Salvaging a relationship with his family. Yes or no

Re: Salvaging a relationship with his family. Yes or no

• JillShari member

  

  December 2012

  I just want to say that the best advice that I can give you is:

  #1: what everyone else told you

  #2: When you are dating, engaged and all that stuff...it shouldn't be hard.  It should be fun and it should be pretty easy.  If it isn't, you are trying to force a square peg into a round hole... good luck with that.
  

  Jill * Married to Steven 11/9/03 * DS Samuel 4/4/05* DS #2 Jeffrey 6/13/2009

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• FleurdeLaDay

  January 2013

  In other news UPDATE! Had a conversation with my SO about my feelings and I was very explicit with how I felt and I wanted explicit clarity on how he felt about the whole family situation. After an extensive conversation we realized that we were not on the same page. He explained to me that he doesn't want me to have a relationship with his family because he barely has one with them. He told me that he feels like an outsider in his family anyway and feels that whether it was woth me or someone else his family would always be an issue because they have two totally different belief systems. He strictly feels that while he loves his family his relatinship with them is superficial. They talk about daily activities and say hi but other than that his friends are liek he family and it would mean more to have them at our wedding than his family because one he knows they dont support our relationship and doesnt see why they should be there. He was only trying to make things work between us because he thought that is what I wanted. 
  It was crazy because I explained to him the only reason I was trying and stressing about getting along with them was because I thought that is what he wanted. It was really important to me for him to have a close relationship with my family which he does but it wasnt that important to him which I failed to explictly realize. From the conversations we had I thought he felt in the middle and wished things were different with me and his family but he told me honestly he is glad I am done with them so that we can focus on us. He told me is focus is on us and not on them because he already knows that any interaction with them is pointless. He explained to me that he was annoyed by the situation because he really thought he was telling me that he didnt want me and us to have anything to do with them but thought because that was what I wanted he would do whatever to make it happen. The situation with them turning me away in my time of need really angered him and after that it was the nail in the coffin for them in regards to them and us. Needless to say we both had a epiphany about it and i breathed a sigh of relief that my SO supports my decision to not want to have anything to do with them, is on the same page as me and his focus is on us and not them. I'm truly all right now   Sorry for the late update everyone! We are currently engaged and planning our wedding for 2014  

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