Politics & Current Events
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: I need job advice. Calling the PCE brain trust
this sounds like the crux of it.
If they want to make your life miserable, make you quit or even set you up to be fired, it's totally something they can do, and it's a hard row to hoe.
Document everything. Everything. If you can get a note from a doctor, do it... (most of the pregnancy / breastfeeding stuff I see makes it not ADA accommodate-able, because of the lack of "permanence", an ADA requirement), but it's never a bad thing to ask. Get notes. Put everything in emails. If you can deal with somebody other than choady boss (like HR, or his boss) do it.
...especially since you feel like he's been striking out against you since you got pregnant. It doesn't sound like the situation is a good one, and I'd be super careful but also super proactive. Find out if other pregnant women have had the same problems.
Are there others who do the same job as you - with the same boss or with another? Do they have to travel all the time? Or did one of them get no travel for six months when they broke their ankle skiing or when they <whateverwhatever>.
Is there somebody other than your boss you can go to? An HR person might be able to really help you out.
I am the 99%.
this is a good idea.
I am the 99%.
Have you thought of going/have you gone/will you go to your boss directly, asking to speak with him, and asking him to lay out precisely why you need to do the traveling and cannot use video conferencing to do your job? If this really is some passive-aggressive way to try to 'punish' you, he won't be expecting you to be assertive and likely will not have reasons that you can't easily offer rebuttals to. If that's not the case, you'll get the peace of mind of knowing exactly why the travel is necessary and not a personal vendetta.
Krystee and Momi--
I'm one of 10 employees. The boss I am referring to is the President and owner. I am the only woman here, and in the company's 30 year history, the only one to ever have a baby while employed.
Nice, eh? There is no HR, no employee handbook. We don't even have a sexual harassment policy.
I have a tiny plug-in cooler that doubles as a fridge. I used to use it for lunch and milk for my coffee in graduate school and it has a car lighter hookup as well. My milk lasted a week when I left it plugged in in my office. Not sure if this will work if you have to fly, but if you're driving to your destinations you could bring that and store milk in it at the hotel. You can keep breastmilk in a fridge for up to a week before freezing it without a problem (I did it a few times).
I'm not sure why the bolded is relevant?
I may be mean for saying it, but with a company of just 10 people, I can actually understand why they want and need all hands on deck to do their jobs according to the job descriptions they were given when they were hired. With a company that small it's a lot harder and at times almost impossible to shift around responsibilities while still maintaining fair pay. Does a company of 10 even legally have to comply with the FMLA?
I guess I'm just not understanding where you're getting that this is personal and not your boss making a business decision for his company.. has there been harassment or comments about your pregnancy and maternity leave, any threats?
Yes. My attempt to handle this professionally and directly (i.e., rationally and from a business-first perspective) was dismissed. He called it "cute" (his word) and refused to meet with me.
it's relevant because it's something gender related that "inconveniences" her boss and he obviously doesn't like it. he knows he can't outright fire her for being pregnant/having a baby without a serious lawsuit on his hands but is trying to make her quit.
companies of that size do not have to comply with FMLA. it's not impossible to rearrange responsiblities for 8 weeks or even longer. my company has 8 employees and was able to manage my absence while i was on leave with the boys. was it perfect? no, but they all survived.
Ahh, okay. He definitely crossed some huge lines discussing your pregnancy with you like that, but this does leave you in a position where your options are limited and kind of uncomfortable.
Having worked in an environments that are male dominated and have no HR, my approach has always been to just be a ball-busting b!itch and not take no for an answer, which usually makes the boss in question mad for a bit but gets grudging respect if nothing else. The response of "cute" and dismissal of my request would have resulted in him being harassed endlessly until he gave me my meeting and I'd have called him out as never speaking to one of the men that way.
Beyond that, as other people put it, your options are pretty limited. I do think if you got fired (especially because he didn't like you being assertive) you'd be able to draw unemployment. The cooler idea could work too but I'd get why if you weren't up to pursuing it.
The same could be said about the OP's bf/travel debacle.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
except the inconvenience is that her and her child's medical needs are possibly not being met. the same can't be said for an increased workload. and the reason for refusal to eliminate travel is based on gender discrimination.
edited for clarity.
We don't have to comply with FMLA, no. We do have a state FLA in Mass that applies, though. So I get 8 unpaid weeks. I work on a contract basis, so I won't be billing for the company if I'm not working and there is no work to redistribute. While he doesn't have to pay my salary during that time, he will miss out on the markup revenue on my billables.
Nerdicorns, there has been a pattern of similar commentary since December. Without getting into the nitty gritty (I'm already PCEWhiner), its safe to say its personal and absolutely related to the pregnancy. I had 3 years of positive job growth, almost impeccable performance reviews, increasing responsibility, and 10% raises. All of that has changed since I've gotten pregnant.
Mommies vs Childless by choice in 3....2....1....
this is making me even more stabby. what a fukkingturdshitshitshitasshatfukkerfukkerfukker
The other stuff like the stuff she said he said to her indicates that he's being a gender-biased azz, not that she's the first woman to work there that's gotten pregnant while working there, especially if it's a 10 person-staffed technology company.
It sounds like the company did re-arrange and make adjustments for maternity leave, so it's not like they're outright denying her maternity leave. I'm pointing out that legally they're still well within their rights to stick to their guns about her keeping her full job responsibilities including the travel stipulation. It's definitely a suck situation for her and her boss does sound like an azzhole who crossed the line with his comments, but I still can't see it as a gross injustice or skirting of the law.
it doesn't sound like that at all. it sounds like he's doing what is legally required of him by state law.
ETA: i agree what he's doing is most likely techincally legal but you don't see the fact that what he's doing is a "gross injustice"? i suspect if another employee (male obviously, as there are no other females there), they would be approved for videoconferencing. is that legal?
Something can be both legal and unjust.
I find it very interesting that you are less upset about this gender discrimination and harrassment for getting pregnant than some women getting one time bonuses for having children.
just for fun and giggles: I'm not in high tech. I'm a public housing management consultant. My industry revolves around providing assistance to a demographic comprised largely of single mothers.
I know this because my boss has made the comparison.
Nevermind the fact that I'm a married homeowner.
I think she mentioned that because someone asked if there had been other pregnant women before her and what they had done in their situations. But apparently there is no precedent and no comparison because she's the only one.
And I'll repeat...
*cough* Jim Crow.
*cough* Child Labor
*cough* De Jure Segregation
*cough* Poll Tax
Oh Jesus H. Christ!
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
The more you say the worse this sounds for your employer.
No, they don't have obligations under federal law, but they do under state law.
Does he have government contracts? Often they have higher non-discrimination provisions than exist under state law. What agencies are they with? If things get bad enough, it might be worth contacting somebody at that agency to see what's up. It's super super risky, though. If it get's back to your boss, there would probably be a humungous problem.
Also, I've sent you something on FB.
<hugs!>
I am the 99%.
Absolutely. If you have the means, it is time to lawyer up. This guy sounds like an awful jackass.
Nope. Childless by choice and 100% Team Missusbee here. She's asking for totally reasonable accomodations and is getting systemative and pervasive gendered harassment in return.
That is good to know. It seemed for a minute that we were going down the "her inconvenience is no different than the inconvenience that her co-workers will experience in picking up the slack" road.
This.
I'm just not certain on what grounds I would be able to lawyer up, though. The vast majority of the inappropriate behavior has been in the form of verbal comments, which I can't document.
It sounds like my employer doesn't have any legal responsibility to offer me accommodations to breastfeed, particularly the travel part. So if I refused to, and they fired me, it would be legit.
As for not getting a review and raise, even though I've asked for the review, I'm sure they could just say they were behind and hadn't gotten to it yet.
Bossman is a jerk, for sure, but I'm not convinced he's done anything illegal?