Married Life
Dear Community,
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: being pregnant update... pretty flameful vent
The first time I got pregnant, I had a totally "WTF did I just do???" and we had been trying to get pregnant.
Listen, this is a big deal and it is totally ok and NORMAL to freak out at what it means and the changes that come with it. And it is ok not to be happy.
I'm also sending you a pm.
I hate this for both of us. We are also not in the financial position to have a kid right now. Next year will be better for my salary, but we were planning on using next year's salary increase to catch up from me taking a decrease this year to come to a better working environment.
My parents have been helping us when we need it financially, and thats part of the reason I'm so worried about telling my mom. She's going to say my whole first name, AND middle name, and she's going to say it in a disappointed voice. She told me not to do anything major this summer, since last summer we bought a house, and the summer before that was our wedding. I promised her it would be uneventful.... now i'm going to have to tell her it won't be.
Thankfully there is a preschool at my elementary where kids can start at 3 and teachers kids go for free.... so that will eliminate at least a couple years of daycare costs...
if you want to talk, feel free to PM me. i've been thinking about you since i read your post on friday....
I am just a lurker but I just wanted to say to please take prenatals as soon as possible. Folic acid is so important in preventing birth defects, particularly at a AMA. Please don't think I'm saying this in a mean way, just want your baby to be healthy.
Big, big hugs to you.
Another
It'll be okay.
my brother (the priest) told me that if every baby who's mother wished they wouldn't stick suddenly disapeared - we'd be floored at the population decrease.
You are not wrong to feel this way. In fact - I really admire you for letting the fates play out and see what happens.
I PROMISE that if this baby is born, you will love him/her to the point of insanity.
it will all be ok.
and fvkc your mom. you do not need to be worried about what she thinks right now.
*edit* - I didn't see that your mom was helping you out. I guess that means she has the right to her opinion, but really - accidents happen and you didn't do this on purpose. She is a mother - I bet she understands better than you think she will.
((hugs))
I will definitely PM (as soon as I figure out how to do this hah), it's just a crazy situation isn't it?
yellowbird - thank you for the advice, I know I need to start the vitamins, sticking my head in the sand is a great solution for me right now
but you're exactly right
there is nothing wrong with any of how you're feeling. nothing at all.
whatever happens, whatever you decide, you'll be fine eventually. short term suckiness may abound, but you will get this figured out. and you don't have to have it under control and be all with it and ready to take on the world of parenthood by friday or anything like that. give yourself time.
let it out on here, if you need to.
Oh, for the love of the sweet baby Jesus. Take your concern and shove it.
Updated September 2012.
i love you LHC. if my kid turns out to be cool like KHC I will be less depressed than i am now.
She trolls the boards, searching for ways to push her folic acid solution....
What a jerk - nice dig with the AMA, too.
sake I'm sorry - calm down about your mother's opinion. You have options. Plenty of people who don't think they have enough money have surprise babies and manage to survive.
lkoenig - I'm sorry you're in turmoil.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
Okay? Obviously she didn't take offense to what I said, so....
don't be a dingleberry. now is not the time to be giving vitamin advice. and you called her old. what part of that doesn't strike you as inappropriate?
If it makes you feel any better, for both pregnancies I barely was able to stomach pre natals in my first trimester and I didn't take them while trying either and my kids turned out just fine. I mean, I think they did you can look at the pic and judge for yourself LOL
For my last pregnancy I took flintstone gummies. I suck at swallowing those hugeass vitamins.
I'm a child
You are a giant assh*le for getting sanctimonious in a post like this, which is clearly asking for support. If you don't understand this, or get the concept of basic tact, I suggest you get the f*ck out.
Updated September 2012.
your timing sucks. it undercuts your message and makes you look like a galomping fool.
I just want to give you a big hug and tell you it is going to be ok. You are totally entitled to your feelings and to a few days of crying to absorb all that.
(((sakelp)))
I had these same feelings when I found out I was pregnant last July. We weren't ready for kids - certainly not at the time, and, really, we weren't sure we wanted kids period. So getting a BFP was not a happy event in the lust2hart household. I wasn't mad, necessarily, or even that sad. Just...upset. Thinking of all the ways my life was going to change and not happy about it. And I felt soooo guilty for feeling like that - I was 29 years old and we'd been married for 6 years, for heaven's sake, it wasn't like I was 15 or 20 and totally unprepared to be a mom. And so I felt really guilty and selfish because while I knew we could handle this, we just didn't want to.
Then I miscarried. And, honestly, that was ok with me. And yet, sad at the same time. I guess, maybe, just sad at the loss of life but not necessarily sad that I had lost a baby. I don't know if that makes any sense at all. (See? Even now the feelings are confusing.) And it's still weird for me almost a year later - sometimes it'll come up in some random way, and when I tell the person that I've had a mc they'll get that sympathetic, head-tilt, soft voice, "Oh, I'm so sorry" - and it's weird, because it's like, it's really okay. Really, I'm fine. It's just a very weird thing.
Anyway, if you ever need to talk to someone, you can always page or PM me.
how far along were you when you MC? I feel like i'm probably 3 weeks pregnant, MAXIMUM. i had my period at the start of April. And this is my first time ever being pregnant... so there's still a big chance that it might happen to me...
I don't want to hope that I mc, but i don't hope that it sticks either...
Hugs.
I was so excited to be pregant. But even today with a two-year-old, I question if I'm ready to be a mom.
I have had times in my life where I just knew if I ever got pregnant, that I would pray for a miscarriage. There is nothing flameful about that.
"how far along were you when you MC? I feel like i'm probably 3 weeks pregnant, MAXIMUM. i had my period at the start of April. And this is my first time ever being pregnant... so there's still a big chance that it might happen to me...
I don't want to hope that I mc, but i don't hope that it sticks either..."
I know it's been said, but if you don't want to do it right now, then you don't have to.
There is an abortion pill that can be used very early on.
I'm a year older then you and I can tell you I'd be feeling like you're feeling right now and worse.
Sit with the feelings, do what you need to do to process.. And share with your husband. Let him know how you really feel so that you two can process this together.
You can do this, whatever this may be.