Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: what are your "dealbreakers" or "must haves"?
I've really enjoyed reading everyone's lists. I think this stuff is good to think about even though I'm no where near looking for a long term relationship.
So far, this is what I've got:
Must Haves:
- Treats others with respect (service people, his family, his friends, me)
- Motivated and goal oriented. Even if he has a crap job, I want this guy to be passionate about something and actively working toward goals.
- Has a healthy social life and knows how to balance work and play.
- Non judgmental and open to learning new things (in an intellectual kind of way, not a 3-way kind of way).
- Loves to travel and eat all kinds of delicious food.
- Is a generally happy, positive person who is secure in who he is.
- And yeah, obviously I have to be attracted to him. I'd like someone reasonably tall (I'm 5'8") who likes being healthy and active, but isn't like unhealthily obsessed with fitness (see balancing work and play and non-judgement).
Deal Breakers:
- Rude
- Being hyper critical/ black and white world view.
- Doesn't know how to show people he values them and/or doesn't respect other people's time.
- Neat freak (I mean, I'm not a slob, but I don't mind a little clutter.)
- Major Insecurity about self and life
- Sexist world view or refusing to acknowledge that sexism and patriarchy is still an issue.
- Belittling talk or emotional or physical abuse.
- Bad health and bad hygiene
That's all I can think of for now. I have no idea how one would find all these things out on a date, but I think they're all important qualities. Ugh...serious dating.
I'm not sure this is all encompassing but many of mine were already listed....
Must Haves:
-Understand that my kids are part of me, and will come first
-Be respectful of all people (and animals)
-Be honest
-Taller than me (I'm 5'2'', this is not hard to accomplish)
-Have his own career, car, and place to live (renting is fine)
-Be able to deal with the fact that I will be communicating with my ex-husband regarding the kids for the rest of my life
-Be understanding that I want to go to church at least 3 Sunday's a month
-Not be severely allergic to animals (have a cat and dog)
-Live within 40 minutes drive
-somewhat active lifestyle - I'm no fitness model, but someone that can handle going on a hike and being active all day
-Some similar interests... and ideally some that I don't currently have but am interested in
-Enjoy going out sometimes, but also really enjoy low key night staying in
-Have some relationship experience. By your 30s if you haven't been in a relationship I don't want to be your guinea pig and have to hand hold you through the process
Deal breakers:
-Any lying, cheating, etc. I'm done. No questions asked I won't go through it again
-smoking/drugs/drinking issues/no criminal record
-No ambition or direction in life
-If there is zero chemistry
DD2 11.17.08