Trouble in Paradise
tm8191
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Husband stays angry for days what can I do
I will try to keep this short as possible..... my husband cannot discuss anything when he is angry about something.
This time being I liked some guys photo on Instagram and was following him and so he said I am a Liar because I said I dont like photos because I am thinking he is hot it just came up in my feed and I dont really care or pay attention Im just liking photos as I scroll along!. ANYWAYS.
He will stay angry for days and every time I try to speak w/ him about it he just points the finger and blames and yells or gives the silent treatment.
I have tried telling him i refuse to accept this behavior and i am going to leave him alone for a few days ( he is currently in his country we are waiting for his visa to process, i just moved back stateside as i was living in his country.) But then he just repeats himself says i am a liar and is dismissive to me, then i try to defend myself and its like a cycle.
I dont know how to deal with this type of behavior.
Re: Husband stays angry for days what can I do
Reason being: this is a loose cannon -- he needs anger management and if this a very recent occurrence, he needs to see a doc. Anger flashes can be caused by something organic: hormonal imbalances and thyroid problems are 2 of the health reasons behind short tempers.
If he has no health problems, he needs anger management. he's got no right to be nasty to you and shutting down and acting like the way he is acting is not only childish, it is manipulative as well.
If you are not legally married to him --- some ladies call a boyfriend or SO "the husband" --- say goodbye to him posthaste. He is manipulative and nasty and this is not somebody who is there for your greater good.
Childish.
So you are legally married to him.,...if he has always treated you like this, get an annulment. I have no idea how that will work in a country like yours -- seek legal counsel from an attorney int he country where you are right now -- I am guessing you are in the States -- and see what he or she can advise.
If this has been the way he always is --- I think it's best if you call it quits right now. You are in for a lifetime of this kind of abuse and divisiveness. Do you really want to sign on for that? I think not.
Gee, isn't that friggin' special.
Won't accept phone calls from you? THis is bullshit, absolute bullshit.
No way to work it out. Put yourself first. Thank God you have physical distance between the 2 of you.
See an attorney where you are and see if you can file here, stateside. I don't see why not, even if you were married in another country.
File for an annulment, not a divorce. If you annul, your status will be "never married", not divorced.
I realize it is hard to admit or even acknowledge that a mistake was made, especially after such a short marriage. But he is a mistake and perhaps a dangerous one. He has already shown his tendencies to be emotionally abusive. Marriage counseling can only help if both people admit there is a problem and are willing to put in the time and effort to try and fix things...and even then it sometimes doesn't work. But it sounds like he wouldn't even be willing to do that.
The easiest time to leave is now. He isn't even in the country yet. Once he is here, it will be substantially more difficult and probably more expensive to end things with him, if he doesn't change. And it doesn't even sound like he wants to change.
I would never tolerate my SO repeatedly calling me a liar and giving me the silent treatment for days at a time. That is the sign of a very immature person and one who has zero ability to compromise and think rationally. You will be forever walking on eggshells for as long as you are with him. That is no way to live.
I also have to wonder what kind of provider he would be. Somebody with that short of a temper and that small of an ability to rationally interact with others also sounds like someone who won't be able to hold down a job. I'm picturing some horrid scenario where he comes to this country...you're the only one with a job and providing for the family...and he has nothing better to do all day than stew about "imagined" crushes you have on random Instagram guys or even coworkers/clients.
Stop trying to contact him. That's a part of the game for him - he WANTS you to call, text, keep trying, keep groveling. Stop. Just stop. Let HIM stew for awhile wondering what YOURE thinking and doing.
But really- that's not the real solution. I have no idea how you met him, how long you've been together etc, but this will NOT get better on it's own.
And again- as a PARNTER in your MARRIAGE, you shouldn't be the "peacemaker". Which actually makes me wonder about YOUR background and why you feel this is your role and why you feel it's normal.
I am rolling back the clock 40 years, specifically because there were no PCs, no cell phones, no internet and no social media.
I guarantee you that if this was back then and he thought you were giving a guy passing by, in a local store, at work etc an innocent compliment, the same shit would happen: this crybaby of a 7th grader husband of yours would give you holy hell in a handbasket.
My point is that he would react the same way over "another guy" -- and this is where you need to check out --- do you want to live yoru life walking on eggs around this SOB? Do you want to spend the rest of your life being held emotional hostage, where you apologize over and over again to perhaps right the situation???
Please do me a favor: see a counselor of some sort -- one that specializes in couples and marriage counseling -- and tell him or her what happened. I guarantee you he or she would say your H is not in the right and this does not bode well for you or your future with him.
Do not bring him into this country. Do as I suggested and get an attorney. Have this sham of a marriage ended; get an annulment. You cannot live like this.
Don't ignore him simply out of spite. What I would actually do so that it's not just you being "petty" - the first text? I'd say "Once you're ready to talk rationally, I will respond. Until then, you're not going to hear from me". And THEN do it- don't respond again until he's ready to be rational.
He texts something innocent? LIke "what are you doing?". REply with "are you ready to have a rational talk?". DOn't let the issue die. He gets pissed? Oh well...
But really- he doesn't sound ready to be in a good, equal marriage.
"Let man not tear asunder" and "forsaking all others" is the vow.
This jerkoff already let a silly app come between the 2 of you. FAIL and big time. He is a zero.
Look at your message: it is like you will do anything at all to keep this jerk, no matter what it takes. That is what your posts are telling us loud and clear.
How many times do we need to spell it out for you? he is no good for you and he is not going to change. What you see is what you get. And he isn't going to snap out of it or "melt", as one of his dumbass relatives said.
Don't fish where the fishing downright sucks. Get rid of him and do it tomorrow. Get him served overseas no matter what it takes --- I believe that the annulment papers can be FedExed to him.