Politics & Current Events
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Good mothers keep their house clean
I HATE having a dirty house. HATE it. It actually stresses me out pretty badly.
Luckily, we have a housekeeper 2x per month to help - and I'm keeping her when I'm home with the baby. She's really cheap - $60 for 3 beds/3baths; so I'm not giving her up
LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
I have noticed a great difference when I reduced the number of toys he has available to him. Not just in quantity, but he doesn't bring things all over the place anymore for some reason. They stay pretty contained.
and this is why i have a cleaning service. i'd give up cable and eating out before i gave up the cleaning service.
then i can focus all of my parenting back pats on how i bring home the bacon.
I find the hardest part about breastfeeding/taking care of a cuddly newborn is how little cleaning I can accomplish. In my head I know she's only little once and that it's okay/wonderful that I can snuggle with her on the couch all day. But I get all twitchy and annoyed when I'm stuck on said couch thinking about how much I have to get done. Then I get annoyed at DH for not doing these things without me asking. It's a vicious cycle.
This article describes me.
I feel like I am always behind, and it stresses me out. I see people talk/post about things like cleaning baseboards/windows/washing floors weekly and I don't understand how that happens. I feel like all I do is clean and we are only doing the visible stuff. Baseboards? Not cleaned since we moved in almost 3 years ago. Sure, I hit them with a broom or vaccuum when I'm cleaning up the piles of dog hair/crumbs/dirt, but that's it.
Wish we could swing a cleaning lady!
I was cleaning one day and Ben asked if someone was coming to visit. That's how often our house is totally clean.
Anything you can achieve through hard work, you could also just buy.
I don't have kids and I still struggle with feeling like my house should be spotless all the time. I slowly getting over my neurosis and learning to just let go.
A good mother has happy children not a clean house.
my read shelf:
Enjoy the baby snuggles. I was too focused on keeping control of my house in those early months and i missed out on precious time with him. I regret it. It goes so fast and you don't realize it until it is over.
Add me to the list of feeling guilty but not having children. I deep cleaned my bathroom on Saturday and this morning I was still so happy with its condition. It makes me feel giddy to see how clean it is, no joke. I guess I need a hobby.
Anyway, I think my sense of guilt comes from the fact that my parents are huge neat freaks. So anything less than perfect is just... not clean to me. Thanks, mom.
My husband helps. I wouldn't be married to him if he didn't, since we both work full time, so we both have to spend time cleaning the house, too. I'm not working 40 hours a week just to spend hours cleaning while he relaxes. He's pretty good about knowing what to do. He does all the dishes. If he does something, he'll sometimes ask how I want it done. Sometimes I just have to point out what has to be done, though, because he won't do things like dust on his own. I usually leave the garbage, dishes, and most of the laundry to him. We take turns with the cat litter. I do dusting, floors, organizing, kitchen cleaning, and other types of scrubbing and polishing. I don't think this is a man v. woman thing. I think it's from growing up in a house that's decidedly less clean and more cluttered than my parents' house. I'm currently trying to teach H to not stack things on the floor in the corner of the den.
40/112
Yeah, I've always known women who had "cleaning stress," even before kids were in the picture. You know the ones who can't have too many bloodies at brunch because they have to clean that afternoon? I wasn't one of them. This is why my husband refused to get rid of the cleaning lady when I decided to stay home.
You know, I think I read a study ages ago about this, that men don't see a "dirty house" the same as women do. Except I think it was the flip - that piles of crap drive them insane but don't notice things like dust, dirty floors, coffee stains on the counter, etc. - whereas women have a sense that "That pile of crap is ORGANIZED, dammit!" and are more prone to notice the minutiae.
food blog | garden blog | curly dogs blog
I'm with ya, sister. I go on a cleaning tear before the maintenance guys come over, for heaven's sake. No kids until we can afford a cleaning service TYVM.
I have little guilt over the state of my home on aday to day basis. But I dont and never have lived like a slob, either. If people really think their success at motherhood depends on cleaning their house, they are either hoarding slobs who are raising their kids in 1k lady like filth and debris, and/or have their priorities in the right place.
Semi-related: I bought MPT a kid sized broom for his birthday and was willing and prepared to buy a pink one---but they were mostly all blue or green. The only pink one was $10 more than the rest! Why do toy broom makers hate little girls?
Anything you can achieve through hard work, you could also just buy.
Yup, happy and healthy. If the house is such a wreck that trash is flowing into other rooms or the dishes are growing new, interesting life forms, there is a problem. Basically safe and sanitary = just fine.
i think it's been well established that i'm a sh!tty mother so i just own this one. i have so much crap around my house that i've gotten to the point that i skim over all of it. and DH is seriously a f*cking pig. his office is nasty nasty nasty, in the "it took me almost an hour to pick the garbage off the ground" kind of nasty.
we now have a cleaning service.
Maybe it is a good mother has happy children, not necessarily a clean house. If getting the house to ideal cleanliness is creating a sense of guilt and/or overtaxing the parent, then maybe priorities should be reconsidered.
We're the same person, yes?
I don't feel guilty one bit. Life goes on. I just don't invite people over until after the place is clean. Right now, I'm only really home a couple days during the week. It's impossible to try and clean on Saturday's because Naomi is all over the place.Once school is out, my house will return to some state of normalcy. The end.
Would you be willing to fly her down to my city a couple times a month? LOL
I'm messy; H is messier. I don't feel that guilty so long as I keep the chaos at a controllable level.
What really irks me is what H did yesterday. I made a nice brunch, and he cleared the plates from the table. He took the (2) plates, rinsed them, and put them in the dishwasher, AND WALKED AWAY. Right next to the sink were 4 more dishes that needed to be merely rinsed and put in the dishwasher (my prep bowls mostly), nevermind all the other pots/pans I'd used in making eggs benedict.
Am I supposed to be thrilled that he "helped" or pissed that he ignored the rest? I went with pissed. The blinders get really really old.
Then there's the bathroom which he gladly takes as his task. I'm no one's mom, so I don't check his work. UNTIL I noticed that, while there's no visible ring in the toilet at the water level; he hadn't been cleaning under the edge and there was mildew and who knows what else. Am I supposed to mom him now? Teach a 30 year old man how to actually clean to the level that was expected of me when I was 10?
This is one area DH and I's competing hang ups benefit us. I dislike clutter but don't care about 'cleaning', he hates dust/dirt but doesn't care about crap everywhere. So, I tidy, he cleans, the house stays in pretty good shape.
Of course, the other secret is that "pretty good shape" by both of our standards may be fairly low compared to some people's thoughts on the matter. Either way, though, we don't stress about it
.
See, I think it was harder keeping the house clean when I was a sham because we were one to continually make it dirty lol. Now we are only home a few hours so we don't have as much time to mess it up,
H and I. Oth let clutter build up a bit and then go on cleaning sprees. But we both hate dirt. Living in fl will do that ....dirt = roaches.
Not a mom either, but it's importnat to me (and my husband) that the house be neat and clean. It doesn't need to be spotless, but clean. I agree that it reduces stress when the house is neat.
I admit that it was easier when I was on a part time work schedule, but now that I am returning to full time, I am stressed out that the house will not be the same. I have set up a revised schedule of weekly chores and I will try to do the same things I did when I was part-time. Thankfully, I know that my husband will help out if I can't stick to it. To answer BQB's question, I don't know if my husband "stressed" about it, but I know that when he lived alone he was one of those rare bachelors that had to keep a clean home.