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Need opinion....
My DH and I have been married for 2 1/2 years. I love him dearly and think he loves me dearly too. Ever since we got married, I have wanted a wee one, however we sat down to discuss the matter, it turned into a long dirty fight to which i got told he doesn't think i am stable enough. So now that its has been two years later, I brought up the issue again, to which I got told he still doesn't think I am stable enough.
This has hurt me to the point, I feel like i am not good enough. I do mostly everything around our big house, plus work full time, while he gets to relax and do stuff that he wants. Oh and also go out and hang with his friends twice a week.
I am also 36 and last year was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism, so with that and my age I am seriously thinking time is running out.
I have also exhausted all of my friends and family ears. The only people who don't know about any of this is his family.
Help!
Re: Need opinion....
Why doesn't he think you're stable enough? Stable how (financially, emotionally)?
Does he have a job?
71 workouts completed in 2012
What does he mean when he says you aren't "stable enough"? Did he give you examples?
Did you guys discuss having children before you got married? What did he say then? Has he changed his mind?
You "think" he loves you dearly?
Did you guys discuss children before you got married?
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you. My Blog
It is really hard to give an opinion without knowing you. The options range from he is right you are a lunatic of shouldn't be anywhere near children or he is a total douchebag.
I am side-eying the fact that you say you work full-time and do everything around the house. This makes me think the latter.
You mention you wore out you family and friends with this, what are they telling you?
So what do you need our opinion on? Whether or not we think you're stable? Whether or not we think he's a douchenozzle? I'm cornfuzzled.
Forget-Me-Nots: Alaska State Flower
All of this. What is your family saying? Although they may be biased, they are often a good indicator of what's actually going on.
It sounds like you are being taken advantage of if you do all the work and he gets to go out all the time. That doesn't sound like really loving behaviour.
He is thinks i am emotionally unstable. He said that the first stressful encounter that i have with our child I would bail and he would have to raise our child.
He does work as a engineer. And both of our jobs are stressful.
I made him discuss what he wanted as far as marriage, kids etc. before we even made a commitment towards each other. I had been in too many "relationships" or dating situations, where i got hurt from men playing games.. So to save my heart, I asked.
He has changed. He wanted marriage, He wanted kids, but now he has inverted back to a "1950's husband" I work, wife takes care of house.... with a modern day approach of wife also works.
We do have a cat, and I take care of her everyday needs, however I do complain that i don't like getting woken up at 6 am to feed her, especially on the weekend. That caused a discussion, where I got told that if we had a child, I would have to get up every hour, and wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. But as i told him I am willing to do that, Kids are different. Cats or Dogs can be trained. I also complain to imply that on the weekends he could get up and feed her because sometimes that's when he comes to bed.
Why the fuuuuuck do you want to have kids with this guy?
Get a divorce
Get a sperm donor
You're gonna raise this kid yourself either way, might as well cut out the dead weight
Verdict: Douchebag
Well, he sounds like a douche, and I would advise against having kids with someone who doesn't want them.
Do you think you have stress/anxiety issues? Have you considered getting help for your anxiety?
71 workouts completed in 2012
oh, i'm good at opinions!
your husband probably doesn't love you dearly. and he doesn't want kids with you.
so, uh...i opine that you leave and find someone that does.
I am not dumb... thats not fair! I am just in a position of not knowing what to do, what to think.
Its not easy when you have been with someone who is playing another game. I have been with him for almost 9 years and married for two and 1/2.
My opinion based on this post and your follow-up is that he sounds like a self-centered jerk who wants you to only take care of him and no one else, and he's using the "unstable" excuse to emotionally manipulate you into not leaving him. Which you should think about doing. The concern is that even if you do have kids, he's not going to stop being a jerk.
No, I don't have any mental instability issues. I have a very stressful job. He also doesn't understand my job and thinks I just sit at a desk.
I give up!
What is your job? Why can't you explain to him what you do and why it's stressful?
Your husband sounds like a diick and you sound like a wishy-washy pushover with low self esteem.
You waited TWO YEARS to bring up the subject again, if that's not walking around on eggshells I don't know what is.
The example of the feeding the cat thing is just a stupid thing for him to latch onto in order to 1. make you feel bad about yourself and 2. avoid the real issue, which is that he doesn't want to have children with you.
Cut your losses and file for divorce, like, yesterday.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!