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OK, I'll give you some action - ask me anything.
I'm probably getting divorced!
Since we've been going to counseling, I haven't been quite sure whether to be optimistic or give up or what. But after last night and hearing Twan say nothing had changed, I feel like the book is pretty much closed.
Our next appointment is in two weeks, and I think he's going to go once by himself between now and then. I could see our counselor (second one we've tried for backstory) getting frustrated in the same way I do; that when you try to figure out what he's really feeling, he retreats and puts a wall up.
Basically, the problem is that he doesn't feel the same and doesn't miss me when I'm gone or get excited to see me if I've been out of town for four days or whatever. He feels like we are just buddies (although he says he's still attracted to me, and when we get it on, it's not like there's any struggle getting him turned on!). I was suspicious that he is just depressed in general and this is how it's playing out. His brother thought maybe the same thing was the case, since he feels like he's been pulling away from him, too. But when I gently suggested this to Twan, he assured me he was very happy with his life, just not our relationship.
So I am kind of over trying to make a stone wall happy. I feel like if there is not major progress in the next two weeks, I will be completely done. And since there hasn't been progress in the last two months, I am already in "preparing for the split" mode.
Fukc, I do not want to sell my house in this market!
On the bright side, I'm only dating rich guys from now on.
"As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
Re: OK, I'll give you some action - ask me anything.
Crap Fent, I'm really sorry. I hope he starts trying before it's too late (if it's not already). And if not, I hope you stick to your rich guys only policy. It's a good policy.
Has he been specific about what he's not happy with in your relationship?
3 out of 4 dead babies agree! pepsi is better than coke! - EdithBouvierBeale
Lordy. Grow some balls and stop lurking. It's like stealing from the internet. Jesuschrist. -- AudreyHorne
I hate love and marriage. I got married so I could destroy these things from the inside. - NoisyPenguin
It's a good thing my circle of trust is as giant as my vagina. That only leaves a couple people out. - Cali
whoa. WHOA. For some reason I thought your unveiled disdain for most of his interests, family plans, and desired activities slyly concealed a true romantical lovership that you were too proud to admit to. This is catching me off guard.
sounds like you guys could use a lot more romance (not necessarily sex) in your relationship if he's just kind of feeling the roommate vibe. After the "love high," it takes some work to keep the love feeling alive and I only fear that it's the type of work you would never do.
this is all because you refused to change your name, you know.
but really, on a serious note, I'm so sorry to hear this and I'm sending you internets hugs.
Jesus Fent, I had no idea. I am so sorry that you guys are dealing with this sh!t. I'm so dumbstruck that I don't really have any questions. I just wonder how you're holding up. I mean, have you guys sat down and talked out the Big D, or is Twan just not happy and is ok just being in a funk and doesn't think there are any ramifications to being funktified?
I don't know why this shicks me so much, but it really does, man.
I'm so sorry, dude.
So did I.
I hope everything works out for you. On a positive note, no more Nascar. Rich guys don't watch Nascar. And you get to free yourself from an Italian family.
For less then ten cents a day, you can feed a hungry child.
At first he tried saying that we didn't have enough in common and had separate interests. But all he could really come up with is that he likes baseball and I don't, and I am more interested in current events. And I was like, "Uh, you don't want to be married anymore because I don't like baseball?" So we've been spending time together doing stuff we both like. He got the new Call of Duty game and we've played together a few times and I'm thinking, "Ok how many wives are video game nerds and will play with their husbands?? This has to count for something." I've watched football with him, which I don't dislike, I just tend to have other things going on during the day on Sundays. So despite this, he says nothing's changed and it's not really shared interests, it's just how he feels that's the issue. He doesn't seem to understand that he has any control over his own feelings; they're just this magical thing that happens to him. And despite me talking to him and trying to get him to look at things differently, he is sticking to his "I can't make myself feel whatever I used to feel six months ago thing." Intellectually, I know that if you have been together for seven years or so, and only the last six months have sucked then there is a 99% chance you will not feel this way for long. But in his eyes, he can't predict how he will probably feel in a year or later. I'm quickly nearing the point of Fukc It. If there is not some explanation or breakthrough, I am not OK with just chilling until he slowly comes around. Because if this is how he deals with his emotions, what's to say this isn't going to happen again in three years?
I am also past the point of crying and not being able to sleep, and I don't think that bodes well. I have gone from sad to angry and the resentment that is building is quickly reaching the point that I don't want to keep trying anymore.
"As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
Dude, I was about to ask you which babies you thought were fug? Not expecting this. So sorry.
How old is Twan? What does he want? Every relationship goes through periods where you feel more like buddies than lovers.
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If I were a man (or fitty) I'd totally call my penis THE WIZARD - HappyTummy
oh, I'm so sorry. : ( I know exactly what you mean about sad to angry and how it pretty much just ends it for you. It does sound like you're trying and he's being completely emotionally unavailable. And you're right, relationships kind of ebb and flow and rarely stay white hot for indefinate amounts of time, and if he doesn't realize that, you'd have an uphill battle for the rest of your married lives. I wish I could come take you out for sushi and saki.
Wanna bet?
2013 Calendars and More!
Me three. I am sorry, Fenton. I hope everything works out well for you.
From my perspective it was! I am really very affectionate and lovey dovey and almost every morning I kiss(ed) him repeatedly and would say stuff like "I don't want to go to work, I want to stay with you all day." (DO NOT TELL ANYONE THIS! I will fukc you up if this story gets out.) He never was, but I accepted long ago my role as the nurturer and he as the fragile flower that I protected. This was completely out of the blue for me.
That has occurred to me! LOL!
We've been going on dates and trying to spend more time snuggling and talking and complimenting, etc. So if last night I had heard that all that was making some difference, I'd be on the positive train today. But as our therapist analyzed, and I agree, the more I try, the more he pulls away. Obviously that is an issue with him and his communication/relation skills. But I'll be damned if I am going to spend months or years of my life trying to "fix" a dude again who has no desire to be fixed. Eff that right in the ass!
"As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
I seriously kept rereading this post thinking you were C&Ping some old post of yesteryear brought up during the reminiscing. I am still hving a hard time processing that you are being serious.
And I am sorry.
I am curious if the babymaking was a ruse now.
Yes, months ago. He went from wanting a baby RIGHTNOW to "hmm maybe we should sit this cycle out" and then dropped the bomb on me a few weeks after that.
I didn't exactly announce here that we had stopped trying.
"As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
2013 Calendars and More!
I take back my ruse statement.
On the bright side, I will not have a baby next July, and I have already decided Comic Con is a sure thing. So Noisy, you may begin preparations for my arrival.
Even if by some miracle we work it out, I don't think I'd want to get pg for some time, just to be sure.
"As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
So my main reason for deciding to post about this today is Thanksgiving.
Should I go to his family's house? They all know. My family does not because I think as soon as I describe what's going on, they will never feel the same about him. I don't mind that his family knows, since he's the one being weird and hopefully they tell him he's being a turd.
I want to go and see my nieces, mostly. But then I wonder if it will be too upsetting, since I will be thinking to myself, "There's a good chance this will be the last time I'm ever in this house and who knows when I will see these people again." Then depending on what happens I have to figure out what to do about Christmas. However, I have time to decide that. I have about 24 hours to decide about his brother's house. I'm leaning toward yes, to see my nieces. I don't know, though. Any advice would be appreciated.
"As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
I'm shocked. I know I don't 'know" you like some others here, but holy crap. I hope, jeez I don't know what I hope for you, just happiness however that can be achieved.
Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
3 out of 4 dead babies agree! pepsi is better than coke! - EdithBouvierBeale
Lordy. Grow some balls and stop lurking. It's like stealing from the internet. Jesuschrist. -- AudreyHorne
I hate love and marriage. I got married so I could destroy these things from the inside. - NoisyPenguin
It's a good thing my circle of trust is as giant as my vagina. That only leaves a couple people out. - Cali
see, that is just the type of "work" I was thinking you wouldn't do, but you are! And he's not putting forth the same effort or appreciating yours . . . you're right, eff that right in the ass! Please don't be mad . . . have you outright asked him if there is someone else?