Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: second time i have caught him cheating online
pot meet kettle
good luck to you
Yea, yea, yea....you took vows....in good times and in bad.....blah blah blah....nowhere in those vows does it say ' I am a doormat and therefore I should stay with my sack of shit husband even though he cheats on me.' What's wrong with you? Have some respect for yourself!
Let me clue in you in on something in case you didn't get it the first time everyone here told you. Cheating = Dealbreaker
Leave this loser. And forget that whole stigma about being divorced before 30. Because I can guarantee you, there's an even bigger stigma attached to someone who knowingly stays with a cheater. Which one do you really want to be?
I might be over sensitive in my circumstance but I don't understand the tone of some replies.
I saw nothing "tone"y about the replies! You've gotten honest advice. (yeah, except for that one space cadet who thinks you should hold on. Beware the lone consensus).
Bottom line:
Do you like being married to a liar and somebody who has a patent lack of regard for you?
I do not think you do.
And I can't see why you won't get rid of him. I strongly advised you to go now before a child somehow got into the mix. No way would I stay with a bum like your H, let alone conceive a child with him.
You also have no reassurance that there has been no physical contact with these women. My guess is he will lie about that too -- and really, he's getting tested for STDs? going to go with him to make sure he attends??? You already are his mom as far as wanting the passwords, so why not be his mom and "make" him go to the doc's for his test???
This is "more work" than it should be already.
What good is he to you?
He took a vow that he broke, he can't be trusted and he lied! He also has no respect for you and you are strongly considering policing him and his on line activities.
Judging from what you told us, it is very likely he was never the marrying kind -- he's got a pattern of cheating that goes back to his single days. Why the heck did you ever want somebody's leftovers???
Get rid of him and do it today. Who cares where he goes or what he does; get rid of this waste of skin as soon as possible.
File and do not look back.
I probably should have ignored it the first time and I probably should be ignoring it now. I just don't understand what this comment says other than a cursory reading of my OP and a reply blaming me for his cheating.
Can't imagine why it would be bothersome as I sit and try to wrap my head around the idea of divorce, separating property and assets, holidays, family, and friends.
I forgave him before because we worked through it rebuilding trust but also because I cheated on a boyfriend before and have never cheated any other time. It happens. People make mistakes.
OP, please know I am saying this only out of concern. No matter what he does or says, you need to get your own STD test.
If he can lie about all of this, he most certainly can lie about getting tested. Even if he does get tested, he can lie about the results of the test.
Please call your DR today and make an appointment. No matter what you need to get tested. This isn't something you want to find out when you are already pregnant.
My husband and I had been married for about 6 months in February 2012. He had lost his job in November and was spending a lot of time alone. One day, by accident, I found a bunch of emails of naked girls in his inbox. I traced them back to a Craigslist ad. When he came home, I told him what I found and he denied he was the ad poster. He swore up and down someone must've hacked his account. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and we got passed it.
In September of this year, after MONTHS of feeling like something between us was "just wrong", I went into his email and Facebook accounts. I found more messages in response to Craigslist ads, but also messages between him and a female "friend" that were way too flirty for my liking. Again, I confronted him. He tried to lie about it but I wouldn't let him. I KNEW this time that he had actually posted the ads. We also talked about him discontinuing his contact with the female friend.
I have no proof that he ever met these girls, or that he ever cheated. The idea alone, however, is enough for me to lose all trust I had in him. I'm always second guessing him and wondering if he's telling me the truth. When we're together and he receives a text, I wonder who it's from and what they're talking about.
We do not live together, currently, because of other issues. I don't know if we'll ever get back together. It's difficult because I'm torn between wanting to love the man I married and feeling stuck with this person who has seemed to replace him. I've always thought of myself as a strong, independent woman but he makes me feel like a doormat.
Another poster said you deserve to have the relationship of your dreams. Don't give up on that. I know what you're going through is heartbreaking now, but that old saying is true "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger".
He did this 3 weeks before the wedding. I WAS CRUSHED, I take my religion seriously, I take my vows seriously, an I have never been more hurt, or betrayed in my life. Now before the wedding we had to go two months without sex, that was what we swore to god in front of my pastor. I told him since it seems he couldnt wait that he has a sex problem an needs help.
I know its hard making a descion. An to be honest, you have ever right to talk to someone. I felt like you when I found out. I didn't want to say anything just in case....but I couldn't hold it in, I was so hurt, an I posted on fourms an they all said the ssame thing. ....I desperately needed my family. I told my ssister an my mom... (didn't tell my dad though) I had to, I had to get it off my chest, bc telling strangers esp people who do not know me, know my husband, or know our relationship, did not help. I needed the comfort an support from people I love. My sister thinks I should leave, my mom thinks I should leave or do counsling. At the end of the day both had my back no matter what.
As stupid as it may sound to people. I am working on my marriage. I am newly married an I feel like I would be failing god if I didn't try to work on my marriage at lest once. So I told my husband that, an I told him that god was the main reason I was staying.
I am not perfect I know, an neither is my husband , we both have problems, his big one is he hards a hard time communicating his feelings. I have a hard time not taking things so personally. So I came up with a list of thngs we both need to do every week in order for our relationship to work, some of those were, write in a journal ay lest 2 times a week. This way we can see how each other is feeling an where we are coming from (this is to help with his communication problem) go to bed together (like reading an what not in bed) at lest once a week. Watch each others shows at lest once, have sex at lest twice a week, go to theripist. These are jusy some things.
I let him know that I have talk to a divorce lawyer (an you should, just so you know whay to expect) we have been looking for houses, I told him we are not going to buy, we are going to stay where we are. I told him I did not trust him an I not going to buy a house with someone who does what he did am I won't consider looking again till I know our relationship is soiled. I told him kids are way way way on the backer burner as well. He realized I was serious, an he was a little hurt when I told him about the divorce lawyer an the no go on house. He has an understanding that if he does not commit to go he counseling we are done, an when I say commit there will be no changing or canelling of apts unless we are bleeding severely or dieing. He is not allowed to cancel ANY or we are done.
So far he has stuck to everything. I love my husband, an I know he loves me regardless of what people say I know that if I was hurt he would be right by myside weather we are together or not. I believe that, my mother believes it. Because I know the person my husband is, I also know if his family knew ttheyd kick his butt.
Like I said at the end of the day nobody really knows you an your relationship. Only u canndo what's best an right for you. I will leave if my husband does it again, an he knows it. So if he does an I leave yea to other people I may look like an idoit but I did what was right for me, an at lest we can both say we tried.
I'm so sorry thia happen to you an I wouldn't wish this kind of heart ach on anyone. Stay tuff, stand your ground. If he really loves you hell want to work it out an he won't complain about doing what you need to have done to make u feel better about the relationship. If he does then he doesn't want it an youll habe your answer.
I wish you the best
first of all I am not an idiot.an how ironic it is to say " not trying to sound mean," when that is exactly what it is. I may be a fool only the furture will tell, my religion is not an excuse, it is simply how I feel an my beliefs. You people are ruthless, someone ask for advice, they did not ask to get ridiculed..I made my decision like it our not get over it, you can keep your mouth shut, I didn't ask for your opinion. I simply told a women who is in the same position I was what I did, in hopes that it would help her. I didn't tell her what to do, how to do it, I didn't say she was stupid, dump or call her an idiot for her even remotely considering staying with this guy. If I wanted your opinion I would have asked for it by posting my very own board. So keep your mouth shut an watch who you are name calling there.
i am not a kiddo, and that messages was not totally directed to you per say, I shouldn't have to leave a "PM" , people should learn to respect other people opinions and beliefs before name calling. Its bullying an where you may think you are helping someone you are only making them feel as worthless as they already feel, I can not stand that, an I can not stand people who can not respect others views an opinions an respond respectfully.
and you mean to say that posting s fair game so if someone starting calling you names you wouldn't say something?
Once again: Cheating = Dealbreaker