't know the whole backstory on your ex, but don't reach out to him just because of the situation at hand. What do you want him to do about it?
The only thing I find a little flameworthy is that you wouldn't pursue CS. It's for your child. Trust me, these little buggers are crazy expensive! Even if you don't "need" the money, get it and start a college fund. You will need it when the time comes.
I could be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure the baby's father is someone from a business conference, and he's not yet aware of the presence of a fetus.
I'm assuming the X to whom she's referring is the married one.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
That must have been quite a heavy discussion between the two of you. Life is changing for the both of you. I can't imagine what must be going through both of your minds.
But now that he knows, he is entitled to his 50% of input and opinion.
Bingo GOZ! I told the baby's father a week ago yesterday, though. He is aware of the human I am growing.
I think you're going to get flamed for the CS issue.
If this was an actual XH/XBF, I'd say go for it! But seeing as this was just a one night hookup and you weren't expecting the guy to be in this kids life at all and you'd gladly raise it on your own but now you want CS because nannies are expensive (yes, they are!)? I have an issue with that. I'm all for dad's (active or not) paying CS, but I think there are some situations where it's not warranted and this is one of those circumstances. If he offers, fine. But if he doesn't...I don't really agree with forcing him to pay in this particular case. Flame me for thinking this way.
I also want to know...did you use any form of BC at all? If I had a ONS with someone...I'd 150% make sure to use backup BC even though I'm on BCP to prevent this kind of thing from happening. You're a grown up (as much as he is) and the decision for BC is up to you. If the guy i was about to sleep with said "no, I don't want to use anything", I'd pack up my sh*t and leave...unless I wanted a baby.
I'm glad you're happy with you decision to have the baby, honestly. It sounds like you're family is supportive and you're in a place to do it. I just don't neccasarily agree with the decision to ask for CS simply because babysitting is expensive. Yes, kids are expensive. It's not just buying diapers and a crib. This is nothing new and pretty obvious to me.
Ahh.. that was confusing.. now my response in my post wont make sense.lol! But what I don't understand is why talk to your xh who is married about your current problems? Seems like the wrong person to go to.
For the sake of your LO, kick the married dude out of your life for good. There's no point in talking to him again. Ever.
I'm glad you told him. How'd he react?
Also. I say this with all the love in my heart. But every time you post, this song get stuck in my head.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
I didn't email the baby's father but when I told the baby's father, his first thought was that I terminate. Eff that! Couldn't live with the regret, so I TOTALLY disagree that he has 50% input. My body. My conscience. I don't expect him to be present or supportive and that's his decision and I will not try to convince him otherwise. If he decides to be a part of the baby's life, I will be 100% supportive, but will not try to convince him otherwise.
Ok. I can't help it. I have to ask.
Do your ex and the father of your child work together? What kind of conferences do you attend????? Exactly what industry is this?
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
I'm going to disagree with you. Regardless of how the baby got here, the father is still just as much responsible as the mother. If he didn't want a baby, then he should have insisted on a condom. If one was used and it failed, why is it more the mother's fault than his?
Children are entitled to CS regardless of the circumstances surrounding conception. It is for the child, not for the mother. Even if the mother was reckless, the child shouldn't be punished for that.
I doubt I really will pursue CS even though it's required in my state whether there is involvement by the other parent or not. I can do it without, but it would be easier with. And he makes very good money. Very.
I had to look up the song you mentioned. I like it.
Noooo way! They don't know each other. I moved 5 1/2 hours from home to get away from the ex and the baby's father lives in my new town. I win at picking guys. We're all in the same industry, though. The conference was in my new town a little over a month ago and the trip where the baby was conceived was for a specific meeting and not a conference. I'm in the energy industry.
I do agree with this...and for the most part, I think mom's use the CS money for the child (I know all the moms on here are mature/supprotive/use the CS money the way it should be used. I guess those that are lucky enough to get CS, as I know some do have DB X's that won't/don't pay). Yes, there are always those women who ruin it for everyone and use their CS money for things that aren't for the child.
However; I don't agree with pursuing it simply because "Nannies are expensive" or the guy makes alot of money, so she can get it out of him. There are other options besides nannies and would it make a difference if the guy didn't have alot of $? It seems like in this case, from this poster, it would.
If the guy didn't insist on a condom? I'd walk out so fast. If the condom broke? That's perhaps a different conversation. I don't think that was the case in this circumstance.
I do feel bad for the child here, but it seems like the mother is happy and will love this child. I don't agree that she should terminate just because he wants her to.
Again, this is just my opinion. And I respect your opinion as well. No, I'm not a mom and I respect the great mothers that are on this board, so I would expect many of you to have a different opinion than mine and that's OK.
So if you moved 5 1/2 hours to get away from your ex and he's still married, why on earth are you in contact with him at all? You shouldn't be. Stop contacting him.
I think you have some issues and counselling would do you a world of good. Please seek out professional help.
I raised my eyebrows superhigh at this.
Whoa whoa whoa! I'm not pursuing bc he has $, but you can definietly flame me bc I wouldn't date or sleep with someone who made less than me. That please flame me for, but going after him bc nannies are expensive, don't flame. I'll pay for a nanny regardless of whether I have his help or not bc that's the level of care I want for my child, not bc I can get CS from him and would automatically go with an expensive route bc of it. I'm shallow and vain, but I am self sufficient and support my own shallowness and vanity.
The tangled web I weave, turtle. I know. I've been in counseling for over 2 1/2 years and continue going. He was a huge part of my life, other than the affair, and he was my best friend. It's just difficult to let that go bc he was always my biggest supporter even before we started seeing each other and he continued to be until I quit talking to him. I had a weak moment and reached out to him, but I've already emotionally closed the gate again.
I think you should pursue CS. I also think once you give birth your attitude will change on the CS issue and this thinking that you dont care if your baby's biodad is involved in their life or not.
OK...thanks for the clarificaion. I'm not flaming for asking for child support per-se. My biggest issues were that A. you were all "Oh, I'm going to totally do this on my own and not ask/expect any support whatsoever. and then changed to "well, maybe I might once I actually considered the cost of raising a child. I want a private nanny.This should have been something you thought about right away. Having a kid is expensive. Having it on you own is expensive. B. the comment about the money which basically said "He can pay for it because he makes alot of money." thing rubbed me the wrong way. like a gold-digging kind of way, which I have an issue with.
I just wouldn't be happy with a dude having to pay CS just because you want a nanny. Flame me up and down for thiis, mom's. If you have the money for it, by all means. But to seek CS soley because of this?
So, thank you for admitting your own shallowness and vanity, but I just want to make sure if you do pursue CS, it's for the right reasons and not due to your shallowness and vanity.
Regarding the father's involvement, all she can do is give him the option to be involved if he wants to. She can't force him to be involved.
I agree on CS. Definitely pursue it. It's not punishing the father. It's his responsibilty to help support the child financially.
This. And why are you talking to your ex???
I have been wondering the same thing. Have you been checked for STD's yet?
I would never calculate termination of pregnancy in the 50/50% discussion as that is a completely different ballgame. I feel like you jumped to conclusion assuming I would flame you for not wanting to abort your baby. If the guy does not want to be involved, then he gave up his 50% input period. He has no right to make decision for you.
Usually when the guy wants to be involved in the child's life, we can't legally dismiss their involvement if they can prove he is the father and they fight for their right and time to be with the child. That is what I was going with, not touching the termination subject. When I posted, I had no idea of the response of the baby's father since you didn't really include that in the post. You are going to get confusing responses because your post is confusing. What does your married eh has anything to do with this?
I think a diagram would be more appropriate than a list
This! Every action we take has a consequence one way or another.