Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Husband stays angry for days what can I do
That the OP's wonderful H is happily carrying on an affair back in his country.
Think about it: he is rude, he is distant and he doesn't care how he treats his wife. He's probably got a piece of the action, happening right where he is right now.
This might indeed reek of an affair....and I can only imagine how wonderful this other person is: how deserving is ANY girl of a guy like this one!
He probably is in no hurry to leave his country, I will bet!
Like @simplyelise, I'm rarely one to throw out the "leave/divorce" card. Even in my own life, though in relationships, I've always hung on into the bitter end just in case there is something to salvage. And I'll admit my advice tends to run that same course also.
But even I was, initially, actually a bit excited for her that she can get out of this terrible marriage fairly easily since he can't even come to this country yet. Hopefully she will see the light before he gets here and can just annul or divorce before the visa process is done.
However, the bottom line is, she isn't ready to leave. And she needs to come to that realization in her own time.
OP, if you are still keeping an eye on this post, something else to think about. The first two years of marriage are the "honeymoon phase". Generally, this is when things are still shiny, happy, and new. This should be the best of times. But if you all are having blow-up fights, name calling, and silent treatments before the ink is even dry on your marriage certificate...there is nowhere to go from here but down.
And if you permit yourself to play this asinine cat and mouse game, you've got to be a little nutso. Gotta be. Where's the common sense in this? You let somebody treat you indecently and you play his game, his way?
I also really don't understand the 'cultural differences' differences argument. Culture really doesn't explain immaturity and being unable to act like an adult.
This is a mess and the OP is 90% of it: do you need a roof to fall in on you? Do you like being frozen out for days at a time and only when he feels up to it and is less of a Mr. Hyde he decided to grace you with his presence???
Thanks to the people on here who were not UNKIND or RUDE during a very difficult time for me. Everyone goes through sh::t in their lives and no ody deserves to be spoken down to as a few of you have. One person specifically more than others.
Nobody is perfect, we are all different and thats the beauty of being human. So if some of you cannot give constructive advice without making despairiging comments you should really shut the F up and get the F off these boards. Reading back some of the comments were quite abusive and really should be reported. Thats not what these boards are for.
Anyways.... hopefully this will all be over by next month. How ironic would it be if i ended up signing the divorce decree the same day we married. Ha.
Anxiosly awaiting trial. Ugh!
It should be granted by default: he did not sign.:(
Why a trial? How come it's not a meeting with a judge and in a half hour or so, the divorce is final? That's how it was done on my end...and he did not sign, either. Was by default.
To all the haters who were talking crap about me I never said he was a keeper or a wonderful person - As any person with common sense knows ending a relationship involves alot of feelings and emotions - and at the time of posting this I was going through it! That is what the boards are here for. Not meat to be verbally slandered by strangers, its made for constructive help. Maybe some feel more than others! Ultimately I did what I KNEW I needed to do... because I am not an idiot like SOME of you implied.
Once my divorce is final on Jan. 31, the Turkish Embassy of Chicago (where I live) will grant my divorce in Turkey as well so it is recognized both places.
I still have had zero contact with him, minus a few attempts to ask about papers and if he has signed, nothing but verbal abuse on his end so just re-blocked and did not respond. I wonder if I should unblock him to let him know the divorce is final and done or just say F him and leave it a mystery to him. He does not deserve the courtesy.