Politics & Current Events
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Let's fight
well, say you invite all of your family and friends to a bachelorette party and it is, I don't know, Chippendale or something. You wouldn't get all butthurt because you invited all family EXCEPT for kids and squawk about them getting excluded. You would recognize that its an inappropriate venue for children and be done with it.
I don't see why showers are any different, I really don't. Its an inappropriate venue for kids.
And yes, I'm really disappointed that my friends wouldn't come for a couple of hours because they couldn't bring their kids. I think that sucks.
This sounds like H's family. Although, they don't send him any cards or really call him for his birthdays and holidays.
I'm sort of dreading having kids because of this. I don't want them all in my business, and I don't want to travel to them to let them see their grandchild.
His father will drive the 20+ hours to Georgia from Wisconsin to visit his other family members, but the 5 hour drive to visit us only happened the day-of our wedding. His wife SMIL, has never visited us.
So, they haven't seen our house, called to ask about it, us, or our lives. Then have the nerve to complain that we're not involved in their lives.
Zuma Zoom
In follow up to my petty birthday rant - this isn't a "let's fight" thing but I have to vent somewhere because it is really starting to weigh on me - I dont want everything to be even between our families. I've tried very hard for the past 5 years to be even, but now I'm over it. His brother is a certified assholio (and I would cut him a break since he is 19 but I mean, come on, he's 19, he shouldn't sulk bc he cant do what he wants all the time), his dad is a selfish prick, his mom is nice enough but can't come the 3 hours to visit her oldest son more than once a year on average (I say that because I've known H for 6 years, she's been here 5 times - bridal shower, baby shower, wedding, graduation, and H's 30th bday, but H feels the need to constantly go up there to visit, but my thing is, they can come down here just as easily), and its just old by now. I'm over trying to split the holidays, trying to get up there to visit when we can, and everything else. It's a two way street and especially after his mom guilted him out last year for leaving their small town (no stop lights!!) to such a point that H cried about it when he got home - cried - because he felt so guilty for leaving the family behind - never mind that he left to go to law school when no one in his family had even gone to college before - I'm just really really over it.
so anyway, he says if my mom is in the room for the birth the his mom is in the room.
Um, no. Just....no. And then my mom is staying for a week after H goes back to work to help me so H is all "well my mom gets to stay for a week." Is your mom going to run errands for me? is she going to walk my two large dogs? is she going to help me cook and do laundry and everything else? No. My mom would come solely to HELP. H's mom would come solely to see the grandbaby. It doesn't mean she's wrong, it means the motives are different and which one I'd prefer when is also different.
I'm an awful person, aren't I?
And why can't I find a nice, good pedi who knows a shitton about breastfeeding AND doesn't thin his lips and shake his head sadly at the nurse when she tells him in wide eyed concern that I've elected to follow the recommended CDC schedule?
I like this dude and I'm not giving him up because he's not overbearing and his value in breastfeeding outweighs his resignation over vaxxing but shiit, yo. Just shiit.
Click me, click me!
It's not an assumption if they called the host to ask.
Click me, click me!
Okay for some reason this is making me laugh - the mental image.
DD #1 passed away in January 2011 at 14 days old due to congenital heart disease
DD#2 lost in January 2012 at 23 weeks due to anhydramnios caused by a placental abruption
What the what?! He wants you to do the delayed version?
hugs
my father didn't give me a gift or a card for my birthday but is already talking about his father's day present.
Nope. These people irritate me and I don't even know them.
my BMB is all about the delayed schedule, Dr. Sears and just not vaccinating in general, with the exception of a few posters. It drives me batty and I can't even participate in the threads anymore.
No, you're not.
They lost me at guilting him for leaving his small town.
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND parents who guilt their children for moving away. In fact, it angers me. groomy came from a run-down farming/rust belt town. His parents love him and would like to see him more, but they have specifically said that they do not want us to move there. There are few opportunities for us there. My situation is different, as there are opportunities in my hometown. But my mother has never guilted me about living far away.
Parents are supposed to want their children to be happy and successful, and that doesn't always involve staying in your hometown your whole life. Parents who try to chain their kids to a certain location out of guilt piss me off.
TEAM BECKY.
It would be uncommon in my family for kids to be excluded from showers. Ours are usually held in someone's home; mine was in a carriage house (basically a large empty room) in a local park. Not fancy restaurants or anything.
My cousins (ages 5, 7 and 8) were actually really helpful in passing presents to me and taking away the wrapping paper.
dead @ leash law... I think shock collars. Act bad, SHOCK! Run away, SHOCK!
re: showers. Or really any event. I don't understand why people are ballsy enough to ask if they can bring their kids if the kids aren't invited. It's just uncomfortable. If my kids aren't on the invite, I don't bring them or I don't go (if I can't find a sitter/don't want to go/have a conflict/whatever). I guess, because when I have a party, that's how I feel. If I want kids there, I invite them and if I don't, I understand if a parent can't make it. ::shrug::
Is it wrong to think that this is the first step to natural selection and the earth wiping out the overpopulation?
I'm not quoting everything, but the answer to this question is NO. You are totally justified and within your right to put your foot down on all of this. You're starting you own family now and that needs to be the priority. I'm all for meeting ILs (and parents) in the middle, but the birth of this child is not about MIL and the sooner your H gets that, the better.
(hugs)
yep, the little munchkins are every where..but that is us
Alright thanks ladies. I was starting to feel like my feelings were super irrational. It's also hard bc his mom IS very nice she just has some issues that she projects onto everyone else. But in person she's nice and we get along fine. We just have a very different relationship with her than with my mom and I think once the baby is here that will become very apparent and H refuses to admit it. Blah. I think we need to have a talk soon.
Talk it out kiddo, and you are not irrational *hugs*
I think the key here is to remember that people can and do love your kids but sometimes they just want to spend time with YOU and have your full attention. Like a child, actually.
He would prefer it though he did not speak to me about it.
When I took him for his two month, the nurse asked me if we were doing shots today. I said, that is what you do to two month old babies, yes? Then she sat down and in her calm, reassuring nursey voice actually said the words, "You know, they don't actually have to have their shots until they are five so if you aren't putting him in day care, I would encourage you to wait."
I didn't bother asking her why or engaging her. I just said, thanks but I'll just be following the traditional, recommended schedule. She accepted that, no side eyes, no judgement that I could see and left the room. The doctor came in a while later, saw the baby, gave pudding his standard cuddles and apology for having cold hands and left the room. He passed the nurse in the hall and I heard the nurse tell him pudding was getting his shots.
I heard him say, Oh really? Then I heard her say, yes, all of them, in a sad little voice. He responded with the little cluck of doctorly disapproval and an awwww.
And that was all.
Click me, click me!
::sits next to mrsbecky07::
I'll be taking notes on what you do when baby arrives so I can be prepared for my jerkface in-laws when we decide to procreate.
Your H's family sound eerily like mine. I feel horrible too in certain cases because they're just so oblivious to how little they act like family to my H. It bugs the crap out of me that H is on his own, owns his own house, is successful, married, and an all around good guy. They seem to give twoshits about him. It's frustrating as hell.
I'm still salty about my BIL showing up to our wedding in JEANS. ugh. (I'm and awful person.)
Zuma Zoom
All of this, plus I think you get to have whoever the hell you want in the birth room and should not feel pressured to include anyone else. I'm not sure I'd want anyone there seeing me like that - and I can see why any woman would be more comfortable with her mom instead of her MIL. This is not about being "fair" or "even." This is about you being as comfortable as possible when giving birth. Tell your DH his mom can be in the room when he pops a child out of his anus.
Your H needs to realize this is your call. Don't let him guilt you into anything. It seems like that is how things work in his family, but it is not OK. Not when his parents do it to him and not when he does it to you.
I call to ask because it seems like you can't rely on the address on the label anymore or the venue.
Or maybe that is just my family.
I also just ate two doughnuts, and drank a "caramel steamer" and "cookies and cream" milk all from Wawa so I think the sugar may be making me a bit angrier here. LOL.
HAB's stories about her pedi though for some reason are making me laugh just bc I would love to see her facial expressions.
My boss told me yesterday I was waddling. That's just a random.
Oh! I forgot to mention that the nurse suggested I delay because pudding will not be going to day care. That doesn't really make it better in my mind because delaying is stupid but I guess the point is they aren't opposed to the traditional schedule. They just prefer the delayed one.
I'm thinking I need a new doctor the minute pudding turns one and isn't breastfeeding anymore.
Click me, click me!
I have one! She's awesome sauce. Move here!
"I love your mom, but I'm not comfortable being seen in that state by anyone other than the medical staff, the person who made the baby with me, and the person who birthed me."
Lather, rinse, repeat.