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Today sucked. (small update)

Apollo11235Apollo11235 member
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edited January 2014 in Getting Pregnant
Today has brought two sad stories into my life.

1) I've mentioned before that DH and I are grad students and TAs at a university in Indiana before. For our privacy, I hadn't named the university, but today someone walked into a classroom at our school with a gun (http://www.cnn.com/2014/01/21/justice/purdue-shooting-report/) and I'm having more trouble with it than I expected. DH doesn't want to talk about it, and I thought of you ladies for support.

I spent an hour on lockdown today with a handful of other students, about half a mile from the shooting, and DH was at home. It was a targeted attack on one person, but at the time all we knew was that a shooting was reported and we were not supposed to go anywhere. I've been crying at weird things. My heart goes out in a new way today to the victims and witnesses of public tragedies. I am surprised at the strength of my reaction to today, and I know that my experience doesn't even hold a candle to those of the people who were actually there (and that honestly, this shooting was not nearly as scary as so many others).

2) We got a call tonight that DH's mom was in a car accident. She is in the ER and we have basically no idea how she's doing. Hopefully DH will hear more from his aunt about it soon.

Anyway, thank you for reading if you got this far. I guess there's no point to this, other than to vent.

UPDATE: Apparently, a driver had a stroke and ran a red light, T-boning MIL as she was turning. She broke her pelvis and is, of course, in a lot of pain. Sadly, we're already worrying about how the bill will be paid. She is unemployed with no savings and no insurance and most of her family, including us, is not really in a position to help.

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Re: Today sucked. (small update)

  • Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. First, I am saying a little prayer for your Mom. I hope she feels better really soon and that it's nothing seriously.

    Secondly, in regards to the awful shooting, I just want to give you a big hug and cry with you. What a tragic and scary thing to experience and go through. That is one of my very worst fears on Earth. I am so glad that you are okay. Definitely consider talking to someone who specializes in this kind of thing could be helpful if you find those feelings continue, or even if they don't. That's a hard thing to handle.

    Please feel free to message me if you want to talk. XO

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  • I'm so sorry you've had such a rough day. I'm glad you're ok and I hope everything is alright with your H's mom. T&ps to you tonight.
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  • I'm sorry about your day.  I'm sure the shooting was incredibly scary - especially during the time you didn't know what was going on. 

    My thoughts are with you, your H and your MIL.  

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  • I just spent 10 minutes looking for a hug gif for you but they all seem trite and inappropriate. So I'll just say I'm so sorry and can't imagine what you're going through. You, DH, MIL, the campus, etc are all in my T&Ps.
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  • Im so sorry you have been through this. I agree with Amanda, talk to someone who specializes in this kind of trauma. You may not have been right in it, but the effect it has on you is not something to push aside. Additionally, I hope your MIL is okay. My thoughts are with you today.
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  • Thank you for your kind words and thoughts, ladies. They mean a lot. I think I'm going to go open a bottle of wine now...

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  • I'm sorry about your MIL. Broken pelvises are no joke! Do you know if the accident was determined to be her fault or the other driver's? If it was the other driver's fault, hopefully they have insurance that will pay her bills. If not, there are hospital programs that she should be able to apply for to get some help with the bill. Good luck to her!
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  • mrsvedo said:
    I'm sorry about your MIL. Broken pelvises are no joke! Do you know if the accident was determined to be her fault or the other driver's? If it was the other driver's fault, hopefully they have insurance that will pay her bills. If not, there are hospital programs that she should be able to apply for to get some help with the bill. Good luck to her!
    Good point. If it was anyone's fault, it was certainly the other driver's. Hopefully he had insurance.

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  • Wow! So sorry for everything that you are going through. Can you use your EAP for assistance or referrals to help you get some support for everything you are going through? Also is your school offering any treatment or therapy for those that are having a hard time processing and dealing you everything? Be sure to take care of yourself, and give yourself a break. If you see you struggle persisting definitely try to seek out someone that is trained in working with trauma.
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  • abt8113 said:
    Wow! So sorry for everything that you are going through. Can you use your EAP for assistance or referrals to help you get some support for everything you are going through? Also is your school offering any treatment or therapy for those that are having a hard time processing and dealing you everything? Be sure to take care of yourself, and give yourself a break. If you see you struggle persisting definitely try to seek out someone that is trained in working with trauma.
    Thank you.

    Counseling is being offered, and we get something like 6 free visits per semester at the university counseling center, though I'm thinking I'll be all right. I will certainly keep an eye on myself over the coming weeks.

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  • When did she loose her insurance? Is she still within her 60 days to select COBRA? If not, I would look into state Medicare/Medicaid or other free/sliding scale/exchange plans.
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  • Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! There really aren't adequate words. I can't imagine how incredibly scary it would be to know there was someone with a gun on your school campus without knowing anything else about what was going on (hell, even having some idea about what was going on would still be terrifying). I agree with PPs that you should definitely talk with someone to sort through your feelings.

    And I am so very sorry about your MIL's car accident. A serious crash was seriously the scariest thing I've ever been through. I'm sure she's in a lot of pain, but she's in good hands now and will be well taken care of. I would think the police/insurance companies would work out payments. I realize that having a stroke while driving and causing an accident can't really be labeled as "at fault," but it's probably that your MIL's insurance would at least try to get the other company to cover the medical bills. She has to have car insurance, which is what would cover her in this instance, even if the other driver's insurance doesn't pay out/they're not found at any fault.
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  • cinderin said:
    When did she loose her insurance? Is she still within her 60 days to select COBRA? If not, I would look into state Medicare/Medicaid or other free/sliding scale/exchange plans.
    I believe it was in November, and she couldn't pay her rent, much less health insurance premiums, and she was denied Medicaid in November as well. There's a lot going on with her employment/financial/health situation, and we were already working to get her public assistance before the accident. :( I think we're banking on it being ruled the other guy's fault at this point...

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  • Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! There really aren't adequate words. I can't imagine how incredibly scary it would be to know there was someone with a gun on your school campus without knowing anything else about what was going on (hell, even having some idea about what was going on would still be terrifying). I agree with PPs that you should definitely talk with someone to sort through your feelings.

    And I am so very sorry about your MIL's car accident. A serious crash was seriously the scariest thing I've ever been through. I'm sure she's in a lot of pain, but she's in good hands now and will be well taken care of. I would think the police/insurance companies would work out payments. I realize that having a stroke while driving and causing an accident can't really be labeled as "at fault," but it's probably that your MIL's insurance would at least try to get the other company to cover the medical bills. She has to have car insurance, which is what would cover her in this instance, even if the other driver's insurance doesn't pay out/they're not found at any fault.
    Thanks. Fortunately, she does have car insurance (required, I know, but I was surprised to find out she actually had it), though I assume that would be under uninsured/underinsured motorist coverage? I'm guessing her coverage is not much above state minimum and might not cover this if the other driver's insurance won't...

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  • Wow what a day. I'm so sorry, your nerves must be completely fried ((hugs))

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  • I'm so sorry. That sounds like worse than a bad day. I hope you all heal from the event at work, but I'm sure it'll take time. That is a trauma and I'm sure there is a process for getting though it.

    I hope your MIL heals as well. Sending thoughts and prayers to you, your family and your work community.
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  • cinderincinderin member
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    edited January 2014


    cinderin said:

    When did she loose her insurance? Is she still within her 60 days to select COBRA? If not, I would look into state Medicare/Medicaid or other free/sliding scale/exchange plans.

    I believe it was in November, and she couldn't pay her rent, much less health insurance premiums, and she was denied Medicaid in November as well. There's a lot going on with her employment/financial/health situation, and we were already working to get her public assistance before the accident. :( I think we're banking on it being ruled the other guy's fault at this point...
    She is probably within her 60 days!!! Perhaps you and family can scrape up the 400/500 dollars to pay her monthly premium?! I would move on this ASAP.
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  • I'm so sorry about your MIL. I hope that she recovers quickly and I'll be keeping her in my thoughts.

    Also, I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I can't imagine how terrifying that is. I hope that you can find some peace.
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  • Wow, I am so sorry you've had such a scary and shitty day. ((BIG HUGS))

    As far as your mom's bills go, talk to the hospital about doing a low cost payment plan OR having them write off the expenses entirely. I had four months of chemotherapy without any insurance and the hospital wrote off all but about $3,000 (the total bill was more than $60K, so I felt lucky I only had to pay that much). Most hospitals are willing to work with you so that it doesn't kill your budget/drain your finances, etc.

    I really hope she and you feel better soon!
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  • I'm so sorry you are going through all of this.  I'm glad to hear that you are ok!  I hope your H's mom recovers quickly and the other drivers insurance is good enough to cover all, if not most, of the bill.
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  • That is so awful across the board. I'm glad you and DH are okay and mil is getting the care she needs even if the possibility of bills in the future is overwhelming. I hope shes able to find the assistance she needs or the other guys insurance covers it.

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  • I'm so sorry, that's a rough day for sure. ((Hugs)) :(

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  • Thanks again for the support, ladies. It's nice to wake up knowing people care.

    @cinderin - DH is planning to make a bunch of phone calls today while I'm working (classes were cancelled through today, but I'm still planning to watch the girl I nanny. Poor thing's birthday was yesterday and we spent most of the afternoon reading the news :(). I'll have him look into COBRA, but I think she's been unemployed for over 60 days, and I'm not even sure if she had health insurance at the time.

    We'll look into all of the payment options you ladies have mentioned as needed. Definitely still crossing our fingers that his insurance will take care of everything.

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  • Oh Apollo I'm so sorry you experienced that! I'm sjo glad you and DH are ok. Sending lots of t&p for your mil.

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  • I was also going to say that the hospital will make a reasonable payment plan if the insurance doesn't cover. I can't imagine that insurance wouldn't cover her bills though, liability insurance is state mandated in all states I believe.
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  • I'm so sorry about what you went through.  Take them up on the counseling offer if you feel the slightest urge to use it.  Also sorry about your MIL.  Hopefully they can consider it the other person's fault and go under their auto insurance.

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  • So sorry you're going through all this.  Glad you're okay and happy to hear you're keeping an eye on yourself to see if you need to talk to someone.  I definitely would. Thoughts and prayers for you, YH, and your MIL. 
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  • Wow! I really don't know how I'd deal with being in that position. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that stress, but glad that you and everyone in your class was safe. And ditto PP's about counseling, I would imagine that if I were in your shoes, I'd probably be in a bit of shock having been through that, and it'd be good to talk through everything, and process it better. ((hugs))

    So sorry about your MIL, too. Hopefully the other driver's insurance will help cover the costs, and that she heals quickly.

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  • I am so sorry to hear about both of these things :-(

    I can't even imagine how scary it would be to be that close to a shooting.  

    And I am sorry about DH's mother and I know it's scary trying to pay big medical bills.  I hope they will work with you and you can figure things out.
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