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Re: Sorry-SIL responded. Now what?
I guess I'm thinking about where I live. If there's an outbreak at the local school, half of my family could have potentially been exposed because we all live in the area. It's a smaller community - these kids go to our church, shop at our grocery store, etc. So it wouldn't make sense to just discriminate against the unvaxed kids in my case, if I were going to get paranoid I would have to tell every adult that isn't up-to-date to stay home too.
I totally understand why parents get touchy about this. I'm paranoid in my own way about my kids getting sick - it's why I don't like them going to the public library or children's museums - too many germy kids. I just don't worry specifically about the vaxed diseases, I worry about germs in general. I respect that other parents have their own rules, I just can't imagine hurting my loved ones like that.
But then again, we all make decisions. I'm comfortable with my decision to selectively vax (we DO vax against pertussis), but if someone else has a problem with it and doesn't want us around, I understand. If it were my SIL, I wouldn't want to be around her if she was going to be that way anyways. I would feel bad for my kids, but would just explain to them that certain people are scared of other people that choose not to vaccinate, explain why we don't, and tell them we can do something special that day instead of attend the party. They can pick out a special gift and send it to their cousin (hopefully their aunt would accept the germy gift).
Then they'll feel like ***. I don't know. It's a shitty situation, for sure. But if they aren't sneezing or coughing or snotty, I'd just make sure theres a few hand sanitizers everywhere and keep 'em away from the cake.
I love my family enough, especially old grannie, to want to protect them from anti-vaxxers. It IS family, for Pete's sake, which is why I'd rather not see them get miserably sick/die.
If there weren't an active outbreak, it's probably not a hill I would die on.
We come from different values on family. I don't understand why my MIL likes to make an azz out of herself when she drinks and gets pissy at us because we don't want to be around her. *shrugs* Consequence of your action. This is where I like the Republican Personal Responsibility platform.
I'm the Queen of NO in my family. I stick to my guns if I think it's going to be detrimental to my family or harm anyone else. I wouldn't want to be held liable in anyway if someone else were to get sick and then find out I didn't tell them. Folks are lawsuit happy.
Adults are still relevant though. Mom takes kids from school to grocery store, snotty kids push the cart, you walk in and use same cart, you go to party and get grandma sick.
Gah this is the reason I can't think about this stuff...where's my bubble....
Incubation period is up to 10 days. Have the kids been out of school longer than that? That's the only thing that might make me change my mind.
It is contagious through droplets, so hand washing won't prevent all spread. Kids playing and laughing together means they're exchanging it. And heaven forbid one of the snot nosed kid sneezes. Bacteria everywhere!
This is where I'm at. If I were to actually think about it, we could never technically leave the house. Instead, we're extra cautious when we go out in public, avoid extremely germy places (no public restrooms
), and wash our hands like crazy.
Thank goodness I have yet to raise a thumbsucker, because I would be having a heart attack in public watching my kids put their hand in their mouth.
I don't understand the ongoing sentiment of concern over hurting your loved ones.
I don't have a problem saying, "Sorry, if you're sick or there's a good chance you've been exposed to and can transmit an illness that can kill my kid we can reschedule our lunch/playdate/party."
It doesn't mean you don't love them.
This. I wasn't discharged from the hospital after giving birth without my dTAP. My ped and OB told us that my husband needed it and to have all grandparents get it (all grandparents live out of state- so it's not like we see them frequently). When my mom went in for a physical, her Dr. told her she needed the booster (my mom planned to get it anyway). This isn't something you can only be vax with before the age of 2, so your SIL is misinformed.
So on the one hand, you won't take your kids to libraries due to common germs like the cold, but on the other, you see no problem in having a family with kids who have likely been exposed to WC, for which they are unvaccinated and could carry despite being asymptomatic, around a young child and an elderly grandmother.
Does not compute.
Whatevs. I'm just saying, again ACTIVE CASE. It's not the same as going to a store and being unknowingly exposed. You are knowingly exposing kids to this. And 32704Helper's description of it isn't enough to deter your thought. And you, who selectively vaccinates your kids make sure they get the pertussis vaccine, but everyone else is crazy. Oh ok. Got it.
No one disputes that it's not helpful for kids to be exposed to germs. But whooping cough can kill you. I couldn't in good conscience expose anyone to that. But, maybe I just had the folks at the health department fill my head with nonsense when they discussed this a while back.
I think you've gotten some good feedback and discussion around this issue. Despite what others are saying (and most are agreeing with you!), it sounds like YOU are not comfortable. YOU are worried about YOUR children and YOUR grandmother.
To me, I feel like you've already made your decision, you just need to decide how you want to go about informing SIL of your decision.
In a situation such as this, I believe the best possible way to approach her would be to 1. present the facts and 2. Tell her how you feel.
Example: I understand that there is an outbreak of WC at your children's school. That's very scary! It makes me nervous that your children could be at risk for contracting this disease, and honestly, I'm afraid that there could be risk of exposure to other family members. Until this risk of exposure is gone, I'm sorry to say that it would probably be best if you did not bring your children to our family gatherings. I hope you understand that I find this situation to be very scary. Though I respect the choices you are making to keep your family safe, I hope that you can respect mine.
State the facts and tell her how you feel! No need to blame or question her choices. This is about YOU.
Good luck!!!
I am far from a germ phobe. I don't obsessively wash my hands or use antibacterial stuff. I'm also rarely sick.
Pertussis, though, scares the shits out of me, especially when there's a KNOWN ACTIVE OUTBREAK that my family has been exposed to, unprotected.
tb scares me, too, but I don't think I'll be seeing that at a birthday party soon.
Yes.
Public library = sees thousands of germy people weekly. Books and surfaces are probably not thoroughly sanitized.
A party at my home = I know who has been there. I know how clean it is. I can control hand washing and what grandma touches. I could keep the kiddos out of her reach.
In both cases, there is the potential for germs to be present and for people (both adults and children) to be carrying around pertussis bacteria. But I feel like I can't completely eliminate the threat. Even if I told SIL and the kids to stay home, there are adults that could also carry the disease. The best I can do is take preventative measures.
For me, I would prefer my kids' cousins be there for their party, knowing that the risk of them infecting my children is the same as the risk of another adult living the same area with the active outbreak infecting my children. I can see how others would want to eliminate that potential threat, however, after weighing the pros and cons it isn't worth it to me.
The difference, as I see it, is that you're limiting your chance when you don't invite people who have been exposed, are not protected against, and most likely will be carriers of a disease.
I say this as someone who randomly picked up measles from a shopping cart as a child, when no one in the vicinity had recently been diagnosed with measles. You take chances by going out in public, but you don't increase those chances 100-fold by interacting with a petri dish.
All of this.
*nods in agreement*
I wouldn't press the issue if it weren't for an active outbreak.
All of my kids are under age 5, so apparently they aren't immune yet, despite their vaccines. I'm still not worried.
Hand washing won't help the spread of WC, just saying. The closer and more prolonged the contact, the greater the chance you'll get it.
If one of the adults was a teacher at the school with the outbreak and was not current on vaccines, I would tell that person to stay home, too.
Sure, there's a risk of contracting anything, anywhere. I could buy lettuce at my farmer's market and come down with e. coli. It's a small, small risk. If there's been an outbreak of e. coli in lettuce fields in my area, though? That becomes a bigger risk and I am going to mitigate it by just not buying local lettuce for a while.
I guess an adult can leave pertussis bacteria around a library and your kids might happen to pick it up. But if there isn't an outbreak in your area (remember: highly contagious disease), that's very unlikely. But the difference here is that the SIL's children have likely BEEN EXPOSED RECENTLY to people who were contagious with whooping cough. The OP has reason to think that there's a much higher risk they could be carrying it.
I'm not arguing that OP should never invite her SIL and her family over. Just not when they've been exposed to a highly contagious disease for which they have not been vaccinated. And SIL should understand.
40/112
Look, you do you. Fine, but I just wouldn't chance it. That's just me. I'd straight cuttabiitch for something happening to my kids.
Adamswife-
I got pertussis sitting in the park with a friend who had been to the ER when her son broke his arm and there was another kid in the ER with whooping cough.
I don't think you understand just how awful WC is.
The most pleasant part of the whole experience was having q-tips stuck my nose into my naval cavity so it could be sent to the state lab for confirmation.... that and the green bloody stools my 2.5mos old had from the antibiotics given to him to prevent him from getting it too.
Above Us Only Sky
Reminds me again of that commercial. It's a mom holding a kid and the narrator warning that holding the baby close places his life in danger. *shudders*
That commercial makes me want to cry.each.and.every time I see it.
I totally get not living in fear of potential exposure. This particular situation moves it beyond random potential and puts it into an entirely different category. It goes beyond what an average adult would be exposed to. Sure, any hypothetical adult in a community could be a carrier, but an unvaccinated child in a school with an outbreak is many many times more likely to be a carrier. The relative risks aren't the same.
Except, and here's the head scratcher, she does live in fear of potential exposure by avoiding public places... but thinks it's fine to invite people who have knowingly been exposed because they're family.
Still.does.not.compute.
Meredith, 6-1-06 and Alex, 11-5-09
Don't even brink up the vaxing stuff - just say because of the active case at their school, you want to take precautions to keep everyone else from being exposed if they are carrying it. If they take personal offense to that, including, MIL, who cares? No matter what they say, they've been exposed and they could be carrying it into your house to your guests/family/kids. Forget it.
Personally, I love my kids more than the rest of my family and I also don't give a sh*t about butthurt feelings over something dumb. Exposure to WC? Yeah, you aren't welcome at my house. Let's see, weighing hurt feelings to WC? I'm choosing the hurt feelings since I think the hurt feelings over it are ridiculous in the first place. Probably b/c I have enough sense to think twice about taking my kids to a 1YO's birthday party when they've been exposed to mofo whooping cough. I mean, really.
Health > Hurt feelings. YWIA.
Ok this is true and good points.
I just think it depends. I mean, cases in the school of say, 3000 kids, were they in the same grade as her sils? Same class? Shared areas at least? I went to a k-8 school and I was only ever in contact with my grade for most, with common areas like the cafe for a couple grades but those were cleaned between meals. The op herself said she works with someone who has a kid who was In contact with wc, how is that not the same as the sisters kids who might not even have a shared area?
Gah I'm sorry I'm on an iPad and it keeps correcting things.
Is the OP inviting the unvaccinated coworker's kid?