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Desperate for help: being sued!
Okay...now I know this was stupid of me but, I have a HUGE problem now.
I am divorced and remarried with a son of 14 months. Last year, while pregnant, my ex husband sued me for money I owed him. As per our divorce agreement, I had to pay half of our credit card debt and some house bills until out house was sold. I didn't, I was so angry with him, and, to be honest, was already dating my now husband so I was a bit preoccupied. I moved out of state to be with my now husband, and didn't have a job, so had no means to pay. Now, I am a SAHM mom and don't plan on working.
I got notice of my ex suing me, but didn't really take him seriously at first. I didn't think he'd actually do it. I'm filing for bankruptcy, I've ALOT of debt, however, as per our divorce agreement, even if I do declare bankruptcy, I'm still forced to pay my ex. It sucks.
My now husband wants NO PART of this, and this case has been to trial twice, I haven't responded or shown up to either, I honestly thought my ex would let it go...I honestly NEVER thought he'd sue me. I think his witch of a new wife is making him do it. Whatever. I can't afford a laywer and don't want to pay him and have no means to unless I ask my mom for the money.
I just got a letter from his lawyers saying since I violated 2 court orders, they are seeing my arrest and incarceration unless I pay! My friend who's a police officer says it can happen and since I never responded to the courts, there's a good chance it could happen.
HELP! What can I do?
Re: Desperate for help: being sued!
Is this real life?
You don't get to not pay just because you don't feel like it. Do you pay your water bill only when you feel like it? Cable? Health insurance?
I think you're behaving like a child and if I were your ex-husband, I'd sue you, too.
WHAT do you do? Indeed: borrow the money from your mother.
And that's if she says yes.
Maybe there'll be toughlove and she'll turn you down.
I hardly believe that this is all his "witch of new wife making him do it", and if it is? She's not the bad guy here. Your ex (And his witch of a wife, who will now be effected by such things) doesn't want his credit to go down the toilet just because you suck at being an adult. When you got divorced, you legally agreed to assume 50% of the debt. You proceeded to not pay your half, and blow off 2 court appointments and your excuse for it all is that you were too busy dating your new husband to meet your legal obligations? Seriously?
You might as well get used to the idea of going to jail now, because clearly sacking up and doing the responsible adult thing(Getting a job, showing up at court when you're supposed to, paying your debts, etc) is apparently beyond your capacity.
P.S. I don't blame your current husband for wanting no part of this bullsh!t. Frankly, if I were him, I'd be calling my own lawyers to make sure I didn't get stuck paying your outstanding debts to your ex-husband when I divorced your irresponsible @$$.
I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
What do you do?? Be an adult.
Leave your mom out of it and go out and find a full time job. Pay what you need to out of it for child care, and the rest goes to your ex. When you have secured a job, get proof of your position and pay rate, and a bill for child care. Then call his lawyers, show them the documentation, and set up a payment plan. When you pay him off, then you can have the privilege of being a stay at home mom. Until then, grow up and pay off your debts.
I'm sorry, but how old are you?? Yes, you made a huge mess of this. My husband works in law enforcement and you can absolutely go to jail. Missing a court date is grounds to issue a warrant for your arrest. Yes, they know you are married. Remember that legal marriage certificate you signed?
You owe him money, why can you not see that you need to pay him back? What if he did this to you, ruined your credit and your financial future? Would you not do the same and take legal action?
Big mess?
You effed up and big time!!!
There was an agreement that you made. And probably under oath.
YOu honor the legal agreement. If you had trouble paying, you shuld have notified the courts --- I am sure they could have found a way for the payments to be a bit less taxing to you and your money situation.
You can not only be charged with contempt, your wages can be garnished and many other things --- the IRS might even seize what assets you have.
I am hoping this is MUD.
And your H needs to rethink you big time for doing this. As I said, this is a show of zero character and a slew of other legal eff ups.
if you fail to show up for jury duty, you can be charged with contempt and have a bench warrant out --- what do you think is going to happen here?
And now you likely owe even more money -- the debt you agreed to pay is now compounding interest.
My advice:
Get the money from your mother --- and get your attorney to handle the fact that you lied: lied about your marital status and lied by omission --- by the fact that you chose to violate the agreement to pay what you had to pay.
You are grossly irresponsible. You were ordered by the court to pay this debt and you just... didn't. Because you were pissed, then preoccupied with your new boyfriend.? What planet are you on? And yeah, if a court orders you to pay money and you refuse, damn straight you can get arrested as you should.
What can you do? Grow up, get a damn job, and pay the money.
Indeed!
YOu just went ahead and figured Oh, he won't press this issue?
Time is money and like I said:
THis is a legal agreement.
They happen to be binding.
I don't know if you'll end up in jail *for not paying* (maybe, since you don't have a job they can garnish wages from), but you can certainly end up in court for *pretending the court is joking when they subpoena you*.
As for the court magically knowing you're remarried: marriage records are public, and held *by* the court. If I knew your name and what county (or probably just the state, even) you would have been married in, I could go down to the courthouse and ask for your marriage records.
"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. SeussI hate to break it to you: telling the court "I'm the only one that can take care of my child" regardless of if you actually are a single parent or not isn't enough to keep you out of jail if you do something to land yourself there. If there's no other guardian living in the house with you (In your case, there is), the court would just legally remove your child from the house and place them in another home while you go off to the clink.
If there was no extended family that is deemed an appropriate guardian, your child gets placed in the foster care system for the duration of your sentence, and then you can petition to regain custody on your release ... and you honestly aren't 100% guaranteed that you'll even get your child back when that happens.
This is the legal system, sweetheart, stop f*cking with it.
I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
Oh- this is on 2 boards now. LOL.
This is even funnier. You thought you could just lie to the courts about being married?? Oy.
You're a peach. I'll say it - I actually feel sorry for your DH. I wonder if he had any clue about your lack of responsibility and ethics.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Hypothetical question, OP:
Let's say your current hisband was married to someone else before you. In the divorce agreement, ex wife agreed to pay 50% of the debt accumulated during their marriage. A year later, your husband is keeping up with the payments, ex wife hasn't shelled out a dime. You want to start doing things like buying a house and other stuff that requires an intact credit score. But your husband's credit report is trashed by all of these outstanding debts that his ex wife was legally ordered to pay.
Now you can't get your house/car/whatever, or you can, but the interest rate is astronomical because of your husband's lousy credit score. Meanwhile, the ex wife is sitting on her @$$ not working and blowing off court dates without a care in the world.
Would you seriously just "let it go" if his ex-wife's irresponsibility and laziness was holding you back from the nice life you'd otherwise be capable of living?
Considering your posts, my money's on you not bothering to put up with this crap and rallying to sue the pants off "that dead beat who's ruining my husband's credit" for what she owes and them some. And you would feel completely justified doing so.
I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
OP, you are a complete idiot.
Put your big girl panties on, apply for a job, quit lying to the court system about being a single parent, call a lawyer, and show up to pay your debts.
Yes, you can get arrested, and yes you WILL be arrested if you do not clear up this mess.
Quite acting like a poor helpless single parent, while you are married and somehow can afford to be a SAHM. Is this seriously the example you want to set for your child? That's it's okay to ignore your responsibilities. Grow up!
TTC since 1/13 DX:PCOS 5/13 (long, anovulatory cycles)
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You'd be livid as all HELL! And I can imagine the riff that would form and I can imagine the static and flak wuld be horrendous.
And you'd also wonder what kind of git --- and a characterless git, at that --- your H was for ignoring a court agreement.
Pay up. Get an attorney to handle the contempt of court issues --that has to be jailable in itself -- and make a clean slate of this.
And learn your lesson.
I understand what you all are saying, but I DON'T have the money! I moved to be with my now husband, and lived on credit cards until I got a job...then, I had the job until I was 8 months pregnant and I have no since gone back. I have no college degree, and have made under 30K throughout my first marriage. (My ex KNOWS all this and he STILL sued me!) Daycare is very expensive and I need a work from home position,which is hard to come by.
My grandmother and aunt paid for my second small wedding. Why shouldn;'t I have a celebration because I owe someone money? Am I not allowed to be happy?
Luckily, everything is in my now husband's name: apartment, cell phone, cars, bills...if we buy a house, it would go under his name as I am filing for bankruptcy. I'm so stressed. I honestly thought he was bluffing when he said he'd sue me.
And, no, this is not MUD...this is my life! I have a 14 month old, a husband who is PISSED and a HUGE debt to pay, with NO job and NO means of any income. My husband won't pay for it, as he works to support us. They can't garnish his wages, can they? I'm so scared, they wouldn't arrest me if they knew i had a baby, right? They know I have NO money, so I can't pay. I can't afford a lawyer at all, not when I owe over 15k to him.
You are so delusional that I almost can't give you advice.
You have obligations that don't go away because you will them so.
What an *adult* would do is get a job. I don't care what it is - flip hamburgers at McDonalds - but get a job and show good faith at paying what you owe. As you were married to your ex-husband, BOTH OF YOU accrued the debt and so BOTH OF YOU need to pay it off. No one cares that you went got married again (when you couldn't afford it) and had a kid (when you couldn't afford it) and now you can't afford what you have a LEGAL obligation to pay.
What if your child needed a life-saving operation? Would you get off your behind and get a job to pay for his medical care? Would you do what was in your power to get him what he needs? Yeah, see - that same mentality kind of applies here.
I seriously can't deal with the "I'm helpless - waaaaaaaaaah!" attitude that you have. Grow up. Thanks. BYE!
Look your husband is doing what he has to in order to get you out of his life for good. His wife is not a bad guy nor is he. YOU ARE. You think its ok to accumulate a bunch of date then not pay up? Seriously this is why our economy sucks. You having a baby means nothing. Hundreds of women have babies and are sitting in jail. Really? You can keep ignoring your problems and blame everyone else, but its only going to get worst. How do you think your husband will feel when you are arrested while at the store and they have to put your baby in foster care until someone can come get them?
For the sake of your poor child CLEAN UP!
You are married you had to sign a license not to mention I would hope you are filing taxes? You would be on the return.
If anybody knows you are married, it's your former H! And YES you can get into trouble for misrepresenting yourself: fraud is fraud!
And even *if* you were single legally, you still are obligated legally to pay up. Lying is not going to help the cause.
They will put you on a payment plan of sorts. Fess up and make a clean breast of it, as I said.
The short answer is no, you're NOT allowed to be happy, not if you're in it BIG TIME, not at the expense of other individuals paying for your stuff and ABOVE ALL not at the expense of your own CHILD, whom you so irresponsibly brought to life before fixing a MAJOR problem that could hurt him directly. Nobody is, we get our problems FIXED before doing any of that! We act bloody responsibly and we don't continue to IGNORE problems in the hope that the world will take pity on us. You thought you could be a SAHM, well that is a LUXURY not everyone can afford. What made you think you could, exactly?
You HAD to get married with other people's money, drag a man into YOUR mess, even have a CHILD, all the while ignoring COURT ORDERS??? Are you freaking insane?? Are you dense?? What are you??
From your answer here, after all that's been said to you, it is evident that you still, and will continue to, hide behind mere excuses instead of finally dealing with the result of your own doing.
For the last time, get a job. Like, YESTERDAY. Do anything in your power (or I should say, will power) to prevent this from spinning any more out of control. Show up repentant and willing to pay back the money by working. Stay CALM, go talk to whoever subpoenaed you and figure out a plan so you can take at least a first step towards solving your (solvable - that's good news) problem.
OMG are you for real? You keep trying to explain away and deflect blame to your ex and his new wife. NO ONE IS TO BLAME BUT YOU - NO ONE. Do you understand that? And short answer to "Am I not allowed to be happy?" - No, not right now.
You and your ex accrued this debt together. You AGREED to pay your half, as you should. But then you got pissed, preoccupied and pregnant (for the love of God please tell me you weren't trying to get KU despite being in such dire financial straits). None of those reasons absolve you from paying off this debt, showing up at court, complying with court orders, and otherwise being a responsible ADULT.
If you can afford to be a SAHM, you sure as sh!t can find a way to pay this money back. Get a job, any job that will take you, and grow the eff up already. But please, STOP blaming everyone else. Acknowledge and accept that you are culpable and start making this right.
Life's natural consequences WILL catch up with you. I highly recommend you get ahead of it because it otherwise won't be pretty (jail, another divorce, god forbid your child is taken away from you... don't screw this up any more than you already have because guaranteed it will get worse).
I'm not sure how old you are but I'm shocked that you didn't think it was a big deal to blow off court dates, you can and should be arrested for failure to appear. There are payment arrangements that can be made, had you shown up to court. Regardless if you have a college education, file the bankruptcy, find employment and try to get your ex paid, even if you make payments but show the good effort in repaying since the court ordered you to.
Courts do not care if you remarried, if you have children, they can and will arrest you. This isn't petty stuff, this is serious and you should take it more seriously. Your husband should help you financially since he married you and knew of your financial mess.
JFC. You're a piece of work. Narcissitic. You don't care about anything about yourself and your happiness. Screw your responsibilities. You want to be a SAHM so you'll do that - no matter what!
I'm GLAD that your debt w/ your ex can't be absolved w/ your bankruptcy. You need a major wake-up call.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10