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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Re: When will you start having kids?
LOL...I got asked this one before the wedding. I took it in a positive sense that my future in-laws liked me and were impressed by the way I parent my 2 children from a previous marriage. Plus, given that we're both a bit older than most brides and grooms, it didn't seem that unusual a question. I just grinned and said, "Hopefully one day soon."
You don't need a "legitimate excuse" not to be trying to have children already, particularly when you just got married. I'd just tell people that you are enjoying this phase of your lives together right now and when there is any news in that direction, you will be sure to share it with them. Even then, many people wait to tell others about a pregnancy for a while. These really are private matters and you shouldn't feel obligated to explain your plans to anyone else.
we bluntly say "we're not". My husband's mother actually pulled the line "well you HAVE to have at least one", to which we replied "No, we don't." She didn't like that; but her want to be a grandmother doesn't override my lack of wanting to be a mother.
Was this supposed to be a response to someone, or are you being serious?
DH and I have been married for just under 3 years (together for 5) and those questions started for us the second we got engaged! It's been quite overwhelming. We can go through one family get together without SOMEONE bringing it up. While I think we are both emotionally ready, we aren't financially. Once our finances become controlled and my student loans are more than halfway paid off is when we will start trying.
Our favorite response to the question right now is, "when family stops asking." lol. People seem to shush very quickly after that.
Yep.
Just because your married people assume your having kids in the first place, they should mind there own business :L
I'm sure these days there are more people having kids un-married then their are married!
It's best to be married when having a child to show your commitment and are less likely to split up but in many people preferred to not be married or feel ommited enough they don't have to. (like my 36 year old brother who has been with his girlfriend for 15yrs and has a 2 year old child)
For me i personally wouldent pave a kid under the age of 23 but if it happend, id let it be. I plan to have a child when i'm 25 but everything all depend on how long you have been with your partner, are you commited to the relationship and the baby, money and work.
When DH and I got married, we both said "eventually." Now I'm at eventually and he's at "never." So whenever it comes up, I say something to the effect of "Oh I'm ready, but DH decided never, so thanks for bringing it up." That typically shuts people up. :-)
As far as his family, which are the worst offenders, I just tell them "talk to DH about that." It is his family after all, and he's the one changing the game plan. So I let him deal with it. For some reason, people always talk to the woman about it and I don't think that's fair.
I posted a blog about it, may be interested in checking it out. :-)
http://fletchinflight.blogspot.com/2011/11/ten-things-not-to-say-to-childless.html
My Blog
I just tell people, "Actually, I'm pregnant right now and I'm going to have the baby tomorrow." That gets some weird looks, but people stop asking about it. I did the same thing when people asked us about marriage. "Oh yeah, it's tomorrow, didn't you know?"
They say you can never be totally prepared...but I think we will be mentally and financially prepared. I am spending this year doing all the extra crazy things that I wanted to do. I am going to take the advice of one of the "articles" from this blog about savoring every event and moment before having kids. So next year, after my 35th birthday...we will see about the baby thang!!! Lord have mercy on me!
I never wanted kids and due to a brief *fingers crossed* battle with cancer and the resulting surgeries, I can't have children. GMIL, who enjoys poking me with her bony finger of dislike, thinks that I'm making this up to spite her. She actually said, "She hates me and wants to hide any children they have from me. That's why she lies about not being able to give me grandchildren." And it gets better! She even told my DH before the wedding that, if it were true (that I'm barren) he still had time to find a "normal" girl and not waste his life.
Even if I could and wanted to have kids, I wouldn't. She's a special kind of crazy and I wouldn't want to pass those traits on to anyone.
Most people are polite and generally just excited when they ask and don't know that we can't, so I just say that we haven't thought about it yet. No one has probed any further.
One thing that really pisses me off though, is when people ask and then say, "But, just so you know, it's *your* choice." Damn right it is! Is MIL going to stand in the bedroom with a sexy-time schedule? My sole purpose in life is not having kids just to please someone else. Ugh. Sorry for the rant, it just creeps me out when people say that.
Our real answer right now is " we're not ready and may never be." But if the asker is someone who would just love it and wants us to have kids, that truth is often too harsh to discuss in a semi-public gathering, so a funny answer helps change the topic.
If they're close enough to ask that question and deserve the real answer, they will get it at an appropriate time.
We've been asked since our wedding day 2 months ago. And I usually just said, "well we aren't trying but we aren't preventing either so whenever it happens" and that usually satisfies peoples curiosity.
What most of the people in our lives don't know it that, surprisingly enough to us, I am 8 weeks pregnant, they'll find out soon enough.
Yes I think you don't necessarily need to pay attention to them instead focus on where you are happy right now. Enjoy first of being husband and wife together for a couple of years then you can start having a baby. I was once before pressured with these terms but I was able to find other things better than that. I was able to enroll my self and my husband to school (graduate). It was a little hard for us to have a budget study abroad but we were able to to do it.
My point with this is to say that no matter what you do someone will have something unpleasant to say about it. If you don't want to be a mom say so. If you don't want to talk about it say so. If you want someone to shut their nosy mouths say so. You don't have to be rude but you should be firm. It's rude on their part and no matter what you really can't win.
It's been years and everything is fine with DH and I. The few times I talk about it I forget to add that and sometimes people get concerned.
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