Family Matters
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Don't trust MIL to watch daughter
Once again Tarpon...terrible advice. End a relationship because the potential grandmother of a child is not trustworthy.....
My DD is 4 1/2 and MIL has had exactly one day alone with her - at my request so DH and I could attend a concert. And she's a lovely woman whom I trust.
It always baffles me when moms get worried about this topic. So, WHY does your MIL need to babysit? Your husband says 'yeah!, you sa 'nay! - so it doesn't happen. Make arrangements you are comfortable with and move on. If your husband doesn't respect this, then THAT is the issue, not some pushy MIL.
She doesn't actually have the ability to make you go out and leave DD with her.
If I don't feel comfortable with someone watching my child....they don't watch my child. I don't care who they are or how connected their DNA is to the baby or the baby's father!
You need to discuss this issue with your H. "H, your mom tells these stories of your brother choking and not taking you to the hospital when your arm broke....and I am not comfortable with her taking care of the baby. I don't trust her judgement." If he agrees to have his mom sit and you don't - - then you don't go out! IMO, this is a "hill to die on" argument. If your H wants to think his mom was mother of the year, then let him have his illusion - - but she still can't sit for your baby!
If you don't like her, there is no reason to invite her over to be your "mother's helper." Let her come over when DH is around. Have DH take the baby to the park and meet MIL there.
Just because she makes statements like "I'm going to watch the baby..." doesn't mean that she really wants to. DH's stepmother always made comments like that. She was a drunk and had ZERO interest in our child, or of helping DH out - - she was just in competition with my parents (who watched our baby). Obvoiusly, your MIL may really want to watch the baby.
I would not rely on the "we don't need a sitter......." because there will come a time when you will. There are weddings, nights out, office parties. You need to discuss this upfront, so you're not having a "but your parents always sit, and my mother will be so hurt....." In fact, if you're going to have a mother's helper, let it be a young girl from the neighborhood who you can groom into a sitter that your LO feels comfortable with.
It was a finger. A broken finger. No, I would not rush my child to the hospital for a broken finger or toe. If it was cocked to the side and clearly needed to be set? Yes. If there was a bone sticking out of it? Of course. You think my view on it is laughable, I think you're prone to overreaction.
And no, not everyone responding is American. Hardly means our opinions are any less valid, thanks.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Tofu - the OPs MIL DID think the finger needed to be set - that's what the popsicle sticks were for!
If I thought a child had a bone that NEEDED TO BE SET, I think the normal reaction is to have a professional do it - - not to DIY with popsicle sticks! WTF?!? If the OPs child has a gash on her head, is the OP supposed to exect that her MIL will pull out her own needle and thread?
I grew up in the '70s (10 years before the '80's the OPs dh grew up in). When we had problems, our parents tooks us to the doctor. The 80's were not a time of "anything goes" - at least for educated parents.
I'm not taking it as the finger needing to be set so she used popsicle sticks. I'm taking it as she used popsticle sticks as a home made splint to keep him from moving it, rather than using a metal splint from the hospital.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
Nice.
Wait, can I change my answer to this? OP, I totally think that you should do this. Definitely. ; )
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
I don't see where the OP says it was a finger?
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
I don't. It took more than 4 years for MIL to watch DD alone. I've hired lots of babysitters. What's so strange about that?
My thoughts exactly
Designer Dresses |
Homecoming Dresses
DH and I have discussed this topic at length. The first few conversations were tough, but we both agree that his mother and a sibling will never, ever be left alone with our future children. I brought it up the first time after a particularly abusive family visit during our decompression discussion by simply stating, sadly and without fanfare, "If she behaves this way when we have children, I will never be comfortable leaving them with her."
You need to talk about it now, and be a united front on the issue, otherwise it won't work. You need to have a plan to deal with unstable family members before they become an issue.