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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: When will you start having kids?
Yes I have started doing this too. When people ask me when we are going to start having kids i say, "NEVER!" and then I laugh. They get the point pretty quickly. They understand that I don't actually mean never, but I mean not soon so get off my back! The truth is though we might start having kids soon, who knows. I am not going to start counting my cycles or anything, or say we are TTC, but we are open to the idea when the time feels right. But even when we are ready to have kids, I will still respond to that question the same way, because some people have to learn that it can be a very sensitive subject for a couple struggling to get pregnant.
2 weeks?! That's better than what we got. We got that questions AT our wedding from his sister. She's been pushing us to have kids long before we were even engaged. Then the next day, we got the same question from my cousins, who got married 2 months before us and got pregnant on their honeymoon.
We've decided to state, "We want to be married for a little while. We want to move into our first home and just be us before we start a family." and we leave it at that.
My all-time favorite is a dear friend's husband's response.
Friend/MIL/Stranger: When are you having a baby?
You/Husband: After we get pregnant.
Friend/MIL/Stranger: Well, when are you going to get pregnant?
You/Husband: Before we have a baby.
If they keep asking, keep leading them in circles. It usually only takes one time around the block for them to figure it out.
I like this one. My H and I have been asked when we're having babies since we got together 6 years ago, and the answer is actually never. Never shuts most people up, but I have some nosy family members that aren't satisfied with that answer. I'll try this sometime, it sounds fun.
We both bring issues to the table when it comes to having a child (he had a vasectomy during his first marriage, my fertility was damaged during cancer treatment), so even if we wanted to have kids, we'd have to spend a s-ton of money to even try. But we honestly love our life the way it is and don't want to have any kids. We did decide if ever change our minds that we would explore adoption or being foster parents, since there are plenty of children in the world that need good parents.
But that's a long answer, so "never" is usually our go-to answer, followed by the "you better not ask more questions" stare.
When we are asked, and we see it happening eventually, is that we plan to say that we will have kids somewhere between now and 30. So, if we don't have any by 30 then start prepping for the news.
But first I want to finish school, I would LIKE for him to finish, and we want to travel to another country for a big trip. We may even try to make baby while there.
The question never really bothered me that much. I'm pretty happy to talk about our plans, especially with people who only ask what we intend, and aren't passing judgement. I'm sure there would be people who would say we have no good reason to put off kids and haven't for many years now (which is true enough), but we also have had no good reason to have them yet, which seems kind of more relevant to me personally.
What really bugged me when we were engaged and first married were all the people (especially DH's Catholic relatives) who felt the need to tell us that "sometimes these things just happen." Made me want to smack them down and give them a sex ed course. But I figured DH didn't really want me going aroud saying that we would have no problem whatsoever with having an abortion our birth control failed, particularly when we were first married and DH was still in school. After a few years, we stopped getting those comments. For one thing, we don't visit DH's rude aunts and uncles anymore, and for another, it's abundantly clear to everyone now that it isn't going to "just happen."
We've been married 7 years now, together almost 12 years. We're thinking next year or the year after might be a good time for us.
It is somewhat true that waiting has sapped our enthusiasm for having kids a bit (I think we have much more realistic expectations than we did when we were younger), BUT if we do ultimately decide not to have kids, I'm sure it would be because that is the right choice for us. If we ultimately decide we don't want them, definitely better to have put it off...
We always tell people that we want to be able to enjoy our time with each other before adding to the mix. We also have two dogs now so sometimes I will also tell people that I do have kids already... furkids! lol They are a little hairy but they're adorable!
My sister has even commented that she wants me to have kids so she has a baby shower to help plan and a baby/kid to spoil. I tell her that she can help me plan a party any time she wants and she is more than welcome to spoil me or my furkids any time she wants too! lol She usually responds with "but it's just not the same!"
We, thankfully, haven't gotten the question much. Well, we did the night of our wedding. An aunt of mine asked when we were going to make our son a big brother, I'm close with her and said we plan to start trying as soon as possible.
My family knows we're trying, but that's because my mom knows about all the treatments I'm on and whatnot, so it's fine. His family doesn't, and we prefer to keep it that way. MIL said we should wait until our son is like 8 to have a child, now suddenly she's saying he's at a good age for a sibling. I don't know if she just changed her mind because we're married now or what? But either way, it's none of her business.
When people ask, we just tell them we'll do it when we're ready, or some day. Some times say "Are you going to pay for them?" and they usually shut up.
I know this was posted a while ago...but I just wanted to add my two cents
I don't mind strangers or friends asking when we're going to have kids because I do it!! Haha but it's really just a conversation starter and I don't see it as being offensive to simply ask. BUT I do find it offensive when people try to judge WHEN the right time is for you both. MIL is great at doing that... We will decide when the right time is for us, thank you. She tried telling us when we should get married, also. That really upsets me, and truthfully, we do want to wait to start trying for at least another year. We were just married in August '12. I'm 28, and he'll be 28 this May. He will be just graduating with his bachelor's in a couple weeks, and wants to go on to grad school next fall. We have plenty of time, and we know that. I just don't need her answering for us when people ask us the question. It makes me want to get pregnant tomorrow just to spite her... It's OUR decision, no one else's!
Considering the world population is nearly 7 billion now, I highly doubt the human race will die off any time soon if a few people decide to not have children or wait awhile.
It's a personal choice, but I have a lot of respect for those that choose to wait until they are financially/emotionally ready for parenting because they want to provide the best home possible for their children and I think that's great.
I hate when people ask others when they will have children, like it's their civil duty to have kids or something. It's nobody's business. I know that my mom hounded my sister about having children when she got married and it drove me crazy!
We've just told them that we're not having any kids and are happy with just our dogs. It usually surprises people but it's the truth. We've had a few people ask why and I've told them that I'll be 40 in February and my husband is 44 and we've decided that even though lots of women have healthy kids at my age, there are a lot of risks still involved to my and the baby and they are risks we don't want to take.
If you are planning on having kids down the road, I would just tell people that righr now you're enjoying being married and hopefully sometime in the future you'll be blessed with a child whenever that time is.
That would really freaking annoy me.
Because my husband and I are both really young and still in school, we don't get asked very often (aside from the people who thought we might have gotten engaged because I was pregnant, despite the fact that we had been long distance for the four months leading up to our engagement and they would definitely have been able to tell). Surprisingly, the only people who bring it up are friends of mine who are single and have said they aren't even ready for a serious relationship!
Truth is, my husband and I would actually really like to start having kids soon, but right now that's not an option for us financially. Fortunately, the "we're waiting until we graduate and then we'll see what happens" answer shuts up the people who do ask.
Thankfully, my husband and I don't hear this question very often. My parents used to ask my SIL all the time about babies, and after she went through years of heartbreaking infertility, they learned to stop asking. My in-laws would LOVE a grandbaby, but they are the last people on Earth who would pressure us into anything too soon. I think they worry about my husband's ability to financially support a wife and child on his part-time income, so they leave us alone.
When people do ask (which isn't that often), I give a purposefully vague answer like "When God decides it's time." It usually shuts people up quickly because they spend the next few minutes trying to figure out what we mean. Our friends and family know we want children one day, and my husband and I decided that we will start TTC sometime next year if all goes well, but in the meantime, the people close to us are careful not to ask too many questions.