Married Life
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Need opinion....
Oh ok. Good to know the new definition of unstable = been committed
Noted!
HAHA
We all agree! I'm just joshing you on your baseline of stable / unstable
:gives you noogie:
I guess what people are getting at is that's a pretty big thing to say to someone without some sort of corroboration. Do you suffer from mental health issues? I do, so don't feel bad if you do. Is there any reason for you not to be able to parent?
My Blog
SO you are saying his claims that you are unstable are baseless, or has he GIVEN EXAMPLES when saying that to you? You are dodging the most important question.
Dupity dupe
No, I have never suffered from any mental issues. I feel bad and sympathize for people who do.
No I could parent. My friends think I would be good at it. They don't understand my DH.
My DH is the type of person who doesn't let anything bother him, to which I am the opposite. Push come to shove, I can handle a stressful situation.
I am not sure what is going on in his head. He has almost shut me out but does tell me he loves me and shows it to me
Well then you should just dump your husband because she sounds like a jerk. Good luck to you.
My Blog
No he has never ever given any me reason on why he thinks I am unstable. When I brought up the issue on when we could have kids, He got super defensive, and it turned into a fight. I really was half tempted to take my wedding rings off then and throw them at him and tell to shove it. But i didn't, because that would have been out of rage, and not rational. He knows he hurt me, and we agreed that we talk again that following new year. I left for another year, because I thought that my DH should have brought up the issue. He knows how I feel.
So when I brought it up again, he said we could start trying. After many talks again, i thought we had made progress. I brought it up again on why, we are where we are, to which i got told I still don't think your able to take care of a child. When I asked him why, he told me you b**ch about getting up with cat so what would you do when you have to get up with a child every hour. I said to him, don't you think it would be fair to help me. And he said, that it was "my job" I just said, oh really! and walked away.
So based on this, tell me honestly if this is the person you really want to have a baby with? He's already undermining your ability to parent and declared that he isn't willing to parent. I can't imagine how much it would suck parenting with someone like this.
I am seriously think on what to do. I am thinking counselling for me, and build my confidence up. I am not good at fighting and especially for my feelings.
If things don't change, then I am gone and done with ever being married again. I will maybe adopt a child or just help my friends with theirs.
A few things/comments/questions:
can I get a bunch more background here?
you were 33ish when you married. Were you married previously? How long were your with him before you married?
What kind of upbringing did you have? Parents married / divorced? Were you born and raised nearby?
You talk about your "friends" but I don't think I read anything about your family. What do they think of your H? How old is he? Does he have kids?
Yes I was 33ish when i got married. This is my only marriage. We were dating for 4 years before we got engaged. Then engaged for 1 1/2 years. My parents are still together. My upbringing was ok. I was the youngest of two, so I was independent on myself to create fun. Yes, I was raised not too far away.
My family doesn't all say their true feellings either. They "listen" but don't say anything about you need to do this, or do that. They actually expect me to take care of their issues. They love my husband, and don't know why he is acting the way he is acting on the whole kid issue. He is now 41. And I am 36. No, he doesn't have any kids either.
Among other things, I think you really need to ask him, point blank, "H, do you want to have kids? Ever? Do you want to have them with me?"
Not in a mean way. Not in an accusing way. Not in the heat of an argument. Just matter of fact, lay all the cards on the table. All this fancy footwork he's doing seems to be a cop-out way of him trying to say he doesn't want kids. However, if he says no, you need to accept his answer for what it is, and don't try to change his mind.
ok. here goes. You don't really know this guy. He was in his late 30's when he married (read: set in his ways)
he told you what you wanted to hear
you married him
he's telling you what you should have heard a long time ago
he doesn't want kids. not with you. not with anyone else
this isn't about you.
cut bait