how long after did you start dating

RedRedWine2 · April 2012

jmbernadette:

"How old are you? "

28 yrs old. I will say I feel like I'm 48 - not only is the stress aging me, I feel like I'm too young to have "divorcee" on my bucket list - which is why you ladies help

this alone makes me say you aren't ready to date.

Become comfortable with the fact you're divorced. It's not a bad thing and it sounds like you're wasn't that dramatic or crazy. But it's part of who you are...it doesn't have to "age" you.

FWIW-I was also 28 when I got divorced (30 now). I wanted to date alot sooner than I "should" have and went on a few dates shortly after my divorce (about a month or two), but I totally wasn't ready and I am SOOOO glad I waited. I'm currently dating, but no one serious. I know I'm in a good place in case I do get into a serious relationship and that's a great feeling to myself and a future SO.

I spent a good year + on just me and learning what really happened in my marriage and learning more about me (which I didn't think was possible but it's true). I'm amazed at how much stronger I am vs. in my marriage. I stick up for myself more and communicate more effectively. If it took me a divorce to make me who I am now? That's just fine. But it's taken time to get there...and I suggest you take the time to do the same.

Wedding18 · April 2012

I didn't read everyone's answer but I don't think there is a "magic" time to be ready to start dating. I think when you are ready, you will know. What one person does or doesn't do may not be what is right for you.

That being said, I have been divorced for 3 yrs next week and I have only been on 3 dates. I have not been in a relationship since my divorce and I am pretty happy with where I am in my life. I am currently talking to someone but I am not sure where that is going to go. I have yet to meet him but I do find him interesting. We shall see. I am not opposed to dating, just haven't really felt a strong need to be in a relationship or date someone seriously. I also have so little time to just myself, to spend that with someone who I may or may not have chemistry with, seems like a waste of time to me.

PrettyInPearls23 · April 2012

It really varies from person to person (as you can see), but I also think you need to consider the kind of person you are. For me, I'm laid back and I'm able to let things go easily. I'm not saying I magically got over my divorce overnight, but within 5 months of XH moving out and our divorce being underway, I was ready to move on. I wasn't looking for it, but it happened for me.

I went on my first date with my now-FI at 7 months post-separation. We had known each other back when we were teenagers, and were only meeting to catch up and talk about our divorces (he was 2 months away from having his being finalized). We didn't know anyone else IRL who had been through a divorce at our age (28), so it was nice having someone to relate to. After our first date, it was very clear we had a strong connection and there was obvious chemistry. So, here we are a year later, getting married!

I've never been one to need to be in a relationship. In fact, I enjoyed being single after XH moved out. I'm a pretty independent person and it was nice having the house to myself, dictating my own schedule, being able to do whatever I wanted without having to take into consideration how it affected anyone else (other than DS, of course). That being said, I also knew I wanted to be a wife again. I enjoyed being a wife...just not being one to XH.

The moral of the long story is that only you'll know when it's right for you. I do strongly urge you to take the time needed to reflect on what happened in your marriage to have it result in divorce. For me, even though my XH was having an affair, I knew I wasn't the perfect wife either. I took the time I needed to do self-reflection, soul-searching and read a lot of books. Part of the healing process is admitting where your faults are as well. It's easy to place the blame, but the best lessons can't be learned until we're 100% honest with ourselves.

achase123 · April 2012

Well I was PG when XH and I split and then I was caring for an infant. I think my first date was five months post split.

Alicia_R1 · April 2012

i pretty much left XH for FI, so i started dating really as soon as I told him i wanted a divorce. it took me under a month to be divorced, would have been sooner if i didn't have to go on travel.

worked great for me, i have never been happier in my life.

jmbernadette · April 2012

Alicia_R1:
i pretty much left XH for FI, so i started dating really as soon as I told him i wanted a divorce. it took me under a month to be divorced, would have been sooner if i didn't have to go on travel.

worked great for me, i have never been happier in my life.

That's, um, good for you I guess?

kaneen · April 2012

jmbernadette:

"How old are you? "

28 yrs old. I will say I feel like I'm 48 - not only is the stress aging me, I feel like I'm too young to have "divorcee" on my bucket list - which is why you ladies help

Relax. I was divorced at 26. Don't let it define you and it won't.

Also, the only people who don't understand the value of being single for a while are those who have never really been single.

The kind of single I'm talking about doesn't include

"We were still together but I was emotionally checked out already."

how long after did you start dating

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