Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Desperate for help: being sued!
Wow.
At this point, all I have to say is I hope that your husband manages to pick a good daycare/nanny for your child, because when you get hauled off to prison for your own idiocy, Junior can't watch himself all day.
I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
Yes, by all means, go ahead and be happy. Just do so as a responsible adult who pays her debts and shows up to her court dates. And no, throwing an even slightly expensive party for yourself when you don't have a job and are on the verge of bankruptcy is not part of being a responsible adult. That's why you shouldn't do it. There are literally hundreds of millions of happy people out there with debt that they have taken responsibility for and are paying off. Feel free to join them.
Luckily, everything is in my now husband's name: apartment, cell phone, cars, bills...if we buy a house, it would go under his name as I am filing for bankruptcy. I'm so stressed. I honestly thought he was bluffing when he said he'd sue me.
And, no, this is not MUD...this is my life! I have a 14 month old, a husband who is PISSED and a HUGE debt to pay, with NO job and NO means of any income. My husband won't pay for it, as he works to support us. They can't garnish his wages, can they? I'm so scared, they wouldn't arrest me if they knew i had a baby, right? They know I have NO money, so I can't pay. I can't afford a lawyer at all, not when I owe over 15k to him.
Seriously. Get a job. It sounds like you haven't so much as applied for a job in the last year. Get out there and start applying for things. Literally anything you find is better than what you're doing now. btw, it sounds like you and H have separate finances. As in, H is keeping his finances separate so you can't bankrupt the both of you. Is he seriously not willing/able to even pitch in a little for childcare so his wife can work? That seems unlikely to me.
"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. SeussDo anything --- work in an office, wait tables, consider a sales job --- if you have a talent, turn it into a home business.
Oh, and you may want to think again if you think you can get out of this by filing bankruptcy. There are exceptions for court-ordered domestic stuff. I'm not sure if it applies specifically to your situation, but bankruptcy isn't an automatic clean slate.
Get a job and set up a payment plan on the debt.
It's obvious you don't want REAL advice. I guess I will tell you what you WANT to hear:
No, you can't be sued for not paying you ex H what you owe him.
No, you can't be thrown in jail for not showing up to court and ignoring court orders.
No, you can't be thrown in jail because you have a child.
No, you don't have to go back to work simply because you "didn't plan on it."
Yes, just ignore everything that is going on and it will all go away.
Seriously, what freaking world are you living in?
Put on your big girl panties and pay the bills. The court ordered you to do it. I am pretty sure you can go to jail if you do not do something that is court ordered.
Oh my goodness, I am a SAHM with two kids. Just think of all the things I can get away with. All of the contracts I have no intention of keeping. All the money I wouldn't have to pay back.
Yes, moms ( even SAHMs) can and do go to jail for things like this. All the time. Just go to any jail and see the kids that are visiting their moms in jail. You very likely will go to jail. Especially since you committed fraud and especially since you gave TWO court appearances the middle finger. It is almost laughable that you think a judge is going to care that you have a 14 month old, stay at home, and don't have a college degree.
This is just so ridiculous I am having a hard time believing it is real.
As I said:
Get an attorney and make a clean breast of this--- get a job -- even retail; anything will do and get one ASAP --- and you will have the job in your favor from the get go. That'll be an imporant ally to you and you'll show your former H and the courts that you are willing to "make good" on what happened.
Dedicate the funds from the job to the sum of money you need to pay off, as was agreed.
They will put you on a payment plan.
Do this now before the IRS gets involved in this and you really get into trouble. As I said, the IRS will find a way to get what you owe, even if you do not have a job.
If you have to sell something or hock something to start payment on what is owed, do it.
1. Yes daycare IS expensive but you should have thought about that before you got pregnant. I don't want to work and pay a daycare bill but guess what, I'm an adult so I HAVE TO.
2. I don't blame your ex for suing you. I would have too. I probably would be going batsh!t crazy on you by this point.
3. No.no you are not allowed to be happy when you're out ruining so many other people's lives.
4. News flash darling - just because you file bankruptcy doesn't mean that everyone just forgives your debts. You have to work with your creditors. Especially if there's. clause in your divorce decree saying that you would pay even if you go bankrupt. And because your husband is legally married to you...what's his is yours and what's yours is his. Looks like your ex may be getting some of your new husband's money!
5. The legal system doesn't care if you have a child if you're breaking laws - which you are by ignoring your summonses.
6. Why did two different men think that it would be a good idea to marry you? You sound like a hot mess in a hand basket.
You're in luck. They never put people who have kids in jail or prison.
Sweetheart, the bills still have to be paid. They don't have a magical fairy who comes in to wave the wand and everything goes away. It would be nice, but she doesn't exist and we have to suck it up and get jobs and pay bills.
And the whole excuse of 'I have a child' and 'Nobody else can watch them/daycare is too expensive' and 'I don't have a college degree so I make less than 30k a year' for why you can't work and pay the debt? No excuse.
I have two children, both 6 months old. We sooo were not planning on getting pregnant quite that soon. Much less with twins. We weren't planning for the extra money it would take for two babies at once. And I had to take a year off from school when I was a one semester internship away from finishing because of pregnancy complications. Not that I would take anything for either one of them, mind you.
I have student loan debt that I will be responsible for starting next year after I graduate with my bachelor's degree in December. Currently if I work full time during the week as a pharmacy technician, something I've been for 7 years full time while going to school, I'll basically be paying to work because my mom isn't reliable to watch my children and the only other option is $200/week daycare. Which we'll be taking money out of savings to help pay for when I do my internship this fall. So I stay at home during the week, and on the weekends I work at the pharmacy to help pay my bills I have from before we got married. Which, by the way, is less than $10k a year.
Summary? You do what you have to do to take care of your family and bills you've promised to pay.
And honestly, I think this 'witch of an new wife' is completely in the right if she's the driving force in the lawsuit. She has her family to think of and take care of, and she's not going to cater to your fantasy land. She's going to take care of her family. Same as if someone was causing problems for your family. Or at least I'd hope it would be the same and you'd do something to protect them. Because you aren't doing much to take care of and protect them right now by letting this keep going on.
And your husband should not be paying those bills. They are YOUR bills. Not his, not both of yours together, but YOUR bills alone. He didn't buy the house, he didn't swipe the card. You did.
Woman up and take care of business, girl.
Ha! I hope they throw your a** in jail.
Updated September 2012.
In this post, you said you have a Master's?
I'm shocked that your psychic didn't see this coming!
My Lunch Blog
All this. Grow up and take responsibility for the mess you've made for yourself.
Ahh yes interesting catch. In that previous post ( only 6 months ago), you not only had a Masters Degree, but a job and an extraordinary work ethic. What happened ?
Assuming this is not MUD:
Your effing nitwit a$$ best be getting a lawyer in that state before the sun goes down today. You deserve everything coming your way by being so damn dumb to think you could somehow ignore a court order.
Just wondering, when did you start being a SAHM?
ETA: Nevermind. I see you mentioned earlier you quit working at 8 months pregnant. But your LO is now 14 months? But then 7 months ago you posted that you were working?
http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/70337131.aspx
If you want to create some MUD, delete your previous posts, honey.
Yes, get a lawyer.
You don't have to actually PAY him.
Just use him to get you through this whole shitty thing without going to jail and then forget to pay the bill.
You're good at that.
See? No big deal. Problem solved!
Wow. Ya think???
Good luck in prison. I hope you're not too pretty.
Honestly, I really hope your current H dumps your lazy asss. Before you moved out of state and lived off of credit cards, you should have had a financial plan. You should have had a job or some way to come up with clearing up the leftover mess from your divorce before you screwed over your current H. Now you are stuck with the consequences of ignoring your legal and financial obligations, including jail time. Hopefully you will get to grow up. Hopefully your ex will get to have your kid while you do your time so there isn't a foster care situation.
I came here from TB, but I thought I'd weigh in real quick.
Everyone has told you that you're an idiot, so I wont go there.
I'm just going to nicely suggest to you that this can still be resolved.
1. Get a job ASAP. I know you don't want to work outside the home, but you have to. You have no choice here.
2. Contact his lawyer and HUMBLY tell them that you screwed up, but you want to make this right. You want to pay him. Ask if you can work out a payment arrangement.
3. If you do end up getting arrested, BE HUMBLE. You deserve it, so don't act like a wrong has been done to you. Again, tell the judge that you know you messed up big time and you want to pay your ex back. Humbly ask if you can set up a payment plan.
4. Work your a$$ off and pay your ex back or pay your mom back if she fronts you the money to pay him in one lump sum.
5. Learn from this. Live up to your responsibilities from now on.