Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
is he right??? help please!
Me and my boyfriend haver been going out for almost a year and a half, and its really serious. we are young and so he lives with his mom, well his mom is leaving and he needs somewhere he can stay and he cant stay with me and my family unfortunatly. anyway he was going to live with his sister but recently he told me he is going to move in with his long time friend, who is a girl. i got upset, not because of jelousy, but because i dont think its right he living with a girl who isnt me or a family member. also because we will not be able to have quality time together at all. his excuse is that her house is cleaner and alot of his guy friends are living their too. we are in this huge argument...well who is right?
me: thinking its wrong because a girl lives there
him: thinking its right because guys live there also
Re: is he right??? help please!
im 18 and he is 19
he doesnt free load he pays like a bill or two but he is in college alot of his money is going to that.
how is he right if i may ask..
You wanted him to live with you and your parents?
Um. Yeah. He can live with his friend(s).
He's right in that he doesn't have many options, and he is just going to a house filled with multiple people because that's the best one out of the options he has. If it were just him and a female friend, and there was only one bedroom and one bed they had to share, I'd feel differently, but this is just a multiple roommate situation.
I don't think it'll last long, though. If all he can do is pay a bill or two, then they're not going to let him crash there and use their housing and utilities and food mostly for free for long.
1) He needs to find a place to live
2) He cannot move in with you
3) A longtime friend of his, who happens to be a girl, has offered him a place.
4) He can afford above-mentioned place.
My conclusion - he is right. Times are tough for everyone, and this may be a win-win for not only him, but also his friend. It sounds like they need another roommate.
You are overreacting about him having a female roommate. If he wanted to be with that particular girl, then he would be, not you. Chill out, honey.
BTW - how do you figure you will not have any quality time now that he is moving out of his mother's place? Last I checked, there are restaurants, hotels, all kinds of places for couples to go and spend quality time together.
very true, however what about his sister? she helps him out alot more. and all she needs is a ride here and there. plus i liked that im really comfortable with his family and im not with his friends. they are so rude and i guess you could say not commited to anything they always try to get him to go with other girls. and it makes me really upset knowing he would be around that alot.
Ah. Well, that's a problem not with where he lives, but with him and the kinds of people he chooses to hang around. Why do they try to get him to be with other girls? What is his reaction to that?
At 19, though, it's not really a bad thing that his friends aren't committed to anything, relationship-wise. In fact, developmentally, it's better that they aren't.
I have a male roommate right now. There is no way I am going to bang him.
You two are young.
You also sound like you have control issues.
he says no but its just fustrating. i guess im just to protective over him or something.
and yeah im sure it is better that they arent but he his and to tell him things like that isnt cool...
i guess ill just let it go and let him move in. i think i got so mad because iv let him do alot of things i shouldnt have and didnt want him to do so now i just want to put my foot down for once, maybe i just did it at the wrong time
This.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
hmm well the one thing that gets to me the most is that i let him go to a concert with his ex in city kinda close by. they were together for 3 years and yeah. anyway he went with her, her best friend(that he had a thing for) and a guy. they drove their in a her car and all 4 stayed the night in a hotel the next morning they came back. i didnt want to say no cuz it was his favorite band and idk it bothers me alot..alot of people said that was stupid of me and i agree but i let him go and yea..
So he is frequently still around females that make you uneasy, then, to the point of sharing a hotel room with two of them at once. And that's probably the background for you being uneasy about this arrangement.
Based on that, and how you feel about his friends, I can see why you don't entirely trust this guy (and don't say you do, because you wouldn't be so freaked out if you did). Honestly, I don't see this relationship lasting, and really, that's okay. It's more than okay - you're going to be so relieved when it's over, and you'll realize that you're actually happier without him, without having that anxious pit in your stomach over his ex, or her friend, or his roommate, or whoever.
And next time you're picking a boyfriend, pick one who makes you feel good and at ease all the time, not most of the time except when he's hanging around his ex, or this other girl that he likes, etc.
Seriously, you will not be dating this guy in a year or 2.
alright..maybe your right. ill give it some thought.
i know i must sound like a stupid teenager but i have no one else to talk about this stuff with so yeah i kinda have to vent.
thanks..
You're too immature to be in a committed relationship. You didn't "let him". He went. Because he wanted to. Because he CAN. You're not married. You're not even engaged. Nor should you be. Internet strangers shouldn't have to tell you that being in a mature relationship means that your partner hangs out with you because they want to, not because you forbid or let them go places or hang out with other people. You can't make someone want to be with you and you can't stop him from cheating on you whether you "allow" him to go somewhere or not. If he chooses you he chooses you. If he doesn't, he doesn't. You don't have any control over that.
No. You sound like a perfectly normal and reasonable teenager. I'd be really weirded out if you sounded 30.
I know first hand its hard to be young and in a relationship. There is a lot you are still learning, just remember to be trusting and honest and the rest will fall into place. Don't sweat the small things, at least he is thinking of a way to stay here rather than move away with his mom. Think of this as a new adventure in your relationship where you have to be more creative with your time together, rather than hang out at eachothers houses.
Listen to Kuus.
Also don't confuse protective with controlling. What you're describing is not looking out for him but trying to control his behavior. There might be reasons you're feeling a need for that (he doesn't sound as serious about your relationship as you are), but the instinct isn't a good one. It will drive away people who are good for you (because they'll be too healthy for that shizz) and keep you clinging to the people who aren't (because they get off on drama). When you find yourself feeling "too protective" ask yourself if you're being supportive or controlling, what's making you feel that way and what you should be doing.
"The meek shall inherit the earth" isn't about children. It's about deer. We're all going to get messed the fuckup by a bunch of cloned super-deer.- samfish2bcrab
Sometimes I wonder if scientists have never seen a sci-fi movie before. "Oh yes, let's create a super species of deer. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG." I wonder if State Farm offers a Zombie Deer Attack policy. -CaliopeSpidrman
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
She gives some pretty good advice, and I think you would be wise to listen.
Ahh, it's just semantics. She just didn't stick to a boundary of what made her feel uncomfortable and what was and wasn't acceptable for her to stick around. Less about what she'd allow a person to do, and more about what she'd allow in a relationship she chooses to continue.
Yeah, I hadn't read your question or the response when I posted that.
It does kind of suck to be a teenager in a committed relationship. There's so much exploring to do and new people to meet, but you still have these crazy strong feelings. I guess go balls out serious until you can't stand each other anymore, which will inevitably happen.
Anyway, relax about the female friends. He's gonna do what he's gonna do, whether you get mad or not. Do you want him to make choices because he chooses them, or he's afraid you'll get mad? When you can't accept it and still be happy, or when he crosses the line with one of these friends, then get out.
"As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse