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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Re: Let's fight
Exactly this. It's rude to put no kids and the address isn't always a clue. Plus, I've shown up to more than one event only to be asked where my kids were.
"awww, you should have brought them, I wouldn't have minded."
Too bad I didn't know this before I paid someone to watch them for three hours.
But I grant that there is a difference between asking, hey, is this an adults only event and but can I pretty please bring my babies? I won't come if you say no.
Click me, click me!
I'd LOVE to have an excuse to not bring DD with me to a daytime event! I think her at a shower is the definition of anarchy.
I can see a ton of situations where its just not practical to not bring your kid with you, however. Babysitters are expensive, especially on top of all the other costs you are incurring with the gift, travel, etc. If you are nursing you really can't be away long. But I think I as the parent would try to explain my logistics in asking for an exception and I as the host would try and be accommodating if it really was a matter of them attending or not.
Evening events are different though as you have the spouse to stay at home while the kid sleeps.
*sniff* I am going to try so hard to not be that MIL.
You all keep me straight if I ever get a DIL..mmkay?
Had he never been to a wedding before? And if he had and thought this was appropriate, he needs new people.
or perhaps a simple "my vag, my call"
Dude:
He wants his mama in the room while you're all splayed b/c your mama will be there? OH HELL NO. The person with splayed legs gets to decide.
Ha I'm going to try this. And can I follow up with "I'm not entirely sure when I'll be ready for your mom to visit because my mom is far superior" or is that too far??
To be honest I dont know if I want my mom in the room during birth. This is how THAT convo went:
Mom can you take care of the dogs when we're at the hospital?
Mom: "well i'll be AT the hospital so no."
me: you're going to be there the whole time, just hanging out in the waiting room?
Mom: no, I was thinking I'd be in the room with you guys.
Me: Ummmm....okay. You can't tell the nurses what to do.
Mom: I would NEVER tell a nurse what to do [she did L&D for years.]
Me: You cant tell the doctors what to do.
Mom: Sometimes the doctors need to be told what to do and only nurses will do it.
Me: MOM.
Mom: do you think they'll ask me to scrub in?
So her presence is still undecided. Ha.
I had a leash on my daughter at Target several years ago (it is a bear backpack with a long tail - she loved it) and two early twenty-somethings made a snarky comment to me about my "pet." Ignorant .
Also, my handle was born of anger with my ILs, so I'm good.
Excellent!
I've been to showers with kids and without kids so I don't even know what the "normal" custom is. I don't recall any nightmare children throwing the cake around or anything, so they must have all been fine.
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home DYour mom sounds hilarious.
Dude, do whatever you feel like at the time. Any anger/upset your mom feels will be gone after she sees the baby. This is not a decision you need to make and stick to now. I think you get to change your mind however many times you want until the last moment.
I'm still not sure I'd want DH there. Hell, the '60s twilight births sound good to me. But then again, the idea of having kids is only a new one, so who knows what I will actually want if the time ever comes.
I guarantee copzson will want me in the delivery room, and babycopz will have me restrained and put in a janitorial closet far away when she delivers.
So, I will have a DIL screaming to keep me away and a son screaming for me to be there and a daughter screaming for me to get away and a SIL screaming for me to take my daughter off his hands.
I won't be able to win.
*sigh*
Becky, you are totally not an awful person. They are awful.
I also think, at some point, YH will get that. I know it's difficult to navigate these issues b/c you don't want to hurt his feelings or make him defensive, but I promise you, one day he will see it and my guess is he'll see it once your baby is here.
MH and I got married really young (I was 23 and he was 24), and over the years, we've both learned a lot about our families. When we first got married, I think we both thought our families were great and the other side was crazy. Slowly, we've realized they are both bananas, and that the only people we should worry about making happy our us and our kids - basically OUR family. We do what's best for us, and it's a lot easier to make that call now that we have our own kids to think about.
My MIL is one who is an ass about her kids leaving their hometown - she doesn't understand why anyone would live anywhere else - and thinks everyone should travel to her. I think she's finally realized that her self centered attitude has affected her relationship with her two sons, but she hasn't changed her actions yet. We'll see what happens in the future, but we no longer feel obligated to visit her. If it works for us, and makes us happy, we do it. Otherwise, it doesn't happen. I mean, I think it was pretty much over for her when she told MH that she "HATES TRAVELING. IT SUCKS." He was like, "really, I hadn't noticed... what with traveling w/ 2 kids to see you all the time..."
As for MIL visiting and being in the delivery room... I would just tell YH that during that time you need people who will be supportive and helpful to you and your MIL is not that person. It's going to be a crazy, hormonal, stressful time and even though you both made the baby, you're the one who is going to be dealing w/ the bulk of the effects of having the baby.
I think its all about the son. I know that's what's really going on here. H needs to man up. My mom is a TOTAL control freak and can be very overbearing but because her mother was psychotic (as in, threw a christmas ornament at my mom while she was feeding my brother in the hospital - born Dec 17 hence the ornaments - bc my mom wouldnt let her hold him since she was FEEDING HIM) I think she is actually probably a very good MIL relatively. She gives her opinion nonstop but never invites herself over, never intrudes into family time with SILs family and so on and so forth. so she has this sense of boundaries (and to be fair, MIL does too, it's just H who doesn't.)
Seriously though ladies thanks. you all are making me feel much better and much less irrational about this. I just need to sit down and word it all in a way that doesn't make me sound petty. I think we'll do it tonight bc he is going to NJ this weekend so that way he can then discuss the expectations with his mother.
FIL's cousin wore jeans to our wedding. And they brought their 20-year-old son - whose name was not on the invitation - and he was also wearing jeans. We found out the son was coming the day of the wedding. I didn't even make a place card for him. I decided they could figure out where he was sitting.
But I suppose that's better than groomy's uncle, who RSVP'd yes and didn't show. Because he didn't feel like making the 2.5-hour drive.
It caused MAJOR drama between FIL and his brother. I still haven't forgiven him. I try to avoid talking to him at all family functions. Unfortunately, that usually leaves me stuck with the racist cousin. Good times, good times.
For the record...we didn't call or inform anyone until after babycopz birth (you get smarter after the first one) and it was glorious.
-AGREE. i have one that goes out to eat EVERY SINGLE DAY with the kid. which isn't thrifty, but what the hell do i care? except that she also "checks in" at whatever restaurant. and then posts a photo of the kid eating whatever. every.single.day. sometimes for midmorning snack too.
-the "but kids are family too" argument is bunk. who cares? my grandmother is family and i didn't invite her to my bachelorette. "family" isn't some magical status of awesomeness by which one can wave a wand and make something annoying and inappropriate into something pleasant and appropriate.
-i agree that jerseys are not for non-players and will up the ante by saying that if you are a woman and wearing the girlified jersey of your team (e.g., in pink, cropped, tight, has hearts instead of real team logo), in my dealings with you i start from the presumption that you are a sterotypical airhead who has a bedazzled phone, plays stupid to curry attention with men, and probably goes around saying dumb shiit like "i hate working for women, men are better bosses! tee hee!" that is, i wish there was a hunger games style culling and you were fighting to the death.
-if anyone, and i mean anyone at all including the dalai lama himself, tried to insist on anyone being present or not present in the delivery room while i'm birthing a child, i would slap them upside the head. my splayed legs, gaping vagina--my rules.
-regional stereotypes about racism irritate me. as in, "wow! look at this story about someone who did something racist in pennsylvania! that's so surprising because it isn't the deep south where everyone has agreed all of the racists live." you want to talk per capita racism, sure, show me some numbers and we can talk about differing experiences, etc. but for the most part i think it's intellecutally lazy and a method by which people pat themselves on the back for being so awesome and advanced merely because of where they live because they seem think, for example,the klan only operates south of the mason dixon.
I've done both
It depends on how far away they are and how fast they're walking toward me and if I feel like waiting for them, which I usually don't. If they're coming up on me fast, though, I hold the door. What totally pisses me off is people trying to get on the elevator before I can even try and get off the damn thing. *shakes fist*
Oh I have another confession and sorry its also childbirth related.
I see Tef's post below about Bill Cosby and cant open it bc we had to watch a segment from one of his standup routines in our childbirth class and now all I can think of when I hear his name is him saying "Puuuuuuush, puuuuuuuuuush" from the routine.
LOL. Are you going to go?? where are you going?
The jeans were after seeing his dad in a white/cream suit for his sister's wedding the May prior, and BIL in at least khakis. His dad showed up to our wedding in the equivalent of a Hawaiian T-shirt and slacks. I mean, go to effing Target, spend $25 for some dress pants for BIL.
This also included them not letting us know that SMIL and SBIL weren't coming due to a surgery she had more than a week prior. They didn't let us know she wasn't coming, so their meals, chairs, etc were paid for.
Zuma Zoom
My mom was home with my annoying dog while H and I were at the hospital while I was in labor with pudding.
I swear to God I was thisclose to telling H to go home and get my mommy for me. H was great and aside from one comment about how that contraction didn't look that bad on the monitor, I wouldn't change a thing.
But lord Jesus when I hit nine centimeters I wanted my mommy so damned bad especially since I knew she was only five minutes away. I have a feeling I wouldn't have responded that way if she was out of state.
No, I didn't just want my mother. I literally was broken down in tears resisting the urge to cry, I WANT MY MOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMIIIEEEEEE every time a fresh contraction rolled, something like a three year old with a skinned knee.
Click me, click me!
Seriously, this--I don't know wtf is up with some men and their mothers thinking that (a) experiencing the birth of a child is the same for the woman doing the birthing and the husband watching the birth, and (b) that it's a spectator sport to which he should also get to invite his mommy! WTMF?!
The only comfort I took in groomy's uncle not coming was that we paid for way more plates than we had guests anyway. Our attendance rate was fairly low. Apparently people don't like to travel to the midwest in winter - who knew? So we (and by "we," I mean my mom) paid for about 15 extra plates. So it's not like the bottom line was affected. But seriously, who skips his nephew's wedding because he "doesn't feel like making the drive"? Ugh.
FYI, you couldn't pay me enough money to be in a birthing suite with Jackson and his wife.
I'm not even sure I'd do it for Scarlett.
I just have no desire. Birth is no miracle of life for me - it was surgery and being totally out of it, lol.
I'll visit any grandbabies once they are cleaned up and their mother's vagina is no longer on display, TYVM. And I'll bring their mother a gift bag full of pedicure gift certificates and a cute diaper bag of their choice.