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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: I'm too anxious for this gig
Do what feels right for you and not what the Dr. or ML suggests. My anxiety was much lower when Jacob was with me sleeping especially at the begining. I wasn't able to BF and he drank formula and turned out pretty good imho.
Give yourself a break. This is so new still. You fill figure out your version of normal as you go along.
Duuuurty lurker here. Congrats, she's a beautiful baby and you're doing a wonderful job.
Has anyone recommended the Fisher Price Rock n Play to you? You can prob get it for less then $50 w/ coupons from BRU or amazon and it's worth every.single.penny. It's a great place for her to sleep. Safe and cozy. It's lightweight so you can carry or slide it anywhere in the house. And if she stirs when you put her in it you can slightly rock her. It was the single best purchase we made and I didn't put the kid in her crib til she was 4 months.
I think this is completely normal- or at least I had the same level of anxiety, so I'm interpreting it as normal. We wouldn't let Oliver sleep in a room by himself for the first 3 months of his life. So he would sleep in his stroller for the first few hours a night, and then we'd move him to our room. In fact, for the first few weeks my H and I didn't feel comfortable both sleeping at the same time AT ALL. So we would take shifts- one asleep, one awake. So I get where you're coming from.
I think it just takes time. I mean, one minute you're responsible for you, and the next minute you're responsible for this whole other person. And they're totally dependent on you. I was overwhelmed by it for a while, and I still feel that way sometimes, like the worrying never stops.
You're a great mom now and you'll continue to be a great mom. Give yourself time to get use to this enormous change- I promise, it gets better. And talk to someone if you want to.
Get a rock in play.
Or let her sleep in the swing.
Also check out arms reach co-sleeper. Not in your bed, but close enough for you to have your hand on her if that makes you both feel better.
Finally - I'm the most relaxed person in the world, and I was crazy anxious/worried right after L was born. It's totally normal.
I think he was just warning me not to freak out if I felt a little anxious or depressed in the first few weeks. Which is good, because my anxiety can spiral out of control as I start feeling anxious about feeling anxious (e.g., "omg I can't even put her down to sleep without worrying. How am I ever going to handle being a mother?") and then I start feeling trapped under it. He did make it clear that he was there if I felt like I needed some help. I'm pretty sure that he, his wife, or someone in his family struggles w/ anxiety and/or depression because he prefaced with "in my personal experience... and from what I've seen in my patients."
Lurker here, but I had to second this recommendation. Our girls slept in the RNPs for the first 6 weeks. They're awesome because they're a great height from your bed, so we had one on each side of the bed and when they'd fuss in the middle of the night we could gently rock them or pop their pacifier back in. We could also just reach in and grab them and pull them up into bed if we wanted to. I liked having them close by for the first month and half and they worked really well for us. We also used them for naps for the first month. They're light enough so that if your baby falls asleep in it and you want to go to bed you can just pick it up and carry the whole thing into your room.
Our girls napped in their swings from 3 or 4 weeks until about 3 months old. I don't know what kind of swing you have, but I can't imagine she's squished or whatever the doctor said. If that's where she sleeps well, then let her sleep there. And I agree with most of the other posters, he's nuts to just let her cry. If our girls fuss we leave them be, but if they're crying or clearly agitated we go them. Those first few weeks are a little fuzzy (already!) but I'm pretty sure we responded to every noise for probably about a month.
I'm not very emotional at all, and I was a wreck for the first 3-4 weeks. I cried at the drop of a hat and worried about everything. It's a big change to go from taking care of yourself to having a helpless little baby that needs you to take care of every one of it's needs. It gets a little easier every day. And I post mostly on the Bump, and if those crazies can all keep their babies alive and well then I'm sure you have nothing to worry about
Tamb, in that case, it sounds like you have a good handle on that end of things. Let us keep reassuring you that you are doing awesome!
Also, I think the ped can gargle balls for making you feel anxious about using the swing. Its a swing for goodness sake, and everyone recommends using it. Do what you all need to do as a family to sleep and get through the next few weeks. You're not gonna mess Joanna up because she got some zzzzs in a RnP.
lol, the pedi basically said that too. He was like, there are women all over the world with less intelligence, information, and resources than you have who manage to keep their babies alive and thriving.
I tried to check out that RnP at BRU the other day, and they don't even have the damn thing in the store here. I'm going to have to go to Target or Walmart or somewhere to look at it and see if it's even worth having instead of the swing. Hearing that it has vented sides does make me feel better.
Thanks, everybody. I'm glad I have ML to talk to, because I'm really uncomfortable discussing all of this with anyone in my real life.
I don't have an answer, but I like this, and I'm thinking of you, Tamb!
((hugs))
You got this, really, you do. I have generalized anxiety and after Jackson was born I went right into ppa/ocd. I wish I had gotten help sooner instead of assuming it was just baby blue manifesting as anxiety since I already knew that I had anxiety issue. I was counting his bottle tops and blankets, I was a total mess before his doctor's appointments, and if everything wasn't in total order at the end of the night I could not sleep.
Looking back it is sort of amusing that I was more concerned that I hadn't lost a bottle top vs being anxious about SIDS. '
If you will let me, I will send you one of my rock n plays. I am sure as hell not having anymore kids and there is no reason for me to have two sitting in my attic. I'll figure out some way tonight to take it apart and get it into a box so I can ship it.
Seriously, my gift to you. It will be in the mail tomorrow.
Daycare is SO exhausting!
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Normal, normal, normal. I was still a hormonal nut at one week out. I had several meltdowns the first two weeks from lack of sleep and hormones. Sometimes I cried for no damn reason at all. Worrying and second guessing yourself are totally normal.
We had LO in our room from the get go to make things easier for ourselves. He was so freaking noisy that we moved him into our bathroom. He sleeps in the Rock N Play and we are starting to transition him this week.
The first few weeks are all about surviving. You can start training later. I wouldn't let her cry. I would do whatever it was to make everyone's life easier.
Even though my little guy is only 9 weeks old, those first few weeks seem like eons ago. The second week was easier than the first. The third week was easier than the second. And so on. You will start feeling less anxious and more sure of yourself.
FWIW, the other day I had to get out of bed and go check on him even though I knew full well he was fine. I just couldn't settle down until I looked. MH done the same thing. I think it's natural.
She is too young to just cry it out. I do think at this age, in general, when babies fuss there is a reason behind it. Right now, you are learning her cries and the reasons and learning what works to soothe her. I will say that Kathryn sometimes like to throw this last hurrah type cry. She will have been fed, burped, clean diaper and just fuss and almost as quickly as it starts she will just conk out. lol Apparently, that's just how she rolls.
I DO think that babies, like other animals, pick up our emotions and then react accordingly. This is why H and I will tag team each other with soothing the kids because us losing it will only make things worse.
Just know that this is all new and you are both learning about each other. Hang in there Tamb.
Tamb- We have all been there. I remember staring at my newborn son thinking to myself that I had no clue what I was doing or how to soothe him. For the first few months he slept in his bassinet right next to my side of the bed. I was also too anxious to have him in bed with us. DH is a deep sleeper and I was worried he would role over on him. Read the attached, it really helped me learn how to soothe my son and get him to sleep. I would swaddle him, put him in my arms, do a light shush while lightly bouncing on my exercise ball (he hated his swing and it was the only motion that calmed him). He was out like a light in a few minutes and I swear it was the only thing that worked. If the swing works, then use it. Your sleep and sanity are a priority. Take everything you read with a grain of salt and do what works best for you and your family.
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/u/Harvey-Karp-Comfort-Crying-Baby/379002626/
Honey, you are still in the weeds. You will relax. You have hormones bouncing all over the place right now. You are exhausted and new to this. Take a deep breath and I promise your baby will be just fine. Keep breathing.....and laughing.
I also wouldn't let a newborn cry it out. Here is some unsolicited advice.....get some white noise cds, or a white noise maker or just run the hair dryer in her room when she is about to go to sleep. That put E out within seconds....
PS. E hated her crib in the beginning. It was too big for her. So she slept in her car seat and her stroller for the first 3 months.
Aw, thanks, peachy. I actually think everyone has convinced me to try to get up to Target this afternoon sometime and see if I can find it there so I can have it tonight. If I can't find it, I'll take you up on your offer, though! That is really nice of you.
I'm not allowed to take her to Target yet, am I? Maybe my mom can come watch her for a little bit. I feel like I need to get out of the house too.. somewhere other than the pediatrician's office. Being cooped up is never good for me.
Tamb there is no reason you can't take her out and about. Go ahead and do it. You will feel better.
Hang in there!
Seriously, this is a perk of not having a baby during the height of cold and flu season. get out of the house and enjoy
You can definitely take her to Target. I think we were at Target within the first week. I was nervous about someone touching him but no one did. He did get a lot of attention those first few weeks (everyone loves a tiny little newborn) but people were so respectful of our space. Mostly they stood several feet away and cooed at him. If you want, you can throw a blanket over the handle of the car seat.
Definitely get out. That was the one piece of advice my mom gave me. Get out every day, even if it is just to walk down to the mailbox and back.
The first few times we went out it took me forever to make sure I had everything I needed and then when we did leave it felt like I was walking around with a ticking time bomb because I never knew when he was going to want to eat. One such outing was a trip to the grocery store with my mom that ended up with her lollygagging in the frozen aisle and me shouting, "I DON'T CARE what kind of ravioli you get, we need to leave right NOW!" But each time you go out it will get easier and you'll feel more confident in what you are doing. So, yes, go to Target. Go out to lunch. Go around the block for a change in scenery. It helps get you off the couch and back into "real" life.
Of course you're allowed to take her to Target. I took L to BabiesRUs on the way home from the hospital since she had no clothes (team green and she was tiny). Took her to the mall and Target at under 2 weeks.
No problem! I will come on later tonight to see if you got it or not so I can get it down from the attic.
You can take her out, but I would have your mom come over so you can get out on your own. Grab a bite to eat and relax.
We took Jackson everywhere before winter started. He was a chill newborn so we had him at the mall, restaurants, pumpkin picking, and after DH went back to work him and I used to go to the movies at least once a week.
My mom gave me the similar advice to what speckled received and I think it really helped they way I looked at life with Jax on a whole when he was born. She always said they just strapped me on their back and went so I did the same.
Daycare is SO exhausting!
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the anxiety WILL get better over time and this is coming from someone who deals with severe anxiety issues. BUT, i will suggest this: BUY A VIDEO MONITOR. BEST.THING.EVER.
I just wanted to chime in w/ the all the other dirty lurkers - you are seriously in the WORST part. My pediatrician's advice when my DD was very young was that only 2 things matter at this point - is the baby gaining weight and is mom getting some sleep - everything else will fall into place. If that means your mom comes over everyday so you can take a 3 hour nap, so be it, if it means you give your LO formula, so be it. I wouldn't let a week old baby cry in their crib thought.
We swaddled DD and that worked well and helped her sleep, but I certainly slept on the floor next to her swing and/or car seat more than once. DH and I took turns holding her in a recliner while she slept and we zoned out to cartoons at 3 am. You might also try the noise machines they make for NB/babies. After the first week or two of sleeping sitting up, I started using a Moses basket and put DD in it on the bed next to me. DH slept in the guest room. This worked really well and we we did it for about a month and then moved DD to the bassinet next to the bed.
You really will get through this - but ask for help!
Lurker here - Congratulations on your beautiful baby girl, first and foremost. You are doing a wonderful job and what you are feeling is so very normal!
With regards to holding her all night, we did. I too was anxious about holding her and sleeping with her on me, so I got one of those moby wraps. I literally placed her on my belly, and wrapped the moby wrap around us a million times. Not too tight, but enough where when i sat on my chaise and fell asleep, I felt better that she wouldn't fall anywhere and was properly supported. Bliss.
On the monitor, get a video monitor. I can't tell you how much less anxious I was to be able to see her in her crib. We still use it and DD is 2 1/2! At least we know if she's just whining because she can't find her lamb or if she's whining because she threw up. Really! Lamb = we keep sleeping. Puke = we get up.
Finally, if she sleeps in the swing, let her sleep in the swing! She will be fine. The important thing is that you all rest!
Finally, squared, I cried for about the first 3 or 4 weeks almost on the daily. I was worried about her not living past the end of the day. Then almost like clockwork, the crying stopped and I worried less every day. Some worry will always be there to a certain extent. But that's parenthood. It gets so much easier as the months go by. And I promise one day you'll look back and say "wow, I can't believe I was so worried when I was ok all along."
You've got this. You just don't know you do. Yet.
I didn't read all the replies.
I'm guessing this has less to do with Tamb the Mother, and much more to do with Tamb the Postpartum Hormone Feeler. lol
The stuff going on in your body/brain right now is no fricking joke.
It gets better/easier as time goes on and confidence is established.
This is why I always say that having kids 2 and 3 was easier than having kid 1. at least I knew what I was doing.
The "wondering" about your parenting skills is enough to drive anyone into an anxiety attack. Keeping someone alive and well has a lot of pressure.
I'm sure you are doing a fantastic job!!! hugs!!
Uggh - any pediatrician or OBGYN who tells a new mom she has too much anxiety and that is bad for the baby should be shot on the spot. Perhaps that would up their anxiety a bit and they could layoff giving the rest of us anxiety for having anxiety.
New mom anxiety is natural and adaptive. Babies have survived for millennia specifically because new moms worry enough to keep them from being eaten by lions.