Relationships
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Would you be ok with your husband going to Mardi Gras?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Kids are way smarter than you think. They know things aren't right, and yes, I'm sure they will find out eventually.
This is actually one instance where I would say it is perfectly ok to find a side piece.....
Seriously though, I am struggling to understand why anyone in their right mind would stay with a philandering piece of crap in the first place....especially after openly admitting that the guy is POS....wow, just wow....
I'm starting to think looking for opinions was a bad idea. I thought that's what this forum was for but I guess not. I know I'm doing bad, I really could do without assuming, overly negative comments. That's not helping anyone. I don't have anyone to talk to IRL about this, but I'm sure that's no surprise.
I was 18 when I got married the first time, and I never said he was a good father. I'm not about to go into that situation. It only lasted a few years, I was pregnant with my first within a month of getting married, and got divorced while pregnant with my second. They are two years apart. I waited quite a while to marry my husband, and I was friends with him for a very very long time first. We have known each other most of our lives. I did not jump from man to man as it was assumed I did. I don't know, I don't know why I'm even sitting here defending myself. I just wanted to know how other women would handle the situation. Sorry.
We would handle it by leaving the second bad husband. So you married young and made a bad choice. You got away from that. You can do it again. You've admitted you know this guy is also no good. And as PPs have pointed out, your kids will see it, no matter how well you think it's hidden. FWIW, I'm sorry you've had two husbands turn out to be duds. Some guys hide their true selves for a really long time. My aunt was married for nearly 20 years before divorcing, and he was a nice guy for a large part of that. And she tried hard to make things work even after he cheated, particularly since she had two nearly adult kids with him, but he just wouldn't even try to change. She is now remarried in her early forties to a man who went through similar experiences.
I also have a friend who's on her second marriage to a man on his third. Please don't be afraid of starting over again. It doesn't mean you failed. He has failed you.
What were you looking for? I know - how to "deal" w this. But that's the point we're trying to make. There is nothing to deal with. Your DH Is a douche and cheats on you. He isn't going to change. You can get upset and pissed, but that doesn't work. He has no respect for you. This isn't going to change. If you stay, THIS is your life. And we have no advice on how to handle it because none of us would stay.
Im sorry that you feel we're being harsh. We just want you to "get it" that this isn't and will never be a good marriage. If you did talk to people in your life, you'd probably get the sunshine and puppies answers on how to make it work that you seem to want. But they would do you no good because your DH clearly isn't goin to change.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
A GOOD father does not use money his family needs to go on holiday with friends and "probably" cheat.
No one on here is going to give pointers on how to stay with that.
Listen, you are not the normal wife in this type of situation who is friggin delusional. You have all of the right thinking going on, hence, the fact that you know he is not going to change nor is the marriage. All you have to do is put all of the pieces together and start the process. Is it hard to leave someone after it being your 2nd marriage and investing time within either marriage? YES! Everyone has their breaking point and not everyone's breaking point is the same. Sometimes coming to a forum to discuss problems isn't so good. You sometimes have to have a thick skin and be prepared for some ridiculous comments. Ignore them, even though it's hard, and keep it moving. No one has the right to judge if they weren't in this sort of position/situation before. They can say what they'd do, but do they know they'd really do what they're saying they'd do? Maybe and maybe not, but they'd never know unless they were in the situation you are in now.
What is making you stay? Do I think you should leave? Absolutely! I witnessed awful behavior from my parents as a child. I have seen mental, emotional, and physical abuse by both of them at a young age. Not every child will think that type of behavior is ok. I did not and that is why at a young age I said to myself over and over again that I did not want a relationship like my parents had and still have. I knew my mother was always stressed out. You could just tell, even if she didn't cry or say anything at all. There are other types of behaviors/habits in which you can tell someone is stressed ie twirling your hair til it gets in a little knot then pulling it out. That's exactly what my mother did all growing up, so when she did that I knew she was stressed out and upset. She also has anxiety attacks. My sister copied this type of behavior and thinks it's ok. I did not nor does my brother. So you see, not all children will copy the behavior, but some will. It is a cycle and it needs to stop, which you need to stop it since your husband will not. Since witnessing this type of behavior as a child, I was always interested at a young age in psychology and I ended up becoming a psychologist because of watching this type of behavior happen to my mother. She never left him, so she ended up copying his behavior not only to him, but to others including me. I was different and got away from all of it. I understand your children think their dad is the greatest, but I'm telling you they will find out what he's doing and they will question you. They might even end up in the same type of relationship/marriage as you are today. I doubt you want that for any of your children, therefore, make a better example for them. It will be hard, but it will be ridiculously worth it all.