CNN Opinion Piece on Teachers/Parents

EllaHella · February 2013

We parent different. So be it. But you have be friends and demand respect and authority. It's about balance. It works whether you want to accept it or not.

The problem is when parents don't seek that balance. There are lazy parents on both sides- those who don't discipline and those who use fear for lack of trying anything else. I think we can agree there isn't a one size fits all approach.

lasposa425 · February 2013

MommyLiberty5013:
KellyBensimon:

-from the former AndrewBreitbart/JulieFe

I understand this article completely, but I don't see it in my school district. Parents of the kids who have behavior problems are pretty much m.i.a, which explains their children's behavior and lack of work ethic. All of my conferences this year have been ok because they're all kids that are ok academically and behaviorally---a few minor problems but nothing major.

I have seen a tendency among kids this year to just stop doing work. We have a stupid program where we're supposed to send children to do makeup work. I feel that it really enables them, so I've stopped doing it. I don't care if I get in trouble; we do the kids no favors when we teach them that they can get F's for 8 weeks and 2 days, then hand in a bunch of partially done crap and squeak by with a D. I have 8 F's of 60 right now, as opposed to zero F's when I went by the dumb "zeros aren't allowed" idea. It's really ridiculous.

I also see kids who want to destroy school property, mark up desks, write on themselves and others with marker, write in schoolbooks, etc. I would not go into teaching if I could go back in time. Most of the kids are nice, but the ones that aren't are truly horrible. Teaching right now is not good. I'm counting down the days (56).

Many of the problems in schools stem from the placement of all the badly behaved students in the same class. It's great if you're in the classes that are decent, but if you have the same schedule as the bad ones, you're stuck. That is what I have gone through for years. Right now I have 4 classes of great kids, 2 classes where every kid that you wouldn't want to be in the same class all shoved in there together. So dumb!!

I think a welcome back is in order???

I once had a friend tell me of one of her family members who taught and was fired. A student tried to get in her face and in an aggressive way, he rushed at her...in defense and as an automatic human physical response, she put her hands up in front of her body, arms extending slightly palms facing out, and the kid ran into her and stumbled backwards. She lost her job over this, being told she hit a student.

When I was in school, most kids I knew, myself included, had a healthy dose of fear/respect for the school authority figures like teachers and principals - even cafeteria monitors.

What's changed?

I think too many adults are trying to befriend kids and be buddies with them. For children to respect authority, they need to understand it first. Authority is not recognized in friendship relationships (where people are peers and there is a relatively balanced give and take) it comes from, quite honestly, subordinate/superior relationships. On the harsher end, it's why sending troubled youth into military type schools or the military itself, can help straighten many (not all) kids out. On the opposite end of the spectrum, it's why parents in many cases who don't treat the relationships with their children as friendships have an easier time managing their children. When a parent isn't concerned with the child "liking them" at the moment, parenting is a whole lot easier. It isn't about "like" or "not like," it's about what's right vs. wrong, and about doing what's best for the child's immediate and/or future well-being...emotions of pleasure or displeasure aside.

I am not friends with my kids and I don't plan on being friends with them until they are out of my home. I love them tremendously and spend tons of time and resources on them. Last night my son, as we were laying him down to bed said, "I am happy. I am a happy boy." He knows we are his Mommy and Daddy, but we are not his buddies.

Being an authority figure does not mean no love for a child or no love from a child. I think people are afraid of being in true control of their kids for fear of hurting their feelings. But, since when did good parenting become about basing decisions on feelings?

We can have different parenting styles and I agree that parents should be authoritative and there are ways to do that in a firm, consistent, kind and loving manner (without corporal punishment, in my opinion). I also think it's a healthy thing to teach kids how to make decisions for themselves and how to deal with conflict resolution/problem solving.

vlagrl29 · February 2013

Even if we all have different parenting styles, we are all doing what we believe is best with our child. I just remember one of my friends in high school would smoke pot with her mom and dad. That always struck me as completely wrong

EllaHella · February 2013

vlagrl29:
Even if we all have different parenting styles, we are all doing what we believe is best with our child. I just remember one of my friends in high school would smoke pot with her mom and dad. That always struck me as completely wrong

That would be the extreme end of friending your child. Thankfully it isn't an all-or-nothing deal with parenting methods.

CNN Opinion Piece on Teachers/Parents

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