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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Ick - I was just referred to as a "girl" in a work email.
I responded after you said you should have worded it differently, but honestly? I would have been just as offended, and I probably would have reacted exactly the same way, so I wasn't going to respond and fault you for your reaction.
I don't think you were wrong to be offended. Quite honestly, I don't think it's unrealistic to expect in that situation (a professional office environment) with the simple opening of "Hi". No need to even put "Ladies" if it's going to a group of women. When my department head sends out an email to the PR faculty here - all women - she starts the email off with "Hi" and then proceeds to ask us/tell us what she needs to.
My boss will come into my office and say "hey girl" like he is trying to be cool and it pisses me off. He also calls me "dear" as in "thank you dear" for doing that project that I assigned to you.
I find it incredibly condescending and demeaning, but the first time he did it I just stood there gaping with my jaw open and didn't say anything, and now its been too long to address.
Trains Across America
Would you like to buy my condo in Salem?
My kids call our family friends/parents of their friends Mr./Ms. Firstname. I was a little surprised when we moved from MS to MA and everyone in this town does it with their kids, also. Only exception is teachers, who are Mr./Ms. Lastname.
The grad students I work with call me Dr. Firstname. They started doing it (my last name is difficult to pronounce), and I find I prefer it.
"Girls" would bother me, but probably not enough to say something. I certainly wouldn't use it, or "guys" for that matter, in a professional setting.
Girls offends me and I would address it.
At my job a collective email would start with All, please xyz.
I address one of my older admins as Miss Gloria because that is what most people call her. Everyone else is on a first name basis from admins through managers regardless of whether they have HS diplomas or PhDs.
Totally inappropriate in a professional environment. When used in the workplace context by an older male to a younger female employee, it has a bad tone and has some historic meaning of being demeaning towards the female, or that the female isn't an equal or worthy of respect.
If it were something casual and non-work related, I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it.
Op~ I am with you on the girls being disrespectful.
I don't have a problem with "ladies" and I use that all the time. Do I get a pass because I am female? My son is taught to address grown-ups as Ms.Firstname.
I agree that calling women "girls" in a professional environment is inappropriate. Now, I probably would have considered context before emailing--you said he was Southern, and older--that would have factored into my calculus when figuring out how to respond.
However, I totally am in favor of people in general calling females over the age of 23 or so women rather than girls.
Mr. Dobalina? Mr. Bob Dobalina?
Actually, I wouldn't think a thing of it, possibly because I think of girls as equivalent to guys.
Also, I call older black folks Mr./Miss So and So. I'm from the South.
I only use doctor for medical doctors.
Who "me?"
Socially, that's correct. It's inappropriate to address a PhD as Mr./Ms. in a professional environment.
Not in mine. In journalism, only medical doctors get the title.
I'm thinking this is the feminist equivalent of wagging a finger in a black person's face. Sorta.
Do you mean in articles, or PhD's that you work with? The journalism professors I know go by Dr.
Really? I'm from Jersey and we always called adults mr and ms firstname when I was a kid.
Click me, click me!
In articles for sure, in the newsroom, too, unless I'm missing it when other people are doing it.
I have friends who have PhDs and I don't introduce them as doctor so and so either and none have corrected me or said, hey, in academic circles I am doctor such and such, could you use doctor when you introduce me, I need folks to know I have a doctoral degree while we're in the club popping bottles. Thanks!
ETA: But, the newsroom is not "corporate," or even all that professional. We call the veeps, CEO and so on by his/her first name and people wear flip flops, skinny jeans and all that to work every day.
Like I said in my original post, in a social setting, only medical doctors get a Dr. title (wedding invitations, hitting the club, whatever). Some people obviously will prefer using their first names even "at work", but a professor for example shouldn't be introduced as Mr. Lastname at a college function.
It's a good point about articles. It actually has struck me in the past (neither good nor bad, just an observation) that MLK is the exception, he generally seems to be referenced as Dr. with a PhD (in theology, I think?)
Yeah, MLK is all over the place even though AP style is clear about the medical degree = doctor, doctoral = no doctor. Some folks get extra and use the Rev. Dr. MLK Jr.
That's a lot to write.
I think the fact that I'm now contemplating adding random designations to my name is a sign I should go to bed. I'm leaning toward the ones used for brandy... Mysticporter, V.S.
When I get old, my pasty white ass can be Mysticporter, V.S.O.P.
This made me picture him as Roger Sterling. "Lane, we need to hire another girl! The last one quit."
40/112
I think your response was spot on. Direct. To the point. No trying to make it funny or cutesy.
He got the message bright and clear and won't mistakenly refer to his coworkers as "girls" ever again.
There's nothing rude about asking someone to stop offensive behavior. Shortly after I started this job (about a year ago), I was introducing myself to the Board of Directors and when I stuck my hand out to shake his, one of the board members smiled, moved my hand to the side and embraced me in a huge bear hug. I am not a hugger/touchy-feely person. I especially don't like being touched/hugged by strangers and even more especially by a member of the board of directors. How inappropriate is that?
I visibly cringed and broke out of the hug and stepped back and he could tell by the look on my face that I was not happy and he said, "What's the problem?" I said, "I beg your pardon, but I'm not accustomed to being hugged by people I don't know. Can we please keep it to a handshake?" He actually had the nerve to be offended. Offended that I asked him, a complete stranger, to not touch me.
I still say hello to him at meetings and he still completely ignores me and if that's the way he wants to be then f*ck him.
Wow. This turned into a vent! LOL
wow - I got a whole second page of posts overnight.
ETA; As far as being "uptight," I work my a$$ off to be very good at what I do and have earned the respect of my co-workers. He wouldn't send an email to a couple of male coworkers and address them as boys. It's disrespectful and a sign of disregard. So yea, if that makes me uptight, then it makes me uptight.
ETA 2: This morning I have sent three emails to multiple women (this company likes cc A LOT), each time using "All" instead of ladies.
my read shelf: