Married Life
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Getting married young...
Example: if he's punching down doors before your married that wont stop just cause there's a ring on his finger. Marriage isn't the magical bandage. Much like a baby isn't a magical bandage. Both will really put your relationship through the ringer.
Ok, I also was always called "very mature" and an "old soul", and "went through a lot". Blah blah blah. That doesn't mean that my growth as a person and changes to who I am were all done before I hit 25. Heck, I am STILL growing and changing.
Hopefully, as you grow and change your spouse will also grow and change WITH you in a way that you will have a long and happy marriage. This is the same hope I continue to have in my own marriage, and we're in our forties. Yep, still growing and changing, both of us.
IGNORING that as a young couple you face some additional obstacles as you are entering a phase of your life where you will experience MAJOR change is not going to help you. Burying your head in the sand about this could be to your peril.
Thinking that your life experiences were just SO much more daunting than everyone else's and therefore that prepares you for marriage, is also so way off.
Going through tough times growing up is not an indicator of future marital success. Unfortunately, tough childhoods can spill over into adulthood as "issues" to be dealt with. Folks with "issues" face additional challenges when in relationships. Kids from tough homes aren't set up for better marital success.
Basically, every argument made by the OP defending young marriage doesn't help the case. People get married at all different ages and some work and some don't. More people who marry young fail in their marriages. For LOTS of reasons. And I hope the OP isn't one of them. But I wouldn't judge the likelihood of success or failure of their union based on ANYTHING she has posted here. Honestly, unfortunately, several of the comments raise red flags.
I wish success to all the folks here, whether they married young or old. A successful marriage is fulfilling, and certainly age is only one indicator, and anyone can beat or lose the odds.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister
I was pretty young when I got married. 23. I'm 9 years in and we're happy. But I look back and go "Holy Shit. I was such a baby. I can't believe we didn't fuck it up. We're really lucky." I'd never recommend to anyone to get married that young. I don't regret doing it but I realize we're the exception, not the rule. And like anyone else, I have absolutely no idea what the future will bring.
The idea that anyone here finds 3 (or less) years of marriage to be some huge indicator of success is hilarious to me. Funnier even than justifying getting married young because your great great grandma got married young.
Funny in a "aw, bless their heart" kind of way.
*to college-aged kids
That's great that you have a wonderful outlook on marriage and life - but you may find that there is a reason that people get divorced, and it's not necessarily because either of them were bad people or 'weren't a good fit'.
Life happens and it changes people. In some ways for the better, in some ways worse.
Have you yet dealt with the death of a parent? A sibling? Your child? A serious illness? Financial ruin? These things have the power to drastically change a person - and a couple, even though they were great together, might easily drift apart. Your husband seems fantastic now, but what if he developed a serious illness? Not critical, but chronic. He spirals into a depression that you stand by him for - but he never comes out despite your efforts. He stops working and you are facing financial ruin. He turns on you, his personality changes and you end up slaving away at work only to come home to a living hell. For the rest of your life.
Or your husband becomes a successful yet raging workaholic (or you do). Putting in more hours at work to the point that you only see each other in passing. For years. You start to realize that there is more to life than leaving saran-wrapped dinners in the fridge every night. He won't change (or you won't) and you start to look elsewhere for affection and intimacy... while he looks for someone more challenging and up to his pace.
Or your once charming husband experiences something traumatic or profound and goes all snap-shitsu and ends up either in prison or having become the leader of the cult of potato plant worship.
Or your darling husband seems like he would be a great father but it turns out that he abandons you and the triplets constantly to go to work, then to go golfing, then to play video games... you are stressed and the two of you fight constantly. Suddenly living without him, just for avoiding the constant fights and disappointment, seems like a rational choice.
Or your darling husband turns out to be a ringleader in a secret terrorist cell. Don't you watch TV?!?!
My point is that people change and your husband is only 24. He WILL change and it may very well be a positive growth and development. It might not. You will change too. Divorced people aren't bad people. I agree with you though that divorce is not always the answer.
Having them killed is sometimes much less messy.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
"Pre-nups are bad" - said by someone who doesn't have any money.
DMoney will be a kickass big sister