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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Need opinion....
I am a graphic designer. I deal with difficult people and deadlines on a daily sometimes hourly basis. I have to deal with people who choose to manipulate, ignore or play games as well.
I have tried to explain to my dh about my job.
I have to deal with people who choose to manipulate, ignore or play games as well.
I'm seeing a pattern here.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
This! According to 30 Rock, the expert source of info for everything, you are now in your Dirty Thirties. This is the time to be having lots of hot sex. Sleep around for a while and see if you get knocked up, and bonus! since you will have no way of knowing who the father is if you're doing it right, you don't have to share your baby with any of the dudes whose boner you rode. Or, if you don't know enough guys who you trust to be honest about their STD/testing status, go to a sperm bank.
Yeah, granted my knowledge of your life is limited to this post, but I think both thing might be true: you're unstable and he is a douchebag.
Changing you mind about having kids and blaming it on the other person being "unstable" isn't playing games it is curel.
However, I will say that based on your reply re: your job, you seem like you are already a little overwhelmed by general life.
Ding ding ding.
You're hearing what you want to hear. He doesn't think you'll be a good mother, bottom line. For someone who wants children, that is kind of a prerequisite for a healthy marriage that moves forward. Don't waste any more time on this guy and his games. I know it sounds flippant but you should be seriously cutting your losses at this point. Even if he did give in at some point and have a baby with you, you will pay for that for the rest of that kids life.
ETA: I didn't read anything that would indicate that you're unstable. I just see someone who is confused and hurting.
Yes, you said it. I am very confused, very hurt. And to everyone else I am hiding it well.
I just feel like a failure.
So your husband tells you you're unstable, but has never answered you as to why. You have worn out your family and friends, and they say nothing.
What exactly do you want us to do for you here?
You're not a failure. You're exactly what you said...confused and hurt. If you have to preface this whole thing with you 'think' he loves you...well, that's really telling right there.
IMO, he's using your 'mental instability' as an excuse to not have kids with you. He sounds like a complete tool. If you want kids and he doesn't and this is a deal breaker...leave.
the mr & mrs blog
A failure is staying in an unhappy marriage or bringing a child into a loveless marriage with the hope that the child will "fix it".
A divorce can be a failure, but mostly I consider a divorce a success.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
No I haven't. I think he thinks nothing is wrong.
I won't bring a child into whatever we have trying to fix it. I have seen that done, and that it doesn't solve anything.
I am confused as to why you waited two years to bring this up again. Also, you have left him with the impression that nothing is wrong.
The decision on whether and when to have kids is probably the biggest decision in a marriage. If you two aren't on the same page you need to hash this out.
Either he wants to have kids with you or he doesn't. End of story.
It sounds like he doesn't and probably never has wanted to. I have no idea if he was just putting you on to have someone in the house to clean, cook and vacuum under his ass for nearly 10 years.
Whatever his reasoning-- if you only "think" he loves you (you should know without a doubt) & he's stalling on kids-- I would look to preserve your financial aspects and divorce him.
Even if he decides now that he wants them its only to please you and you will get no help from him with the kid. So if you want to do this then I suggest a sperm donor and a nanny. You would be shooting yourself in the foot having a kid with this a-hole.
Forget-Me-Nots: Alaska State Flower
You're not a failure. You trusted someone and he flipped the switch. You would be a failure for sacrificing your dreams and staying with him. Let's face it, you're not getting any younger and you owe it to yourself to move forward with your goals.
You say he doesn't see anything wrong. I think you recognize how messed up that is. The person who is supposed to love you the most is playing very cruel games with you. Lets say that he is just not ready to have a baby, which is fair. He's choosing to assault your character in order to dodge the issue. He isn't man enough to just tell you the truth, which is likely that he doesn't feel stable enough. Don't let him do this to you anymore, really. I'm very sad for you.
My Blog
When was the last time you were admitted to an in patient psych ward and for how long?
Damn girl
It's a legit question dude. If she's never been admitted or diagnosed then that sends a pretty clear message that her H is just a priick.
Exactly.
Convincing someone they're crazy is trademark abusive behavior.