Married Life
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
When will you start having kids?
We haven't even been married two weeks and we are already hearing this question way too often! Heck I was asked this at my bridal shower. We aren't really sure and don't have a legitimate excuse. Apparently just wanting to enjoy married life isn't good enough. What responses have you used to get people off your back?
Re: When will you start having kids?
Can I replace the smile with an eye roll?
We were asked that while we were engaged....especially by MIL. My DH had just gone back to school to finish his degree so we were on one income and paying for his education. What finally stopped MIL from asking was when I told her we would have one right away if she and FIL would pay our daycare bills, our hospital co-pay, buy baby furniture, etc.
We had our DS when we felt emotionally and financially able to do so.
Sometimes I roll my eyes as I turn away. It's usually the older ladies who ask though and I don't want to be rude. I have, on occasion stated that if the question asker would pay for our child we'd be delighted to be parents ASAP.
One of my friends is pregnant right now and told me I should get pregnant too so we could be pregnant together and our kids could be friends. That's all well and good except she and her H makes significantly more than H and I do. We can't afford kids right now. I eye roll at her hardcore.
Some classics:
"When I can kick this nasty crack habbit"
"not at least another nine month (as I sip a drink)"
"are you ready to retire and provide daycare?"
"when the stork finds our house"
and some form of "I don't know where babies come from, explain it to me"
My Dad REALLY started bringing it up the weekend of our wedding (2 weeks ago). I tell him he already has a grandchild... our dog Boomer.
Otherwise I just say "when we're ready" and change the subject. It's no one's business but ours.
My husband and I got married almost a year ago (wow, time flies when you're having fun), but people started asking us way before we were married. We were at my husband's family reunion, sitting by his cousin and her husband. They are our age and they don't have kids yet, and we were sitting there coming up with excuses. At first they were pretty good, but they got more ridiculous as we kept going:
- Very quietly say "We're trying, I don't know what's wrong," and look really upset. People will feel guilty and leave you alone.
- Same goes for "I'm barren."
- "He has a very low sperm count."
- "He only has one ball."
- "He has three balls, and they all kind of get crossed up down there."
So forth and so on. I'm a teacher, so I've used, "I already have 100 kids!"We got married young in a quickie courthouse ceremony so when I didn't look obviously pregnant a few months later, people would ask about kids all the time.
I always went with, "When you pay for them." That usually shut people up.
We waited 5 years into marriage before we even tried. By the time we had DS we'd been married for 6 years and together for 10. We were ready, financially and emotionally and we had had a lot of time to enjoy each other. Made adjusting to parenthood a pretty smooth ride
Right now the plan is to revisit the idea in about eight years, so a lot can change before then. We just seriously have no interest in children. I have no idea how we'll eventually handle questions if we do decide not to have children. My mom already knows (mostly because I've said my entire life that I don't know if I want kids) and she is totally cool with just being a "nana" to furbabies. She spoils our cats rotten as it is!
I am glad to hear you think it made it easier to parent after waiting longer to have kids. Every time I say I want to wait people say, "The longer you wait the more you won't want them." I actually started to believe that was true and I was never going to have kids because I wanted to wait longer. Thanks for this!
I love my grandmother dearly, but when she criticizes my answer, I cringe every time. We either a. don't want them, b. want to adopt, or c. will forever be parents to amazing furbabies! Some of my conservative family members do not like the idea of adoption, but most people are completely supportive, including our amazing parents!!
We are in NO rush and are doing our best to trust what God wants for us, kids or no kids. Always animals, though!
We have been married for two weeks. We have a time frame in mind (of when we will start trying) and it is sooner rather than later. I am almost 30 and have PCOS. I know I will have difficulties so I would rather deal with it now.
Anyways, I usually tell people honestly, "Yes, we want children. We have a time frame in mind but we are not telling anyone."
I do enjoy the previous poster's comment on student loan bills. That is a great way to say that. It will shut people up.
Truth is any funny comeback will make people think twice about bothering you about it.
And I can tell you all that it doesn't stop there. We have been married almost six years and have had two children and people still ask us all the time when we are having more.
Our first child died at birth due to medical malpractice and as you can imagine, pregnancy and childbirth are very scary prospects to us, even though we have gone through it again once already. The people who ask us all the time when we are having another all know about our experiences so basically people are just rude and nosy! The worst is when people ask when we are "having a second child" (we have already had a second child and they darn well know that) or when are going to give our living child a sibling. He already has a sibling, but he is in Heaven, and as if just giving your child a playmate is a good reason to have another baby!
Anyway, basically just saying that even if you all DO have a baby, the rude questions don't stop there! (including people asking if you've had a c-section or vaginal birth or if you had to have an episiotomy...don't know why everyone thinks these things are their business!)
Never.
I hate kids.
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{ For Adam | For Adria }
James Sawyer 12.3.10
Leo Richard 9.20.12