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I think I need some tough love. Or a reality check.
Okay, I'm going to lay it all out there. I am so worked up all the time that it is starting to warp my thinking. When I get overwhelmed like this, I start to freak out and when I freak out, I blow everything out of proportion and anyone who asks me to add anything else to my plate is in a huge conspiracy to make me look/feel like an inadequate idiot.
This is not rational.
I am not in the slightest bit happy right now. I should be. I have two awesome jobs, I fricking live in paradise. I have an adorable child, I have a husband who is about 80% awesome.
I've told myself that I cannot and will not volunteer for anything else. I have to learn how to say no. This makes people unhappy. I work with volunteers who feel that since I am a paid position, they get to monopolize all of my time and I need to be at their beckon call.
For years I have gone above and beyond my job description and worked countless nights and weekends. I can't do that anymore. I really am starting to believe that my health issues are a result of stress- all my blood work was normal, my gallbladder function was normal and my stomach scope was normal, yet I can't carry my kid up the stairs without getting nauseous.
I think that it is kind of a cop-out to use my health issues as a reason that I can only give 100% at my job, not the 200% that I've been giving all these years. But I simply can't sustain rational thought and keep running myself ragged.
I feel like a martyr, and maybe that's what I want to be. I'm a perfectionist, even though I've been trying not to be, I still want people to think that I am.
I feel like I've been honest enough on here- more honest than I've been with anyone in real life, and could use some advice.
Give it to me straight. But be a little kind, okay?
Re: I think I need some tough love. Or a reality check.
Martyr-y people get cancer at a much higher frequency than the rest of the population.
Anyway, I don't think you need to think of your health issues as an excuse for not running yourself ragged. They aren't an excuse - they're your body's way of telling you that you need to slow the hell down. You're acting here as though overworking yourself is the default setting and you need some sort of good enough reason to stop, but really, that shouldn't be the default setting. People need to start worrying about making you unhappy as much as you worry about making them unhappy, IMO.
You need to cut yourself a whole lot of slack.
From your posts it sounds like you do not get nearly enough help at home.
PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE IN THE EVENINGS. Seriously. When you get home you are done. Done, I tell you. Nothing with either of your jobs is going to explode over night and if it is they can figure out a way to reach you.
You have only one head, so you cannot wear six hats simultaneously.
I think you need the followin, in whatever order is necessary:
Some time off work, or even quit one of your jobs. This may be necessary to keep you alive, and I am not being dramatic here.
A "huber22 only" getaway - even if it is just to the Motel 6 down the street
A trip to a doctor
A trip to a counselor to sort out why you are such a people pleaser/so eager to do so much for others.
Honestly? Because my entire life, I've been told that I don't deserve better.
I know that my DH isn't at the top of anyone's good person list, but he is the first person, and honestly one of the only people to consistently tell me that I'm good enough for anything. Even if his actions don't show it all the time.
All this is under your control. You know how to fix this. You'll fix it when you're ready to, and not a minute before. When do you think you'll be ready?
And I've never ever seen anything as over the top martyrlike as the following:
I think that it is kind of a cop-out to use my health issues as a reason that I can only give 100% at my job, not the 200% that I've been giving all these years. But I simply can't sustain rational thought and keep running myself ragged.
I think giving 200% is a bit martryish and there is no happiness to be found being a martyr.
I use to be this way. I gave it up and started just being "good enough" for people and I am a much more relaxed happy person. Half the time I think my motivation was so everyone could see how put upon I was. But guess what, no one ever notices. :-) So tell yourself that you don't have to be perfect, and no one around you should be expected to be perfect as well. Just be good enough in all of the roles you play in life. It feels good to take on that attitude.
I'm ready now. Right now.
That's why I am asking for advice.
I assume yes, but did they check your Liver Function tests? Nausea was my biggest sign when I got sick the first time.
I agree with PP though about putting down your phone, and yes-You can say no. My Mom says yes to everything and then she's exhausted. It's not worth it.
G/L!
And seriously.I am guessing you don't get paid extra for what all you do at work that makes it that you're giving 200 percent instead of 100 percent all the time, but calculate your actual working wage for the actual hours you really do work, and ask yourself if that's a reasonable salary. I'm betting it's not, and I'm betting if your family needs extra money so much that you have to work two jobs, you can get a better paying job than what you're forcing yourself to accept with all the extras you throw in for free for your employers.
I think you might need to acknowledge the fact that you might be causing your own health issues. This is a problem for women. You do to much.
I know it's ingrained in your personality but you don't need to be all things to all people. I get wanting to be good at your job but that doesn't mean you have to go above and beyond for the respect and appreciation of people who are probably only looking out for number one anyway. It's ok to be selfish. At the end of the day, all that matters is you and your family.
I have been accused many times of being selfish and looking out for only me but at Tje end of the day, I'm not at home twisting my stomach in knots over what other people think. I truly do not care. Take that fwiw. You deserve to be happy and only you can make that happen for yourself.
I think you actually know what you want to do to solve this issue.
Ok, so what are you going to do about this? Are you looking for scripts? Because I'm a big one for memorizing tag lines for what to say in X situation, so that you DON"T end up saying yes when you mean to say no.
*choking*
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
There is no 200%.
Think about it.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
That's one of the things. I'm not sure how to say "I do not have the time to spend on this project. I'm sorry."
Or maybe that's it?
It'd help if I didn't work with asssholes.
The advice is quit taking on so much sh!t. Get more comfortable with saying "no, I can't". Quit putting other people's needs above your own. Lower your expectations of what you think you need to do. It's all up to you. All the things you've listed are COMPLETELY in your control. Accept the fact that you ARE taking on too much, and that it's perfectly okay to stop doing that.
Forget-Me-Nots: Alaska State Flower
And why is it you want to make a$$holes happy? They're a$$holes. Let them be unhappy. The world will still rotate on its axis.
People are asking you to do all this extra work because they know you're willing. So stop being willing. I know it seems like things will come crashing down if you don't put in all this extra work, but they won't. Really. When you leave work, tell yourself that you are done for the day. And then do NOT answer your phone, or any work related email until the next work day. Not the weekend. Work day. If people try to dump extra stuff on you at work, it is OK to say no.
Sonrisa's response was perfect.
Also, could you quit one of your jobs?
You sound stress-sick to me (and I'm being serious, not a jerk.)
Take care of yourself and tell everyone else to f-off for a while.
You just say it.
Listen, I guarantee you 200% that nobody is saying 'aw, that huber, look at how dedicated she is'. They're saying 'how can I get huber to do my dirty work' or 'ask huber, she'll do it.'
The best way to earn respect and stay sane is to place the value on yourself that you would expect from other people. By allowing yourself and others to devalue your time and energy you're sending the message that you're not important, which is probably the opposite of what you think you're doing.
Suesue is right, if your giving away your time for free you might as well pick up a third job and at least have something to show for it.
You realize that you're playing right into Elle's perfectly manicured little hand right?
Those people need to jump off of a bridge into a firey pit from hell that is filled with people like Octomom.
Your DH is a great person for telling you that you are good enough, because really you are.
Have a sit down with your boss/direct supervisor and tell them all of the above, explain that you feel like you need to go above and beyond to please everyone and that your health is suffering. Maybe you can come to a happy agreement of some duties that are redirected to other employees so that you can continue to go above and beyond on your current tasks but have fewer tasks to worry about.
Also seriously considering taking a week off, if not a week take a long weekend, pack a bag and escape. Escape the internet, the phone, the TV. Go somewhere that either has great restaurants or a bed and breakfast. Go somewhere that you aren't going to be required to do anything except eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom.
Also get a large watermelon and a baseball bat and beat it into a pulp, you would be surprised how good you feel after that.
Well no wonder elle hates it so much. Jeez.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!