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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Ick - I was just referred to as a "girl" in a work email.
"Girls,
Could you send this nice lady some information about X company?"
He is an older gentlemen, born and raised in NC. However that was not something I could let go.
My response:
"Please do not ever refer to me as a 'girl.' I am sure it was unintentional but it is quite offensive. To answer your question, yes, I will take care of it."
His response:
"Sorry, Simply a Southern euphemism. It will never happen again."
Edit: I sent an apology in regards to my abruptness. I definitely need a vacation to reset my attitude.
Edit 2: This was a co-worker, not a supervisory situation.
Slainte!
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Re: Ick - I was just referred to as a "girl" in a work email.
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho
Your response was a little over the top, TBH.
Is there any way you could have asked him not to call you "girl" in a face to face conversation?
I could have been softer about it. This is one of those times I should have typed my email, walked away and come back and edit it. Something to the affect of:
In the future, I would appreciate it if you referred to me by my name. Thank you.
I have an admin in LA that calls me Miss Jenni. That kind of offends me as well but I've never called her on it.
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euphemism? For what? Pretty little things?
ftr, I probably would have sent a nicer email, too, but I totally get your ire about it.
I definitely think it is fine to speak up for yourself, but generally sensitive matters are better handled in person.
ETA: Nevermind I see your other post.
Why does this offend you?
I've lived in the south for almost 12 years now, and I've never had someone refer to me/women as "girls" in a professional work environment.
oh I dislike this too. we had a job applicant do this to us recently in answering all our questions. she kept calling us miss firstnames. it was sooooo weird!!
Offend is a little strong, again, it's probably my "northern" upbringing but I just am not a fan. I don't think kids should call me Miss Jenni either. Also, (getting out my flame retardant big girl panties) it may be a little WP guilt, since she's black. We are all co-workers and should treat each other with mutual respect. Maybe I should call her Miss D in response but I just don't do that.
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*pulls up chair*
I do agree with PW that the email could have been nicer, or it could have been said in person. But that's beside the point now.
Being from the South and all, I do tend to address those in higher positions than myself as Dr., Mrs. Mr. etc. The only exception being people I am friends with. Example, the chief legal counsel I call by First Name, except in a meeting session where I will say Atty Doe. It's just a respect thing around here. Likewise, folks call me Mrs.Nitaw during meetings, reference to professional related things.
I know we're all peers, but it's part of my company's professional culture. Your admin may have been taught to do that.
Dr. and Mrs. Lastname
are different from
Miss Firstname
Not necessarily. In my workplace, it's used quite often.
I'm not saying it's OK and she shouldn't be bothered, but it's not uncommon. I have interns address me as Mrs. FirstName. It's just out of respect.
I teach my son to say Mr. or Miss first name. Unless they are close family friends I can't get past my upbringing to have a child call an adult by their first name only.
I've only really been called Miss Sibil by children which was weird enough to me at first b/c that just isn't done in my background.
So when a young black woman also says that, I'm going to stop short at the implication that there's some sort of difference in authority. Honestly, it doesn't offend, but it certainly makes me uncomfortable.
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Are you referring to the original post or the Miss part?
Girls implies less respect (even if it's unintentional).
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It's definitely disrespectful to call adult women girls, regardless of intent.
eta: Especially in a professional environment.
Wait - I get that my initial response was strong and should have been worded differently but I don't understand how someone wouldn't find that offensive? Given, it's in a professional setting. For those of you who don't find it offensive, if your boss sent you a similar email and it said "girls, I need x report by noon." That wouldn't be frustrating?
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For what its worth - I agree with you and probably would have reacted just as strongly. I'm an adult and expect to be addressed as such. I do have a colleague who uses 'ladies', but he also uses 'gentlemen' and at least those are adult terms.
I can see why you're offended, and I think your response was fine. I also think that your boss was not trying to be offensive, and had a good response with an appropriate apology.
I see 'girl' more as a term of familiarity than disrespect, but it's inappropriate regardless of intent.
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
Hmm, that's a really good point about authority.
Nitaw, what kind of work do you do (legal, I assume?). I can see how in professions with a very definite hierarchy it works to address people like that. For example, when the administrative staff from my vet call me, then refer to the vets as "Dr. Smith" or "Dr. Jones." I don't know if that's what they call them to their faces (the specialists at our vet hospital have their own assistants, who are vet techs, and who also do a small amount of admin, in addition to the general desk admins), but it's weird to think about them saying, "Hey, Jennifer, I just looked in on Checkers for you." I don't know.
At my office it would be REALLY weird to refer to anyone by last name or with a title in front of their first or last name. But we're on a roughly equal playing field, and it's a relaly casual office.
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I agree also. I'm a female, not a "girl." I have a little bit of a problem with "ladies" as well (why does my gender have to be pointed out at all?) but if something is addressed to "ladies and gentlemen" it's not going to bother me. Especially if they are reminding us about decorum. :-)
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Maybe if he was like, hey girl, take out the trash, yeah I'd get that. Learn my name, then boss me around. But a mass email to a group of girls/women? Ladies, I guess, but I am a girl/female/ woman/ gal, it's seems an odd thing to me to be upset about.
Eta I think I'm really laxed about that kind of thing though. I'd make an awful feminist