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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Husband Betrayal - Advice Needed
You think I have my head in the clouds and I think you just don't know what God can do. My comment was towards ROK regarding that she could never look at her spouse the same. I can understand that and if I ever had an unfaithful husband, I know I would have to ask God to help me with those negative thoughts in order to move past his infidelity. I was not saying, oh, if my husband cheats all I have to do is pray and everything will be ok. No. It would take a lot of work AND prayer.
My advice to a women whose husband was unfaithful yet willing to work it out would be to start to repair the marriage with counseling. I would add prayer because I am a Christian. What is wrong with that advice. I think that advice is way better than implying that a woman that is willing to work on her marriage is crazy to do so. If you don't want to pray, then don't, but I hate whenever a husband does something wrong on this board, most poster first thing to say is divorce! I'm like this is why the divorce rate is so high. Poster say divorce not just over cheating but much smaller things. It's crazy.
TTC since September 2012
I have heard of other religions but I don't know in depth about different beliefs. I'm not Catholic but I went to a Catholic HS so I know some things about Catholicsm. I only feel comfortable speaking on my religion because that is what I live my life by.
I also very much enjoy speaking about Christianity in hopes that just one lady or man reads something that brings them to know God. You know, kind of like how you like to make known of how you feel about religion
ETA- I didn't want to hijack this thread and turn it into religion.
OP- Good luck and I pray things go well with you and your husband.
TTC since September 2012
I have been on this board for a long time and most posters first response is not divorce, most of the time they recommend counseling or suck it up, you married him knowing he is like this, except in cases of adultery, abuse or addiction. Then divorce is the first option and I agree.
Listen, I am a Christian too and I understand why you are recommending prayer. BUt you know, not everyone believes in prayer and I always try to be respectful of others belief systems.
Personally, if my husband cheated on me, it wouldn't be an issue of forgiveness as much as trust. I wouldn't leave him out of spite or anger. I could forgive him, but I wouldn't be able to trust him and I wouldn't want ot be in a marriage where I couldn't trust my spouse.
My church had an employee steal a lot of money from them. Did they forgive that person ? Yes. Did they drop charges and hire them back ? No, of course not, they didn't trust them and justice needed to be served . Yes, God forgives, but that doesn't mean he takes away the consequences of bad decisions. If my husband cheated on me, the consequence to his bad decision would be losing my trust and our marriage.
We don't know the OP so recommending prayer was not in a malicious way. She is simply saying take it or don't if it fits your beliefs.
Recommending general prayer and giving a personal experience on how it helped them is not a bad thing. It could be helpful to the OP if she wants to take it if not so be it.
"A women who can kneel before the Lord can stand up to anything"
Why do people say this, as though a high divorce rate is inherently a bad thing, and a low divorce rate would be inherently a good thing? What in the world is so darned valuable about wasting your very limited lifespan trying and straining to trust someone you know is untrustworthy? This just makes no sense to me.
Maybe the divorce rate is so high because so many people are unfaithful in their marriages and otherwise fail to treat their spouses with love and respect. I find this idea that a woman is just giving up and taking the easy way out if she doesn't forgive any manner of betrayal appalling. HE is the one who stepped outside the marriage at the first sign of trouble. HE is the one who broke his vows. HE is the one who has lied to her- not once, but for MONTHS. The way certain Christians come to this board and lecture the wife who has been cheated on about the meaning of commitment is absolutely gross.
And no one here said that a woman who is willing to work on her marriage is crazy.
Yeah I understand recommending prayer isn't malicious, I know they had nothing but good intentions. Likewise, asking a Christain to think outside of themselves and their beliefs isn't malicious either.
Since we are on the subject of prayer, I would like to add my own personal experience. When my daughter was sick in the hospital, I prayed constantly, CONSTANTLY. I walked down the aisle every week at my church begging for more prayers from our church ? I started a caringbridge.com page asking for prayers. I was even on a local radio station when the children's hospital fundraiser. There I again asked the listening audience to pray for our daughter. I would have done anything to save her. If someone told me I needed to parade around in sackcloth and ashes and scream out the name of Y'shua, I would have done it. I had strangers from all over the world telling me they were prayering for our daughter.
But, you know what, even with all those prayers, God still said no. For whatever reason, reasons I will never be able to comprehend, he still said no. So God isn't a magic genie or cosmic santa claus that will grant your every wish. Sometimes God says no. Sometimes he doesn't change people's hearts and sometimes, his will really is for you to high tail it out of there and choose a better life for yourself.
Some people don't believe in God or a higher power, so suggesting prayer may be way off base.
Or maybe they believe in many gods, none of whom agree with forgiving a cheater.
Or, maybe they find the idea of having one moral authority who shouldn't be questioned to be very, very dangerous.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
My parents where married for almost 50 years and I lost both of them in a 30 day span. My family and I prayed and prayed and prayed. God decided to take my father. I told God that he had my father so I KNOW He wouldn't take my mother. Well, He took my mother 30 days later.
When you ask God for something, He will answer you either, yes, no, or wait, so I know just because you pray doesn't always mean He will say yes. I know God wants his children happy so if God tells me no, I trust and believe that it was His will and I still believe in the power of prayer.
TTC since September 2012
My intentions were not to come off as offensive to the OP or any of you ladies when suggesting prayer. Irl, if someone asks for my advice on a life changing situation, I always suggest prayer. Just as *Lisa* stated, OP can either take it or leave it.
Also, I have no idea why the divorce rate is so high. I actually don't think infidelity is the #1 reason, but again I don't know. I just made the comment because I see divorce thrown around here for much smaller things in my eyes than infidelity.
TTC since September 2012
I'm so so sorry to hear this has happened to you. I would suggest you seek marital counseling if you want to try and fix your marriage. If things don't work out during counseling do NOT feel guilty or ashamed. Your husband has hurt the trust in your relationship. I wish you the best of luck and I hope everything works out for the best!