Unhappy with DH because of finances

Leftie22

I'm sorry that you feel like your life hasn't turned out the way you wanted, but remember that it isn't over yet! You hopefully have decades and decades ahead of you. Do you want to spend years and years with your DH, having the same struggles you're having now? Living with someone who doesn't contribute equally and doesn't seem to care? Or would you rather cut your losses, be sad for a while, and then build a new life? I know it would be scary, but you would also be opening your life up to good decisions, good people and happy experiences. It sounds like you might be depressed and have low self-esteem, especially if you think what your DH is doing is good enough for you. I would also recommend counselling to help you feel like you and your LO deserve better.

Sharpschruter22

TarponMonoxide said:

VOR said:

So because of PCOS, you hitched your wagon to the first guy who came along instead of making sure he was really GOOD quality husband and father material?  Excellent. 

No, she did not know this guy long enough. At the 5 month stage, it's still dating. Not a time to get serious and consider marriage.

And birth control along with a condom is a must.  In this day and age of AIDS and HIV and other transmittibles you're taking a chance and there's also unwanted pregnancy, to boot.  When will they ever learn???



I disagree. You cannot make this decision for anyone but yourself. My husband and I were engaged after knowing each other 3 months. We've been together 3 years now and are very happily married. Obviously this is not the case for the OP, but making a blanket statement for everyone is incorrect.

VOR

Sharpschruter22 said:

I disagree. You cannot make this decision for anyone but yourself. My husband and I were engaged after knowing each other 3 months. We've been together 3 years now and are very happily married. Obviously this is not the case for the OP, but making a blanket statement for everyone is incorrect.

Oh good gawd.  Can we save the anecdotes?  Especially from someone who has been married for ONLY 3 years??

 

Here's one for you- my parents got married after knowing each other TEN weeks. Got PG w/in the first year (me).   They were married for about 8 years but then realized they were better as friends than as a married couple.  

At 3 years I'm sure they would have prided themselves on "Oh- look!  We got married so quick and we now have a kid and are happily married!".  Um, yeah - clearly that didn't last.

 

GilliC

The ship has sailed on getting married and having a baby. I don't think there's too much of a point in criticizing now, so I just hope that OP starts making better decisions moving forward. For instance re: buying a house, staying with her H, and dealing with his shady tax situation.

BlueBirdMB

shaylagirl said:

BlueBirdMB said:

shaylagirl said:

Report your in-laws for the way they illegally run and do business?

Off topic but nothing they are doing is ILLEGAL.  A government could question them because he doesn't have another job, but there are many other ways of proving independent contractor relationships that I am sure they are following.  I've been an independent contractor and I've worked with independent contractors- my parent's entire business is based off of independent contractor work- there is nothing wrong or illegal about it. 

In the OP's original post:
"His father should be listing him as an employee, but since he doesn't want to have to pay FICA taxes for him he just hands him a check every week. "

Last time I checked, that's illegal.
And that's according to the IRS.gov website.

"Federal Income Tax

Employers generally must withhold federal income tax from employees' wages. To figure out how much tax to withhold, use the employee’s Form W-4 and withholding tables described in Publication 15, Employer's Tax Guide."

@blondii428;
In this, I agree with a PP.

You'll be sad if you have to live with your in-laws or have to rent again?
So what?  Suck it up.
I had to move back in with my parents after I left the last man I was with.  I stayed with them for a year while I got back on my feet financially.  During that time I had to buy a new (to me) car because I worked 40+ miles from home.  Then I had to save up for first/last month's rent deposit so I could move out.  I did what I had to do so that my son and I could move out, but NOT be overburdened by a mortgage I couldn't afford.

The thing was, I qualified for a loan for a house.  Had a lender completely willing to work with me.  Even had a house picked out I was going to go look at.

And then I realized; if just ONE thing fell down around my ears, if my car's engine blew, or I lost my job, or some major injury occurred, I'd lose that home. 

I opted to rent.  Because it was the financially sound choice.  Things broke at my rental, the landlord had to come and fix it (and they did...my fridge didn't work well, so THEY replaced it). 

Was I sad I didn't buy a house?  Not really.  It was more important to me to make sure my son had a stable roof over his head, one that I knew without a doubt I could afford, even if something happened, I could swing it for a few months.

Sometimes we have to put our children's happiness before our own.  And sometimes it means renting instead of buying.  Or living with family while we recover from a financial hardship.  In this current economy, there's no stigma attached to returning to the nest. 

Imagine if you could just put away money for 12 months.  Pay off EVERYTHING.  Have a nice, large down payment for a house set aside.  A 6 month buffer for your bills.  How stress-free your life could become.  Wouldn't that be nice?  And if the price of financial freedom is being unhappy for a year or two...is that not worth it to you? 

Yup, but he's not an employee.  They haven't filed employee paperwork.  According to independent contractor codes, there a several different ways of proving your are not an employee.  We don't know the details of their situation, so we do not know if they are operating within the independent contractor codes.  You can't simply say it's illegal when you don't understand the nature of the relationship.  Having independent contractors is completely legal and their relationship may fall within this agreement.  Don't say something is illegal if you don't'know that it is.  You don't know what the relationship is or what the independent contractor code is in their state is.

Just because OP said the dad should be listing him as an employee does not mean that she understands the independent contractor codes.  There seems to be a widespread misconception that anyone who does work for someone should be an employee- that is simply not the case.  Every state has different laws. 

 I've worked as an independent contractor when that was the only place I was working… but that didn't make me an employee.  I set my own hours while coming to an agreement with the other part of the relationship and I could conduct the job in the manner that I wished, knowing that they couldn't tell me how to do my job, but could fire me if they weren't in agreement.  In my state, that constitutes an independent contractor relationship.  They wanted to make me an employee, but I wasn't willing to give up my independence so I quit.  There are actually a lot of advantages to being an independent contractor and business owners shouldn't be demonized for having independent contractor relationships. 

OP, I totally agree that you shouldn't be criticized for past decisions.  That's over.  But you are in charge of your future decisions.  I would think long and hard about buying a house and further tying yourself to someone who hasn't proved his financial smarts yet.

Sillygirl45

GilliC said:

The ship has sailed on getting married and having a baby. I don't think there's too much of a point in criticizing now, so I just hope that OP starts making better decisions moving forward. For instance re: buying a house, staying with her H, and dealing with his shady tax situation.

I agree with @GilliC. 

@blondii428, I am so sorry you feel badly about how your life has turned out so far. But let's just settle on the "so far" aspect of it. You have your whole life ahead of you. Please make it the best you can.